My mums a bitch

Former Member

Hi, my name is Sayyed Rahman, I am 23 years old and live in central london.

I always have had major and minor arguements with my mum! I have been getting verbally abused by her for about 5 years now and REALLY cnt stand it anymore. Always shouts at me for little things which I find so stupid, furthermore shouting at me for stuff that isnt even my fault, always blames me for minor things because I am the youngest and just assumes its me. Not letting me reply back, always telling me to shutup, calling me names, cursing at me, i.e. I wish you die tomorrow, get run over by a car/ a bike/Die under a bus. 

She also has an obsessive cleaning disorder (OCD). So she washes my clothes every single day. My expensive winter jackets every
 2 days or a day in winter season. My designer clothes every time i wear them, i would get back home and have to put it in the wash or she will go mental! (Same applies for any thing wearable) 

Shouting at me over something so ridiculously small. Y did you place the tissue roll up there (when it wasnt even me I shall add) she never wants to hear what I have to say back.

Shouting at me because I have sat on the bed with my apparently dirty clothes on even though i have showered or have had a bath that day or night before. I shall add i change my clothes everytime i come back home from outdoors. (I have to shower every two days and bath on every other day because of her.) She controls the whole house, she shouts at my dad for petty things also. But for some reason he just listens to her and lets her have her way most of the time. Shes like a devil in the house.

We get into an arguement or it will just be her shouting at me atleast once a day over some something so ridiculously petty/silly at times.

She also threatens to break my tv, ps4 etc.

She shouts at me at times when realising i have not trimmed down my beard, even though we are a muslim family. Threatening me about it every other day. 

I just really cannot live like this any longer, i am so depressed and have gone through so much stress since about the age of 16, all just because of her. I just really want to move out and live on my own, i cant take the verbal abuse anymore. Please help me!

Former Member

Hello,
I'm sorry that you're going through this. She shouldn't be treating you this way. Do you think that it would be possible for you to confront her about how you feel at a time when she is calm? If not, is there anyone else you can talk to for support?. It might be worth talking to your dad about this, as it sounds like he's going through the same thing.

Former Member

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can put a lot of stress on people close to the one who has it. Has your mother ever thought about getting treatment or talking to a therapist about OCD? This could help her to slow down the compulsions she has and encourage her to think before acting. 

As you are 23, is there anyway for you to move out? Or other family members you can stay with for a little while? Perhaps talking to your siblings could help too, as they might find her habits frustrating as well.

Could you possibly talk to her about wanting to do your own laundry? You could say you feel its your own responsibility as you are an adult now and that you see she is busy and want to relive some of the work. This way you can have control over washing your own things and your mother might see that you are grown and don't need telling what to do so much anymore.

Let us know how things are going at home whenever you feel like it  

JustV

Welcome to the community, @Past User. Awesome to have you here.

This sounds like a relationships issue, so I've moved your thread over to the Sex & Relationships forum where it fits a little better and should get some more responses. I also removed the duplicate.

Happy posting!

Siena

Hey

Can relate to this so much. My mum has (what is clearly OCD but undiagnosed as she doesnt want help) and used to live with her but still see her & is all annoying. But What i have realised is no matter how i react or what i do , i cant change her. But try to understand, though she is very bitchy whih kinda feel like thats personality rather than the ocd so can see how frustating all can be  

But anyway. Also think is important to remember she is going through something that can be quite hard to understand. And that her OCD behaviours are seprate to who she is. But understand is really hard  

Is your mum getting any treatment.? Or wanting to get help?

Think is also so important to look after yourself too. And maybe look into how can move out if this is somethin you want. Hope youre okay

Former Member

Hey Sayyed,

I’m sorry to hear what you have been going through; I understand that your mum is likely to be going through some difficult times herself (and, oftentimes, this makes people more vulnerable to taking out their frustrations on others, whether they mean it or not) but this doesn’t excuse the horrible things being said at you, or mean you aren’t allowed to feel as you are.

Having read everyone else’s responses, I completely agree with everything that has been said. It’s quite natural to take out inner turmoil on other people, as I have said earlier, and not necessarily mean to cause any harm. I know from personal experience that I have said things I don’t mean when I’m really upset or stressed, and doing these things make me feel even worse in the moment, but it can be hard to admit because of stubbornness, for example. Has your mum received/is currently receiving any support with her OCD? Although it is ultimately down to whether your mum wants to receive support, it could be mutually beneficial if it were the case, though it’s important to respect her choices with this ultimately. Even if your mum doesn’t receive support with herself, it doesn’t mean that you can’t seek any external help. I don’t have much knowledge with domestic support, so I can’t necessarily recommend anything in particular, but getting help with moving out could be possible?

Alternatively, or alongside these things, it could also be an idea to try talking to your mum when (she’s feeling more calm) about how you’re feeling from everything. Of course, this can be very difficult to do, and its efficacy depends on how your mum responds herself, and we can’t control how others react or act.

With everything, I don’t doubt that you may be feeling quite low. You might be feeling like you can’t bear living like this anymore, which is quite a difficult state to stay in. Would you like to talk more about this? It could also be helpful to seek support from your GP, who could then refer you for more support or guidance on self-help, to cope.

 Take care,
-peachysoo