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Lenny

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    It's a knowing of wanting to die.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hey Sham,

    How have you been feeling the past few days? That being said, it sounds like you've been feeling quite consistently bad, so I don't want to sound like I'm ignoring that :pensive: Is there anything you want to chat about?

    ~ Kathleen <3
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited May 2019
    Though i do understand that if things was so black and white with your thoughts of wanting to end your life - you would be dead. And its great that you are aware of this and how you feel about that.  But that doesnt dismiss your thoughts of ending your life or should be taken any less seriously because you ring, if youre unsafe. I knew someone who rang a crisis line - they didnt ring back for awhile and they sadly sucessfully ended their life. Everyone should be take seriously. Seeking help or not. 

    Hope youre doing okay today. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    The past few days have been okay because I have been at my mums but I am back at mine now. It's just this week that is going to be long and going to be a struggle to keep myself safe before I go back to my mums next Tuesday and fly out to Mexico next Thursday. I'm not going to kill myself before that but also I'm trying not to harm in anyway because I'm going to be in a bikinni/costume so I don't want fresh injuries on show but that is going to be really hard. Lenny is telling me to hit myself with something to cause myself pretty bruises but he keeps on hitting me because I'm ignoring him so it's super hard.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hey @Sham

    I'm really glad to hear the past few days have been okay. I'm sorry to hear this week is going to be long. Does being at your mum's help or make Lenny quieten down, at all? <3

    It sounds like you're struggling a lot with thoughts of suicide and self-harm :( I just wondered, have you tried any alternatives/coping skills for harming? I'll list a couple, just in case:

    • Draw a butterfly where you want to harm (or get someone else to do it for you), then choose something precious it represents and name it after that thing. Then you may not want to hurt the butterfly.
    • Use a rubber band to cause pain, but without injury.
    • Draw on your skin as a form of release.

    You're doing really well x

    Sending hugs as always,
    Kathleen <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Yeah it keeps me distracted from actually harming myself when I'm at my mums but it dosent quiten Lenny or any of the others down. I just won't usually harm myself at my mums but I'm always thinking about it, sometimes I cant wait to get back so I can harm like I did steal a knife from her utility draw the other week and she hasent found out lol.

    I have wrote words on my legs before in red felt when I was in hospital that represent what I am feeling but I have ended up harming since that.

    I'm really anxious but also thinking 'what's the point' I've got a social worker coming to see me tomorrow morning to see if she can offer me any support with my mental health, I doubt it cause no-one can but I've got an open mind she might be able to lol.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Thankyou Kathleen
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited May 2019
    Omg the social worker has just been and she said she was a AMHP (approved mental health professional) which has scared the crap out of me. I'm crying now -she has made me cry. I cry because I don't know what support I need and she said that is going to make it very hard to move me somewhere that has more support because she can't just say this client needs support she said she has got to be precise. It was horrible. I feel like I should know what support I need so I need to harm again in a minute to punish myself for not knowing what support I need. I now have a big massive injury from harming myself lastnight and it's going to get bigger now. How do I explain that to my mum on Holiday next week!?

    [edited by moderator]
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    That is pathetic @The Mix
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hi @Sham I'm really sorry to read how you were feeling earlier. Am I right in understanding that your social worker isn't being particularly helpful, because you don't know the kind of support you need? Surely that's her job to help??!

    Hope you are ok, let us know how you are feeling and that you are safe? Sending hugs <3

    - Lucy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Well I can't say she's not helpful because I only met her today.

    I'm feeling annoyed because I said where on my body I had self harmed and Themix edited that part out instead of just editing it to just on the body. Now they are saying they are thinking about putting me on another break which is ridiculous and that I can't say where on my body I have harmed. I'm 24 not 13 and so are other people on this forum in there 20's us that are in our 20's don't need to be bubble wrapped from self harm or suicide words. We see and hear much worse in our lives.
  • ItaliaItalia Posts: 238 Trailblazer
    edited May 2019
    Hey Sham, 

    It's really great seeing you reach out for support here. We understand that you are frustrated about your post being edited. I know it can feel frustrating with such a small change to your post, but it can make a really big difference for someone else reading it.     

    We know that your in your 20's, and fully able to manage how you talk about self-harm, but what you post here is public, and we have a responsibility to make sure it is safe for everyone reading your post. 

    Just a reminder on our guidelines on posting about self-harm. 

    Self-harm: Please avoid any graphic detail or description of methods (such as where or how you've harmed yourself). Instead, we encourage you to focus on feelings (e.g. "I feel like harming myself because I feel..."). Please stick to 'self-harm' and know that we understand if you're harming, you're hurting. 

    If you want to chat about this more, then feel free to get in touch over PM, we don't want to detract from the support your seeking here on the thread. 

    Sham said:
    Well I can't say she's not helpful because I only met her today. 

    This is really insightful Sham, even though it sounds really frustrating that the social worker wasn't able to help you right away. Knowing what kind of support you need is a really open question, and could be anything. So I can see how that would be really difficult to answer. Do you think if you asked, she could give you some options of support? 

    Sham your doing really well at talking through these things.  Keep it up  <3 

    Italia

    “People who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses.”
    -     Brene Brown

  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited May 2019
    You have a responsability how children read it under 18's. But there are age ranges from 13-25 on here. So you arent accomodating everyones needs that you support for. That's why I have said creating a sub forum for young adults space age 18-25 will be far much suitable. Voice collective's forum do that and you can talk about whatever with a trigger warning so people can choose to read it or not and so we can have freedom of speech. It shouldnt be ignored having freedom of speech saying things like where on the body they've harmed for example or maybe if you don't want to do that I feel like the age range that you support should be limited like to age range childline supports because I'm being treated like a child here with Themix and I am saying this because I think you could improve Thmix loads by adding these changes.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hey Sham,

    To reiterate Italia's suggestion about the social worker - maybe if you asked her what support options are available, she could give you some more information and you may have a better idea on what you need. How would you feel about that? <3

    I also wanted to say that it's okay that you're frustrated by the guidelines. I'm not a mod so it's not my place to say much on this, but just want to reassure you that I really understand not liking it. I think they exist for everyone, not just for the younger people :) I assume the idea is that, especially when a lot of people here are struggling and feeling fragile, sharing physical details like that can be triggering.

    You said earlier that you used red felt on your skin when you were in hospital - did that help? If so, have you been doing that at all recently?

    We're always here for you buddy x

    All the love,
    Kathleen <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited May 2019
    We are looking at what extra housing support options are available there are to what I'm getting now but the options that the social worker suggested I've already gone down one of those routes she suggested and it's not any closer to my family which is one of the things I said I needed. My needs are is 1)To move closer to where my family are which is where I was born and grown up where my family are living and 2)To have staff there in the mornings and evenings as a minimum or have staff there 24hrs a day.

    She said there is a possibility that I could pay a carer to come and help me but that is'nt meeting my first need and she also said to get that we would have to firstly find that there is a need for me to have a carer which I think we have established but then she said she would need to tell her manager what exactly the carer would be coming in for and how many hours a day and that is what we was finding difficult.

    What I'm saying is the rules on Themix don't accomodate 18-25 year olds and that is why finding a way to accomodate everyone for example using trigger warnings for phsyical details so those of us who find if helpful can but those who find it triggering can have the option to read it or not. It's about finding a balance between such a huge age gap of 13-25year olds at the moment Themix is'nt doing that and to me that is it's downfall.

    No, I havent used felt on my skin since. I have been 'harming' for the last couple of days and part of me wants to make this injury worser and worser and that is what I have been doing.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    And thankyou Kathleen x
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,612 Part of The Furniture
    edited May 2019
    @kathleen0172 said:
    I think they exist for everyone, not just for the younger people I assume the idea is that, especially when a lot of people here are struggling and feeling fragile, sharing physical details like that can be triggering.

    This is exactly right. :)

    The guidelines we have around language are for all ages, not just under 18's @Sham. Being in a group space means we need to take measures to protect other folks here from things that are likely to be triggering to read - most of which won't help people support you (e.g. saying you've self-harmed will likely get the same response to saying where you self-harmed). If you do prefer to talk about this stuff without needing to filter what you say and find some relief in doing that, we'd really recommend one-to-one services where that's not an issue.

    Your viewpoint is totally valid and you might not be alone in having this opini9on, and if you want to discuss it in a bit more detail and put forward your ideas for how we can improve the guidelines, we're down for having that conversation either via PM or in a public post over in Fix The Mix.

    For now, let's keep the focus of this thread on the more important issues at hand and the support you're looking for. :)

    -----

    Sham said:
    We are looking at what extra housing support options are available there are to what I'm getting now but the options that the social worker suggested I've already gone down one of those routes she suggested and it's not any closer to my family which is one of the things I said I needed. My needs are is 1)To move closer to where my family are which is where I was born and grown up where my family are living and 2)To have staff there in the mornings and evenings as a minimum or have staff there 24hrs a day.

    Are those two needs totally non-negotiable for you or your social worker, @Sham?

    Totally reasonable if so, just thinking about a compromise that may come up. Options for getting support can be at a bit of a premium (which it sounds like you're currently experiencing!), and it might be worth considering if you can make something less-than-ideal work if it provides you most of what you need, because sometimes something is better than nothing.

    Again, totally understand if those two things are your minimum requirements - we all have different needs and it makes sense that being close to family and such would have a big impact on your wellbeing, but it can be useful to think about these things when there's seemingly no good option. Completely your decision to make and you might have already thought about this.

    Let us know how you're getting on this weekend. Have you had any progress with your social worker?
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Idk if to make a new thread about it in Fix the Mix because I don't want it to get heated. There's going to be people who agree and disagree so it's going to get heated and I don't know if I can manage that atm. That's what you keep saying though Mike that the guidelines are all the same for all ages but that is what I'm saying the guidelines shouldnt be so strict for adults using Themix because there are a mix of children and adults here.

    What do you mean are those two needs totally non-negotiable for you or your social worker?

    No, I havent had any progress with my social worker. I saw my support worker on Thursday (social worker and support worker are different) and my support worker said she'd contact my social worker yesterday but I don't know if she did or didnt because none of them have been in touch and my support worker is of next week and I'm also on Holiday next week. So Idk. I showed my support worker my injury from self harming on Thursday when I saw her and she said that she'd have to take it of me but she is'nt restraint trained and you can't restrain someone on your own anyway so she couldnt and I wasent going to give it to her voluntairily so she left it with me but now my mum has found out and I have told her that I hurt a part of my body (being careful here) on my bed so she thinks it's an accident but someone has told her it's self harm so now I have the dilemma of keep on telling her that it was an accident or admit to her that it is self harm but she is only going to say it's stupid because my family don't understand self harm so Idk what to do.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited May 2019
    Hey Sham

    Can hear youre really struggling
    great you showed your self harm to your support worker. Showing a healthy part of you wanting help?. You are in control and have chioces even if that is self harming. How does self harm make you feel? Is self harming something you want to stop? If not thats fine - as long as you do it safely then thats your chioce and apprieate its a way of expressing yourself. 
    What would you like to change - support wise or anything

    (hear your point of view about the mix. I personally dont think age makes a difference. If it helps there are lots of services that you can include physical details of self harm if thats something youd find helpful)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Age makes a huge difference. You shouldnt swear to children, using certain language and tones to children verses adults. Just some examples age makes a difference. Where are there lots of forums that you can use physical details only one I know about is Voice Collective.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Sham said:
    Age makes a huge difference. You shouldnt swear to children, using certain language and tones to children verses adults. Just some examples age makes a difference. Where are there lots of forums that you can use physical details only one I know about is Voice Collective.
    Glad youre already aware of other support options. You could use them for things that are against rules here? 
    Just so i can understand more - how would it be useful to speak about physical details of self harm - on here? 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited May 2019
    I don't know what to call them yet as there not 'hallucinations' because there real and I don't percieve them as voices because they are real people but for those who do come across this we see, hear and feel very physical detailed triggering things and to write that down not just on paper but on a forum also and get some support from it is therapeatic and that shouldnt be hidden. Themix sets out to support people with mental health but they arent really.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thanks for saying,  sounds like a lot of hard things to hear/see/ feel. I understand why you would want to not be alone with that and share it. You could share that with samartatins text service.

    What has helped you in the past? 

    I think The mix are supporting those with mental health as that may be something that could be disturbing for those with mental health challenges to read. 

    But lets not focus about the guidelines here and more about how we can support you. <3
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I was saying there are no forums to talk about the more triggering stuff. Samaritans don't have a forum.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit


    Oh i thought you said "voice collective" is a forum you can share?

    Sham said:
     Where are there lots of forums that you can use physical details only one I know about is Voice Collective.


    nope samaratains dont have a forum. They do have text service though which you can share them with - is someone to share with. Which sharing with someone seems something useful for you. So theyre always an option or helplines which i think you have said you use?

    there is always someone willing to listen to those graphic stuff, this place isnt place though and should respect that :). 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited May 2019
    Yeah Voice collective is the only forum that supports children and young adults but can talk about whatever. 

    Sharing with the samaritans havent been useful to me. They are shit.

    This space should have a space with it holding the thresh hold of supporting 13-25 years olds that you can share without discriminating anyone and you should respect that.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Okay, lets not focus so much on that. No one is discriminating anyone by having rules. There are reasons for them.  I signed up to the rules so i respect the rules i have signed up to. If not ill do my best to go somewhere else for the support i want. Is all im saying :). Mike made suggestion of writing on fixing the mix. But we are here to support you. So feel free to answer my other questions :)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Themix are discriminating people with more complex needs. 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Hey @Sham

    How you feeling today?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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