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Feeling Anxious Around Housemates
Former Member
MiniposterPosts: 187 Helping Hand
Hello 
I know that I haven't used the boards for a while, but I really need to get this off my chest. I'm not really looking for advice, I'm just hoping to get some reassurance that I'm not the only one who would feel awkward in this kind of situation.
I made friends with someone in my student accommodation last year and we moved into a student house together this year. It's a four-bedroom house and we moved in with two girls who lived here the year before. We talked to them before we moved in and they seemed really nice, but since then I've hardly been able to get any kind of conversation going with them unless something in the house has broken. I always say hi when I see them and normally get a response from them but not always. It's the same thing with their friends. One of my housemates seems to be slightly more likely to greet me than the other. To be fair, they did invite us to a party earlier in the year, but they always seem to hold these things when we have lectures early the next morning so I didn't do anything other than come downstairs to say hi to everyone. There haven't really been any arguments or anything, other than people coming off as a bit passive-aggressive at times. I asked my friend about it and she said that she doesn't feel particularly awkward other than that we don't tend to join in with them. We're a lot more introverted than the other girls so I expected her to feel awkward to some extent too.
I guess I just blame myself because I mentioned to my family that things can be a bit awkward here sometimes and my dad asked why I allow it to be awkward. It's not a big deal, but I'm a pretty anxious person when it comes to other people and it's gotten to the point where I'm too anxious to go in the living room/kitchen area sometimes. I've even started to hear their voices coming from behind the door even when the room is completely empty. I think that at this point it's probably too late in the year to really make friends with them.
I just figured I would share this now because something just happened that really struck me as being odd. I went to go take a shower and I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, so I stayed back near the stairs leading up to my room so that we didn't bump into each other and also because I thought that they might have wanted to use the bathroom. My housemate came running around the corner and it made us both jump. She started laughing and I apologised and asked if she was okay. She ignored me completely and instead started to talk to her boyfriend to explain what had happened. Neither of them made any effort to acknowledge me at all, despite the fact that I was standing right next to them. It just makes me feel really anxious and also kind of annoyed when people talk about me like I'm not there. It brings back memories of school where I was always used as a joke and people made it seem as though I wasn't just another person like them,
Yesterday I went for a mental health consultation and I ended up talking a lot about how I've always felt different to other people and how I was bullied a lot, so I guess I still had that on my mind today to some extent. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or if it's normal to feel awkward and anxious in a situation like this.
I know that I haven't used the boards for a while, but I really need to get this off my chest. I'm not really looking for advice, I'm just hoping to get some reassurance that I'm not the only one who would feel awkward in this kind of situation.
I made friends with someone in my student accommodation last year and we moved into a student house together this year. It's a four-bedroom house and we moved in with two girls who lived here the year before. We talked to them before we moved in and they seemed really nice, but since then I've hardly been able to get any kind of conversation going with them unless something in the house has broken. I always say hi when I see them and normally get a response from them but not always. It's the same thing with their friends. One of my housemates seems to be slightly more likely to greet me than the other. To be fair, they did invite us to a party earlier in the year, but they always seem to hold these things when we have lectures early the next morning so I didn't do anything other than come downstairs to say hi to everyone. There haven't really been any arguments or anything, other than people coming off as a bit passive-aggressive at times. I asked my friend about it and she said that she doesn't feel particularly awkward other than that we don't tend to join in with them. We're a lot more introverted than the other girls so I expected her to feel awkward to some extent too.
I guess I just blame myself because I mentioned to my family that things can be a bit awkward here sometimes and my dad asked why I allow it to be awkward. It's not a big deal, but I'm a pretty anxious person when it comes to other people and it's gotten to the point where I'm too anxious to go in the living room/kitchen area sometimes. I've even started to hear their voices coming from behind the door even when the room is completely empty. I think that at this point it's probably too late in the year to really make friends with them.
I just figured I would share this now because something just happened that really struck me as being odd. I went to go take a shower and I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, so I stayed back near the stairs leading up to my room so that we didn't bump into each other and also because I thought that they might have wanted to use the bathroom. My housemate came running around the corner and it made us both jump. She started laughing and I apologised and asked if she was okay. She ignored me completely and instead started to talk to her boyfriend to explain what had happened. Neither of them made any effort to acknowledge me at all, despite the fact that I was standing right next to them. It just makes me feel really anxious and also kind of annoyed when people talk about me like I'm not there. It brings back memories of school where I was always used as a joke and people made it seem as though I wasn't just another person like them,
Yesterday I went for a mental health consultation and I ended up talking a lot about how I've always felt different to other people and how I was bullied a lot, so I guess I still had that on my mind today to some extent. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or if it's normal to feel awkward and anxious in a situation like this.
Post edited by JustV on
1
Comments
I second @kathleen0172. I'd feel pretty crappy/awkward if this happened to me - you're not being unreasonable. And regardless, you feel the way you feel for a reason, right? Even if that's because of something internal, that's always valid.
It's a weird one for me because I know that I'm sometimes guilty of that; I might avoid eye contact and/or pretend I didn't hear somebody if I'm feeling particularly awkward or anxious. But then, I would feel super uncomfortable if someone did that to me, so I can see both sides of the coin!
Totally get this too - little things can seem like bigger things when we're preoccupied. How did the consultation go, if you don't mind me asking? Good on you for going.
I also do things like avoid eye contact sometimes. It's just weird because she was perfectly fine with joking around with her boyfriend. She's a lot more outgoing than me and I've never seen any signs of her being anxious around me. I'm not judging, I don't really know her that well and I know a lot of people are more anxious than they look. She's been okay with me since so I'm just guessing it was a one-off thing. It hasn't really bothered me since then.
The consultation didn't go exactly as planned. I had been recommended a test but the nurse kept telling me it was pointless. I got referred for CBT, but when they sent a letter it said "call the number above" and there wasn't a number. I'll call the mental health service again and ask when I have the time.