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Hate my autism diagnosis

Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
in Health & Wellbeing
I had OCD 4 yrs ago and alongside that I was diagnosed with mild autism spectrum. It is classified as a disability in the 2010 act and I so hate to be disabled! I don't want to be it!! Simply because I talk/smile to myself and imitate little kids talking and saying it over and over in public and I don't like socialising at spare times and I get emotional over every single little thing and only want to be friends with specific people and daydream a lot that I don't notice my surroundings doesn't make me disabled! It's like being judgemental of my thoughts and feelings and opinions by calling it a disability. I'm totally sick of my parents worrying about me and being emotionally protective of me too, standing over me whenever I was crying or had anxiety spells and constantly asking if I'm ok when I just want to be left alone and don't want them intervening and talking about me amongst themselves and giving me worried glances and making me tell them my problems when I'd rather tell a friend or thinking I needed professional help and giving wrong assessment of me to them and making me tell them my problems too when I didn't want to. It made me feel like a baby. And continuously asking what's in my head at the moment (I mean who would ask such a deeply intimate question like that???) And the professionals wanting me to get close with my parents when I didn't want to and suggested I go to support groups and join society acitvity clubs which sounded totally dreadful cuz I don't want to be in the same group as people simply cuz we all have the same health condition and I don't want to be friends with people just for that reason either. It's like only people with mental diagnosis with properly understand me. And again I hate socialising at spare times and making friends.

I so hated being treated differently at everyone at school too, having to take time off when the OCD symptoms started and then having a different schedule from everyone else when I got to go back. And the mentor who I couldn't stand worrying about me more than anyone else by constantly asking if I'm ok too and making me tell her my problems when I didn't want to as well and losing touch with my "best friend" (another story) and people asking why I come and go a different time which I found totally embarrassing and humiliating. I couldn't stand that the professionals wanted me to have different exam and lesson conditions like extended timings, separate classroom and different marking criteria and to be educated at a special sixth form after as if there really was something wrong with me. 

Honestly, I know there's loads of people likee but I'm saying I want to be same out of all my friends and none of them get treated like they're mentally ill or even diagnosed with it, introverted or extroverted. I know everyone has different needs but their needs aren't as obvious as mine. I hated my parents, teachers and professionals to bits for all this. I know they only cared but they cared too much!!! They could care in a less annoying and interfering way. It's not all the best if it upsets me so much. I can't bear to hear that autism is unfortunately a disability cuz I'm giving a message that it isn't, or at least shouldn't be!!! I don't want to be disabled whether there's anything bad about it or not. As if calling me "cracked in the head" or "mentally blind and insane".

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    My dad is still a little worried about it cuz he keep suggesting me careers/courses for autistic people (I'm picking accounting anyway, but still) and applying for special needs funds if I ever go to uni later on and looking at special needs policies. Honestly, why can't they just care in a less annoying and interfering way??! At least my mum believes I'm in better control of the condition now so tells me I don't have to let them know of it :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 193 Trailblazer
    I think autism is a really tricky one actually. I guess they class it as a "disability" so that they can offer more funding and support for people who have it, but really it's more just a different way of thinking and a different way of being, rather than a mental illness (or at least that's how I view it anyway). I had a really good friend at school who was diagnosed with autism and I never thought of them as disabled, they just had a different understanding of the world and viewed the world in a different way to me. I actually found it quite interesting talking to them about it because it gave me a new perspective on things too. So yeh, I can see why you don't want to be classed as "disabled" !

    I think you should pursue your accounting if that's what you want to do. That's a great career option if you like maths and crunching numbers. There's no reason why you should have to do careers or courses aimed specifically at autistic people. Do what makes you happy and what inspires you and don't let anybody hold you back! 
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,577 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 18
    Past User said:
    I think autism is a really tricky one actually. I guess they class it as a "disability" so that they can offer more funding and support for people who have it, but really it's more just a different way of thinking and a different way of being, rather than a mental illness (or at least that's how I view it anyway). I had a really good friend at school who was diagnosed with autism and I never thought of them as disabled, they just had a different understanding of the world and viewed the world in a different way to me. I actually found it quite interesting talking to them about it because it gave me a new perspective on things too. So yeh, I can see why you don't want to be classed as "disabled" !

    I think you should pursue your accounting if that's what you want to do. That's a great career option if you like maths and crunching numbers. There's no reason why you should have to do careers or courses aimed specifically at autistic people. Do what makes you happy and what inspires you and don't let anybody hold you back! 

    I'd second everything @Past User said. :)

    Although ASD is often framed as a disability, some (dare I say the majority) of autistic people prefer to just think of themselves as neurodiverse. You view, interact and understand the world through a different lens to those who are neurotypical. That doesn't need to be a negative thing and I imagine most autistic people would agree with you that it's not. Regardless of what others think, you get to decide how you identify, even if someone else wants to label you for their own reasons.

    Also, there's absolutely nothing to stop you picking your own career path. I actually didn't know that some courses were specifically aimed at autistic people - that sounds kind of absurd to me (unless I'm being ignorant of something, in which case feel free to correct me!). One of my closest friends is aspie and just graduated with a masters in theoretical physics. You do you. :) 

    It sounds like you're not identifying with the labels people are giving you and that's totally okay - it's good to claim some control over that and decide what works for you. How did it feel to get all this off your chest @Past User? How are you feeling about things since posting this?
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  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Heyy

    so it sounds like you really want to feel more indepenent and be "able" and not called "disabled". ? Though there is nothing wrong with getting support and youre right in terms that everyone has different needs and getting support with those needs is okay. And impowers you to be more independent. Otherwise if ignore some things & get 0 support can get worse or turn into other things. You could maybe emphasis to others that youd like some space and more independance sometimes?  Though i never knew autism was a disability- i thought only high functioning autsim was and those who are completly unable to communcate & need 24 hour care, but i dont know much about autism. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Shaunie said:
    Heyy

    so it sounds like you really want to feel more indepenent and be "able" and not called "disabled". ? Though there is nothing wrong with getting support and youre right in terms that everyone has different needs and getting support with those needs is okay. And impowers you to be more independent. Otherwise if ignore some things & get 0 support can get worse or turn into other things. You could maybe emphasis to others that youd like some space and more independance sometimes?  Though i never knew autism was a disability- i thought only high functioning autsim was and those who are completly unable to communcate & need 24 hour care, but i dont know much about autism. 
    I mean others needs aren't as obvious as mine and not mental health wise like not having a separate school schedule from me or randomly being taken out of class to have a private chat with the annoying school coordinator or having her on their case all the time or having different exam conditions or needing any medical support or being spoken to in that quiet intimate way like how u talk to a little kid or someone mentally ill. I've been treated like I'm mentally ill throughout my secondary school years especially since getting ocd
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Shaunie said:
    Heyy

    so it sounds like you really want to feel more indepenent and be "able" and not called "disabled". ? Though there is nothing wrong with getting support and youre right in terms that everyone has different needs and getting support with those needs is okay. And impowers you to be more independent. Otherwise if ignore some things & get 0 support can get worse or turn into other things. You could maybe emphasis to others that youd like some space and more independance sometimes?  Though i never knew autism was a disability- i thought only high functioning autsim was and those who are completly unable to communcate & need 24 hour care, but i dont know much about autism. 
    I mean others needs aren't as obvious as mine and not mental health wise like not having a separate school schedule from me or randomly being taken out of class to have a private chat with the annoying school coordinator or having her on their case all the time or having different exam conditions or needing any medical support or being spoken to in that quiet intimate way like how u talk to a little kid or someone mentally ill. I've been treated like I'm mentally ill throughout my secondary school years especially since getting ocd
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Hey!

    There is nothing wrong with being mentally ill or having diagnoses. Or needing that extra support. We all need different level of help which is okay. It may feel like you are being treated differently to everyone else but we are All different. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    edited March 2019
    Well as I said their needs aren't as obvious as mine, i.e. not noticeable in the organisation society environment like different school schedules or absent from class for meetings or a teaching assistant sitting with them in lessons. I don't care if there's anything wrong about being mentally ill or not, I don't want to be it let alone treated like I am. It was soooo embarrassing when everyone kept asking me why I came and went at different times from them and having to explain. Just cuz everyone's different doesn't mean they're diagnosed with a mental disability in terms of friends and classmates
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    @Shaunie I do appreciate your opinion and all of yous but that is how I feel about things and what I've experienced
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thats okay. I get where you are coming from & how that can make you feel and how hard that can be. Its not the sort of attention you want which is understandable. 

    Hope youre okay today. Post on here if helps
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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