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I have been struggling with voices for a long time

AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
edited August 2018 in Health & Wellbeing
Hi I'm Anyamay.

I have been struggling with voices for a long time voices have told me that a strange feeling I have in my wrist is a poison capsule that I need to remove. I can feel it and I am really frightened that I am going to die and that I could infect others too. Helpp
Post edited by Aife on
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    EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Welcome to the Mix, 

    How about writing a post for what you are going though? You could include ideas as to why you might feel this way and when it started. You could also contact a GP and tell them what you are going though. 

    It was very brave of you to speak out here and address the problems you are going though so that you can begin to get though them. Well done, feel free to make a post any time you like or update us on how you are feeling.

    If you do ever feel the urge to self-harm them make sure you are in a safe place with others and nothing around you that could hurt you. https://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/expert-chat-how-do-i-cope-with-self-harm-9257.html This page could also help as well as Child-line, who can provide information about self-harm. 

    Talk to us anytime, We want to help :) 
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
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    fadedangelfadedangel Posts: 263 The Mix Regular
    Hello @Anyamay, 

    Welcome to The Mix!
     I hope you are settling in well. It is lovely to have you here and it is great that your reaching out for support. We are such a lovely community here at The Mix so please do reach out for support whenever you need and you will be greatly helped here - we don’t bite. 

    As @Eyepatch suggested, making a post about what your struggling with - this will help us understand the situation better and therefore offer you better advice and support. We are all here to help and support you so when you feel ready your very welcome to share some more about how things are for you. 

    Well done for reaching out for support today, that was really brave and you took some really big steps as i know it can be hard to do. 

    I have heard voices for quite a while now and I understand they’re often very hard to cope with. Your always welcome to pm me if you would like to talk more but I do definitely recommend you continue to reach out on the boards as many people here will be able to relate to you and share their advice. 
    The Mix staff are also lovely and willing to help if you need anymore services for support, they can signpost you to some really good websites. You can also make use of group chats Sunday to Thursday and the various articles on the Mix, there are some really useful ones on voices and a range of other topics. I can see @Eyepatch sent you a really good one, definitely have a read - there are some excellent strategies.  

    if you ever feel the need to harm then move yourself away from anything you could hurt yourself with and surround yourself with others who can keep an eye on you and support you. A couple of really good services who can support you are, obviously the Mix and Childline. I also suggest Mind for some more articles. If you don’t feel you can keep yourself safe then call 999 but the main thing is, talk to someone. 

    Reach out for support and talk to us anytime, we are here for you :) 

    Take Care, sending hugs  <3

    - Lauren 
    « I have been through hell but the best is yet to come « 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    Welcome to the The Mix

    so sorry you’re struggling this way. I don’t suffer with vioces myself & only can imagine how frustating and horrible it is. But I hope you  seek immedate help if feel in danger of hurting yourself Take care

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    I don't know why I feel this way. It started when I was about 13. 

    The crisis team have just popped round and just watched me take Risperidone ane Zopiclone. I feel disgusting now. I've just put posion in my body. There telling me to force myself to be sick so they come back out. I feel sick anyway. I feel gross. I'm pacing like mad. They made me be sick and least the poison is out of me now but the crisis team are coming back later to give me my evening meds. I just won't swallow them this time.

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    AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,031 Boards Guru
    edited August 2018
    Hey @Anyamay

    Welcome to The Mix. You've taken a really positive step to reach out here for support. Everyone here is so lovely and we're all here to support you. 

    It sounds like the voices you are hearing are quite powerful and you've been hearing them for quite some time. Did anything happen when you were 13 when you started hearing these voices?

    You mentioned that you are feeling really frightened you might die because of this feeling in your wrist. It can be really scary when the voices are saying things like this. Have you told anyone else about this feeling your experiencing? Do you feel like you can keep yourself safe from harming yourself?

    Eyepatch linked a really great article on The Mix's website about self-harm that you might find helpful to read through if you are having urges to harm yourself because of the voices. There's also this one about hearing voices that you might find helpful too.

    How powerful would you say these voices are? When they are telling to do things, do you feel like you can challenge them or say no to them? 

    I hope things go okay with the crisis team this evening. Keep us updated with how it goes. We're all here for you :) 

    (p.s. I edited your first post slightly and removed the detail about how the voices want you to harm yourself. This is just to keep things safe for other people to read here.). 
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    I was locked in a room when I was 13 by men but I don't know why I started hearing them then.

    No I haven't told anyone else about the capsule in my wrist. No, I'm self harming but not necessarily to die but I wouldn't mind either way.

    They are very powerful, no, I don't feel able to challange them.

    I took the antipsychotic lastnight when they came back round but I refused the zopiclone. I'm with the home treatment team now and someone has just been round I refused both meds so he said his going to get the doctor to come back round
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    They keep telling me to strip. Flash my boobs at the doctor and stuff. Give him a lapdance and ask strangers if they want a blowjob 
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    AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,031 Boards Guru
    edited August 2018
    Hey @Anyamay

    I hope your doing okay today. It sounds like you're feeling really worried about having to take this medication. What's making you worry about taking this medication? 

    It's okay if you're not sure why you started hearing these voices. It sounds like this memory of when you were 13 is something that stands out to you. How did you feel being locked in that room?

    You mentioned that you haven't told anyone about this capsule in your wrist. Is there anything that's worrying you about telling someone about it? There's lots of people out there who can help you if you're scared about what the voices are saying. Are you getting much support at the moment?

    It sounds like these voices are really powerful which can be scary and hard to cope with at times. You mentioned that you don't feel able to challenge them. Is that something you'd like to try? In the hearing voices article I linked you to above, there's some techniques you can try if you're finding the voices hard to cope with. I've included a section from the article below.

    There are a variety of coping techniques you can try if your voices or visions are becoming too distressing. Always speak to your doctor if you feel unable to cope or contact Childline. 

    To cope try techniques such as: 

    • Challenging the voices or saying no to them 
    • Creating a profile of the voice, such as its gender, age or what triggers make it appear 
    • Writing down how you’re feeling in a diary or expressing your feelings in artwork 
    • Distracting yourself from the voices by wearing earplugs, singing or even watching TV 
    • Using a grounding technique like focusing on your feet or counting your breaths 
    • Keep your favourite object with you, such as a picture or toy 
    Have you tried any of these coping techniques before?
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    edited August 2018
    The medication is poision I dont want more poision in me. 

    I'm possessed by devils. I've just been self-harming because the devils said to.

    Yeah I get a bit of support. The HTT came round this morning but no-one answered the door so I don't know if they'll come back but I've just text my social worker to say I'm possessed by the devils and I'm self-harming. 

    Yeah I have tried most of them techniques.

    Post edited by TheMix on
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    Oh fs man, I'm going to kick of now! My social worker text back she has spoke with the HTT and she just told me they've been waiting on a bed for me they're just waiting on the details. Looks like I'm being sectioned again. I'm not ill, the devil has actually possessed me. These things are real and actually happening.
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    JamJarJamJar Posts: 274 The Mix Regular

    First off want to say you have been very brave by speaking out on here, and that everyone on The Mix wants to help. 

    You said that you think you are going to be sectioned again. What was the first time like for you? Do you feel you've progressed since then or do things feel very much the same? 

    Also you say you are possessed, but how do you feel when you are gripped by this possession? None of us on the Mix doubt how real it must feel, but does it make you feel frustrated helpless, angry, determined? 

    On a side note, how have you found the act of writing influence or not influence the way you've been feeling? Sometimes verbalising, or writing, our thoughts can help us better reflect on what aspects of a situation we truly care about. Have you had any moments of clarity from posting on the Mix? 

    Just to say you are doing really well so far. Aife and Eyepatch have suggested some interesting reads, and remember we are all here to support in any way we possibly can. 
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    I was on a section 2 in March and April, that was my first section. This is my second (I have been sectioned, section 2 again) so I've been out 4 months. The first section was horrible because they restrained me and forcefully injected me. I had like 7 nurses around me and holding me down. No, things are very much the same.

    I feel angry.

    I don't know what you mean have I had any moments of clarity from the mix.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    edited August 2018


    Hope you’re okay.  Let us know how youre getting on.
    Post edited by Siena on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    Well I've been here a few hours and atm I'm on 121 but I've just been told that the nurse is happy to take me of 121 (if she does that I don't know where she's looking) she just needs to check with someone she said. Fs they've just swapped my 121 and its a fucking male!!!! I said no males on 121s. She said though if I self harm I'll be back on 121 so I duno if to risk it. Oh yeah they checked my dressing gown pockets but not my coat pockets or my teddy! Wtf man. I'm allowed ear phones but not a pen! 
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    edited August 2018
    I've been self-harming

    [edited by a moderator]
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    Okay. Let’s maybe talk about how you feel because sayings method of self harm and suicide can be triggering for others. How are you feeling & how can we help you?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    I'm feeling shit man. Just tried to end my life but they said there specially designed toilets because its a mental health hospital. I'm so fucking angry
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    Feeling shit
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    Death by a toilet wouldn’t be a nice way to go anyway. 

    Just remember they’re there to help and want what’s best & were here to listen
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Are the people at the hospital helping? Perhaps you could try talking to them about what you are going though right now.

    I can be very hard to think clearly when we are angry, how about try to lay down and breathe until you feel calm enough to talk to someone there? Or even see if there are any healthy activities that can help you calm down? 

    You are in a safe place right now, and the people there want to see you recover and so do we :) 
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    No staff at this hospital aren't helping because they took a self harmig item of me that I need but I've got another one for emergencies. One of the staff just played guess who with me. So some are helping. I'm not in a safe place they want to poison me and kill me.
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    EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    They took the item from you because they don't want you to hurt yourself, perhaps talk to the one who played guess who with you.

     They don't want to poison you, although sometimes when under stress we think others are out to get us. How about going along with them for a while and seeing what happens? 

    About the other self-harm item, could you give it to one of the staff there? This would show them that you want to get better, and they will trust you more and try harder to help. 
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    No I am keeping one self harm item
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    EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Why? Its only going to hurt you, and the staff there can protect you.
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    edited August 2018
    @Anyamay
    do you want to get better? Or would you rather hear vioces til you die?
    the staff are there to help but ultimately we are the only ones who can help ourselves and you have to be willing to take that help. . So I’d take all the help you can and let people help you. Like when you reached out to social worker & are on here.
    Understand is hard though. But we don’t have a chioce of mental illness but have a chioce to help ourselves & to not let it define us
    Post edited by Siena on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    I cant get better so theres no point in being here. No-one can remove the devils inside of me unless they surgically cut my head and body open. 
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    EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    You can get better, they are your devils and you can throw them out with just your mind. You might just need a little help from others to get strong enough to do it. 
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    Not a chance
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    AnyamayAnyamay Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    Not a chance
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    EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Perhaps you need to give yourself that chance?
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
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