Friends, Alcohol and relationships.

Former Member

Hey everyone, 

 Hope you are all doing well, I'm pretty new here so apologies if I do something wrong. But I had some stuff I kinda needed to get off my chest. I'll begin with a little about me, hopefully that will help. I'm a 19 year old guy from the UK, I am very shy and a complete introvert but I always have been, I enjoy things like airsoft and graphic design. I am a Christian, I'm definitely far away from being a good one I admit that. But I am trying. 

I've normally speak to at-least 1 of my friends online everyday, we meet up most weeks normally when we are off of work. We get along really well and we always have, obviously the normal arguments friends have occasionally but nothing ever serious. Now he keeps saying "Oh yeah, we should go out clubbing or drinking soon. Because we are just wasting our lives sat online all day" or something to that effect. I normally just say "Yeah, I guess so" for example, but the idea of "clubbing" and going out and getting drunk is not something that appeals to me what so ever. I get really paranoid in public places as it is,  but also worried about not having any control whilst drunk. I've only ever been slightly tipsy once and I hated it. I lost pretty much all my friends from college because I just kept saying "No" when they asked me to come out clubbing. I normally tried to make an excuse, but eventually I just said I didn't want to go. Now I don't want this happening with this friend, but I feel like it could if I don't do these things. Alcohol has always been pretty much non-existent in my life, I don't like the idea of being drunk, not remembering what I did, not being in control of myself. But I also don't want to just take my friend out, him get completely drunk then me drive him back home again.

Another problem I have is that he always says "We're never gonna get laid sat here at home" which if I'm honest, kinda ticks me off. I really do not care about losing my virginity to some random person I meet a club. I get that can be for some people, no problem. But it isn't for me. I really don't see why its such a rush to lose your virginity. For me, without going into details I would want it to be with a person I love and care about. Not some random person I don't even know. 

This leads me onto my final point, I just feel weird. I'm not sure what it is, but with the stuff I mentioned above I just don't feel like I fit into anywhere. I always used to be called boring at college because of the above stuff here and be picked on because of it, I would just crack on with the work and not talk to anybody which kinda made me a target unfortunately. I've also in the past lied about being religious, which makes me feel pretty awful but I only did it to try and save myself from further torment during School and College. It sounds pathetic but I was worried it would make my life worse telling them. 

Anyway... I'm sorry for the long post, I hope its readable. I wish you all the best.

From 

Hawk_

Siena

Hey. Its okay if you dont want to go out clubbing and getting drunk. I mean looking at people being sick and then getting drunk and not remember it and then waking up being sick and feeling horrible and having no money - doesnt sound that fun ahah. And doesnt make you boring for not wanting to do it. Some people dont and some people see people who want to do that as boring - espically as you get older. Even people who used to like it realise its a load of shit in the end. Cause its its the same thing every night and dont even remember and its not all that good. And if theyre good friends they should accept that if you tell them. Doing things you can remmber & being sober always seems better option more fun options & doing something different. Like have you ever been to an escape room theyre pretty fun aha.   - so maybe you could make plans for that instead and find things to do that can do with your friends. I agree getting laid doesnt mean much if its just with some stranger at a night club and not best way to lose virginity so i wouldnt focus so much on sex part. And you seem like you know what you want and makes sense so they should accept that. 

Former Member

Hi Shaunie,

Thanks for your response, you're definitely right. I'm gonna try suggest things that involve something else other than getting drunk, see what they think.  I really appreciate the time you took to respond. Thank you.  

JustV

A belated welcome to the community, @Past User. Awesome to see you posting.

I agree with everything @Shaunie said above. You have a right to live a life that's comfortable for you, and if someone is your friend and cares about you, they should respect that. You can still be friends and have different lifestyles.

And even though broaching these subjects with friends can feel a bit daunting (especially for guys because we tend to avoid talking about our feelings a bit more), the payoff does tend to be worth it. It can be quite liberating to set those boundaries with your friends and let go of that pressure to conform and do what everyone else does.

You do you.  There will be parts of you that are boring to some, but make you hugely interesting to others. Different strokes for different folks and all that. You mentioned you don't fit in anywhere - do you want to? As in, do you want to find a social circle or group of friends that you can maybe relate a bit more to?

And I wouldn't feel too bad about the religion thing - sometimes we all do weird things to get out of social situations. Society doesn't always make it easy to be honest and school can be a pretty brutal place!

Former Member

Hi @Mike, thanks for the welcome very much appreciated. 

I definitely feel like I need to talk to my friends, let them know how I am feeling about the whole thing. It will be difficult, but they should understand. What you are saying is definitely right for sure, if they do care about me they should understand and respect it. 

I would like to fit in to more places, but I feel like because I am very "socially awkward" and shy I do find it hard making conversation or being around people I have nothing in common with. I end up feeling much better on my own than with other people, because I don't have to worry about disappointing or embarrassing myself in front of others. Which I feel is a bit of a weird thing to say, but I've always much preferred to be on my own than with others. An exception to this is when I'm with a couple friends that I am more confident around. I really would like to find a group of people I can fit in with too, I am starting a new Apprenticeship very soon so this may open up more opportunists to meet some new people. This does mean going back to college though, which I really wasn't fond of when I previously went. But I'll see how it goes. 

I really appreciate the response, thanks a lot! 

Former Member

Hi @Past User !

Talking to your friends sounds like a great idea.

I agree that it can be really hard when you feel like you aren't really fitting in because you feel socially awkward! I am quiet and find it hard to make conversation but have a few friends that i'm more comfortable with too, so you definitely aren't alone!

It's really positive to hear that you are seeing as starting the new apprenticeship as a new opportunity to meet new people.

Former Member

Hey @Past User!

Yeah, started today and all the people there are really friendly! Feeling confident that I can use this opportunity to meet new people and make friends. Fingers crossed!

I know what you mean, I've always struggled with conversation with new people but with a few friends it is definitely easier. I'm really glad I am not alone with this! Going to try my best to talk to my friends so they can understand where I am coming from. 

Thank you for your reply, I really do appreciate it! 

Former Member

Hey @Past User its been a while since your last post! How are you doing?