depressed at home due to parents lack of support- in need of help and advice, breaking point :'(

MathsLily

<div>Hello everyone, it is Lily here, i have been in an awful way; so i am so sorry i have not been active much, and today has just made me reach a breaking point. if most of you read my first post about my family's reaction towards me wanting to change my name ( which i have now done),you know how they reacted, basically they are adamant about not supporting me , hating me for it and just disowning me and it truly hurts more than words can say. It has basically gotten to a point where I am sick of crying daily, feeling pain in my heart and being told I am someone i am not (my old name). And the thing which really hurts me also, is that I cannot have the courage to re-talk to them about it because i know they will look down on me and utterly make my home life miserable because i have hinted some things which did not go down well at all. Such as not telling them i changed my name (which i have to keep secret to prevent them from making me feel worse than ever) and asking them to compromise nicknaming me lily- then they say chloe ( my oldname) is my name and they refuse to call me lily as it is not me in a harsh tone and then telling me they hope i havent changed my name because if i have i am nothing to them and saying also a torrent of other things which i cant force myself to type because just typing them is going to make me have an absolute breakdown and i cannot bear the added pain, i hope you all understand. I really need some advice here, so will ask about it specifically at the end of my explanations. I thank you all so much for being there for me, i shall start telling you of what has occured.</div><div><br></div><div>Basically i came home from work on friday night and my mum told me in a harsh tone, 2 letters came for me. one being addressed to my old name ( i havent changed my name on the bank as i fear they may see it) and another addressed to me as lily (my legal, real name). she said that lily was not my name and told me i had been doing identity fraud (my name change is a secret) and that i must stop saying im lily when im not as it is disrespectful. i then said it is just a nicname. she said it is ok that you use it as a nickname with your friends and others ( though everyone at work and my friends know lily is my real name), but she and my family will never call me lily and will always call me chloe. i was too afraid to say something but was very upset. i then left and cried myself to sleep and tried toavoid them as much as possible on sunday, but ended up taking them for a coffee because even though they font support me i put their happiness first as i believe it is best to stay positive. so we went for a coffee, and they continuously and loudly said chloe and this hurt me alot and i tried ignoring but my dad stormed off in a temper, calling me rude and my mum yelled at me and said what my problem was and evryone was staring at me and i felt like having a panic attack. i stayed in ym seat ad they came back, my dad didnt drink the expensive coffee i bought him and my mum did but they said how awful i am and horrible for ignoring my dad. i was only ignoring him to see if they would get the hint how much i am hurt them calling me by chloe but they shouted at me and said the coffee will always be remembered by my nastiness and ignored me so i was crying in my room. i ended up apologising to try and help me feel safe as i felt unsafe and unhappy. <br></div><div><br></div><div>Everyone, i want to tell them that them not accepting my choice to change my name is really hurting me, but am scared to incase they start calling me names again and saying nasty things and lowering my self esteem. It is really hurtful as&nbsp; at work i am known as my real name lily but they just keep using a name that makes me feel not myself at home and this is lowering my self esteem and whenver they say it, i feel so hurt inside i cannot eat, and i have barely eaten all day due to this and i also cannot even focus on my study because of the confidence i lack. I have my interview in a week and need to be fully focused but got no revision&nbsp; for my interview done today as i have been feeling very pained and had a headache and no motivation to study. this is what happens to me on a daily basis and i cannot take it anymore and dont know what to do. I am extremely unhappy at home due to this and hate having to hide from my family to avoid them calling me chloe. May i ask can someone help me find ways to try and help myself stand up to them about this? i have no idea what to say or how to present them with my upset without panicking or holding back. they tell me i can speak to them when im upset but this issue i have i am afraid of talking to them about because im scared i will be threatened or told more horrible things which i totally cannot deal with. I am just at the end of my tether with this, it is impacting my study and i fear i will lose my dream job due to this i am so sorry i sound so negatiuve, i am very much strugglign everyone. this just hurts me to the core and i really am tempted to do something about it because i'm suffering in silence and it hurts so bad. I am hoping you could give me some advice.blessings and hugs, Lily x

Kathleen07

Aww hey,

I am so sad and sorry that you're going through this It sounds like your parents treat you very badly and disrespectfully. I can hear their behaviour around your name is making you depressed and miserable, and that's totally understandable - I'd be feeling really hurt if I was in your position.

You sound like a kind and lovable person Lily, and taking them out for coffee even when they're making you feel like crap shows that. You're not nasty or rude at all.

Your parents sound like they're pretty toxic people to be around - do you feel that way? I'm also wondering if you've made any progress on moving out (and no worries if not)?

I don't suppose there are any people who could talk to your parents with you about this? Your social worker, maybe? Perhaps if there are people who've got your back, there's more chance they'll begin to reconsider, or at least there's someone to defend you. And have you got anyone you can stay with for a few weeks to catch a break?

Stay strong, we're on your side