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When your new & when it’s new

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 177 Helping Hand
edited February 2019 in Health & Wellbeing
Doing something different, putting yourself out there all to see is a really scary thing to do. 
When you’ve been beaten down to virtually nothing building yourself up just tires you out.
its like fighting someone else’s fight when it’s as a result of someone taking things from you. 
Simple things like observing laughter, witnessing friendships formed, I guess seeing genuine enjoyment of life can hurt you in such a way like a real doom right in the pit of your stomach.
Thats not because people are happy or having fun, it’s because your not worth it, the outsider, the miserable one, the freak, the lost soul, the feeling stupid or embarrassed and fearful Incase people don’t like you, fear of judgment for if you do laugh you might get into trouble.
The not knowing how to be yourself because of not knowing who you are, the stolen identity.
the writing in third person because your (I am) ashamed  & embarrassed of myself again... & because I’m just to vulnerable and scared to be myself anymore. 

Keeping myself contained, I laugh through my daughter because she will never be me, but a happy, content, strong little girl, the little one laughs for me for now. 

I will always be sorry for who and what I am to the rest of the world, I will never be sorry to my little girl because she is my sunshine on every rainy day & touches my heart and soul more than anyone, she masks over and heals the damaged parts of me psychologically. 

to everyone else I can only say that I’m sorry 

Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    You do not need to be sorry for who you are. <3 But i am sorry you feel so bad about yourself. We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes and makes me so sad to know you feel that way. Cause i think youre lovely, you have been through a lot and such a strong person. You do deserve all those things - enjoyment of life & wish you find that. 

    X
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    I can really relate to this post as I've felt this way too. You're not alone <3

    As @Shaunie said, you do not need to be sorry for who you are, especially not here. We're here for you x
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