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Hi, my name is Ava_Alfera

Ava_AlferaAva_Alfera Posts: 2 Newbie
edited March 2019 in Introduce Yourself
I'm Ava. I used to self-harm and sometimes still do. My boyfriend is going through this and I want to know how to help him. That is why I have joined. 

[edited by moderator]
Post edited by Aife on


  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Heyy Ava, welcome to the boards <3

    Really sorry to hear of you and your boyfriend's self-harm.

    Has he explained to you the feelings behind his self-harm? I think the best thing that can be done about these issues is to tackle them by the roots.

    For both of you, there's a lot of tips for avoiding the urge to self-harm that work for some people:

    • One of them is the butterfly: you draw a butterfly on wherever you want to harm, or get someone else to do it (you could do it for each other if you wanted), name it, choose something meaningful it represents (a pet, someone you care about, etc.). So when you want to harm, you won't want to hurt the butterfly.
    • Or you could just draw on your skin.
    • You use an elastic band, to cause pain but without injuring yourself.
    Those are just a few.

    Remember, simply being there for him is one of the best things you can do - and it sounds like you want to do, and are doing, just that. If he has a loving partner who won't judge or react harshly and is there if he needs to talk, that makes all the difference <3

    What about you? Is there anything you want to chat about?

    Take care x
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,289 Skive's The Limit
    edited March 2019
    Heyy Ava,

     i hope you are taking good care of your self. Though is good that you are looking out for him too. But we are here if you wanna speak about how you are feeling as well. 

    How you can help him - well you are probably already doing a great job just by being there for him. Sometimes its not the advice or wise words or something but just listening to what he is going through or knowing you are there - can help. But you can try telling him about all the self help stuff and places to get support aswell
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 2,920 Boards Guru
    Hey Ava,

    Welcome to the boards, it's really great you found us!

    Shaunie and Kathleen have given some really amazing advice already. I just wanted to echo what they've both said and say that we're here to help support you through this too. It sounds really tough what you're going through. 

    There's a really great article on our website about what to do when your partner self-harms. I hope you find it helpful :) 

    I've made a very minor edit to your post so it's in line with our guidelines around self-harm. You can read more about our guidelines and the language you can use around self-harm here

    It's really nice you're looking out for your boyfriend. Hope you're doing okay too <3
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
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