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How can i help my friend?

l0123l0123 Posts: 1 Just got here
in Health & Wellbeing
My friend is having suicidal thoughts and I don’t know how to help her. What can I do? 

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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    edited November 2018
    Heyy. Welcome to the site. 

    Can be hard knowing how to support someone. But probably doing well just by being there for her.  And i think is important to let them know how much you mean to them. 

    And maybe encouraging her to seek help with things like their Gp and ringing helplines if thats something she hasnt already tried. & maybe encouraging her to self care & do things she enjoys

    Can be hard to know what to say to someone whos expereincing suicidal thoughts but hearing them out, not judging and just trying to understand can help them. 

    But please remember to look after yourself too

    All the best
    Post edited by Siena on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,313 Part of The Furniture
    edited November 2018
    Hey @l0123, and welcome to the boards.

    You clearly care a lot about your friend and it's amazing that you're being so selfless here. Supporting people with their mental health isn't easy, so you've done the right thing to ask. :) 

    Just echoing what @Shaunie said - encouraging them to reach out to helplines (e.g. Samaritans, Papyrus, or our Crisis Messenger) or seek support through a doctor is good advice. And don't underestimate the value of listening. Oftentimes, people will need to seek support and take those steps in their own time, and being a non-judgemental, loving person in their life can be enough to support them as they reach those points. We don't need to have the answers to make a difference.

    Shaunie said:
    But please remember to look after yourself too
    ^^^
    This is so important. Supporting someone with suicidal thoughts isn't something anyone can or should do on their own. Are you getting the care you need? How are you feeling in this situation?
    The truth resists simplicity.
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    LabraBellLabraBell Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    I must confess, I'm dealing with suicidal thoughts right now, too. In fact I was brought to hospital only on monday because they got to be too much. So everything I'm saying has come directly from experience.

    The best thing you can do right now, is gently nudge her in the direction of professional support. I made the mistake of relying on informal support and generally dealing with it myself recently, and in my opinion that mistake is one of the primary reasons that I ended up losing control. Professional support can come in a lot of different places, so just look some up and make a few suggestions.

    If she doesn't want to get professional support, that's okay. Just make sure to show her some crisis numbers for if the feelings get bad enough. They can help you with feeling suicidal, and they can help you come down from the elevated emotions while you're feeling vulnerable. 

    Alternatively you could also suggest that she comes here to get support directly. This could be through posting on the discussion boards, or through coming to the support chats that happen 8pm to 9:30pm every sunday - thursday. The chats can get a bit intense sometimes but they're generally a good way to talk to people about how you're feeling in a more informal way. 

    It's also good to make sure your friend knows that she can talk to you any time she needs to. It's a sizeable responsibility to have, to know they'll come to you for support though, so just make sure you're prepared for it. This means that you'll have to listen to what she's saying, what she's struggling with, and sympathise if you can. Make sure she knows that you understand what she's saying.

    A couple tips:
    Don't challenge her. If she says something that you don't agree with, don't outright challenge her, but see if you can say something to nudge her into thinking about it another way. 

    "I don't deserve to live."
    "Yes you do."
    - 
    "I don't deserve to live."
    "What makes you deserve to live any less than someone else?" 
    "I'm a bad person. I've done stupid things in the past that hurt people"
    "But so have most people. You're no worse than them, why do you deserve to live any less than them?" 

    Do you see the difference there? The key in this is to make a person doubt what they're saying for themselves, and make them realise for themselves that they're thinking about it wrong. If I could create a metaphor for it, I would look at an oil fire. You can leave it to itself, and risk it catching on to something around it, or you can cover it over and get it under control before it grows too big. 

    Let her vent. Don't stop her mid-speech to add your advice. Generally when someone's talking about something difficult, it can be hard to start. When you're talking about it though, it's much easier to continue talking, so just make sure you're letting her talk. 

    Be patient. Don't force her to speak up about something. The fastest way to make someone close down is to try to open them up when they don't want to. Let her tell you things in her own time, and make sure she knows that she isn't obliged to answer any questions you ask her. 

    Sorry, this has turned into a bit more of a lecture than advice. Please don't take it personally if I'm saying things that you're already aware of by the way, because it's nothing personal. I'm pretty passionate about supporting people with mental health struggles, so I have a habit of being as precise as I can be with information. Let me know if it helped at all and if you want you could always direct her to talk to me for a while. I might be able to help out D 
    What do you mean I have to think of an intelligent signature?
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