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The protection of a mother - TW
Former Member
Posts: 177 Helping Hand
It’s only when my little is unwell that I feel deeply saddened.
Triggered by my memories from my past, but moreover of my mothers own absence when by my definition I wasn’t well, things weren’t well or how they should have been.
My own sadness controls my emotions when my little is unwell, I see her go from this bright, lively, happy little girl to being so sad and in that moment I see myself in younger years and relate that feeling to how I felt, I’ve to remind myself my experiences were very different, nothing relating to my past would ever mirror her future, I am not my mother.
I had a scare around this time last year, my little woke up one morning unable to walk or place her left foot on the floor, it was ballooned, she had to have various MRI scans and be sedated, it took over 1 month of tests, IVs with cannulas she was in so much pain, but I prefer eyes and fought with many medical professionals, she had private bupa care taken out from being 6 months old because I am very synical and no one will hurt my little who is quite literally my world, it all paid off as my little got better when the NHS were not prepared to continue due to funding - I thank my blessings I had been so synical and opted for private bupa cate for her transferring her ultimately cured her from the condition osteomyelitis, another reason I’m scared whenever she becomes unwell.
I sometimes forget how she came into this world, every now and again I feel guilt, the guilt is because I went against every person who told me I was doing the wrong thing, against my religion, yet I too had her baptised to a certain extent that was because I felt it offered some form of protection for her. I’m so so glad I dismissed it all because there is nothing bad, at all, she is perfect in every way, the day I had her any anxiety and apprehension I felt before went immediately, I knew instantly that I was so happy!
She’ll never feel the sadness that I feel because I’ll never bear my story to her that’ll always remained untold, she is my little best friend, my saviour & my greatest little person and part of me in this world.
The love that I feel for her is really overwhelming, the protection I have over her is even more so.
The protection I have for her is the kind that I was missing. She’ll never be some statistic!
Triggered by my memories from my past, but moreover of my mothers own absence when by my definition I wasn’t well, things weren’t well or how they should have been.
My own sadness controls my emotions when my little is unwell, I see her go from this bright, lively, happy little girl to being so sad and in that moment I see myself in younger years and relate that feeling to how I felt, I’ve to remind myself my experiences were very different, nothing relating to my past would ever mirror her future, I am not my mother.
I had a scare around this time last year, my little woke up one morning unable to walk or place her left foot on the floor, it was ballooned, she had to have various MRI scans and be sedated, it took over 1 month of tests, IVs with cannulas she was in so much pain, but I prefer eyes and fought with many medical professionals, she had private bupa care taken out from being 6 months old because I am very synical and no one will hurt my little who is quite literally my world, it all paid off as my little got better when the NHS were not prepared to continue due to funding - I thank my blessings I had been so synical and opted for private bupa cate for her transferring her ultimately cured her from the condition osteomyelitis, another reason I’m scared whenever she becomes unwell.
I sometimes forget how she came into this world, every now and again I feel guilt, the guilt is because I went against every person who told me I was doing the wrong thing, against my religion, yet I too had her baptised to a certain extent that was because I felt it offered some form of protection for her. I’m so so glad I dismissed it all because there is nothing bad, at all, she is perfect in every way, the day I had her any anxiety and apprehension I felt before went immediately, I knew instantly that I was so happy!
She’ll never feel the sadness that I feel because I’ll never bear my story to her that’ll always remained untold, she is my little best friend, my saviour & my greatest little person and part of me in this world.
The love that I feel for her is really overwhelming, the protection I have over her is even more so.
The protection I have for her is the kind that I was missing. She’ll never be some statistic!
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