This morning I woke in such a state!

[Deleted User]

I'd had an anxiety dream this morning and not only woke crying, but had a coughing fit from morning congestion. It occasionally happens, but this time I got the thumps. Miserable from waking at 6 AM, coughing like a seal and feeling B awful I reached for my blood pressure tablets. It's a morning dose, but not usually so early. I kept coughing feeling ghastly.

Does anyone else feel they can't talk first thing in the morning, and feel so blah? Like, not a morning person?

Sophie hugged me and stroked my back while I cried and cried. I suppose everything caught up with me. My loss of Ines from a cancelled wedding caused by my recent diagnosed heart condition; the shock of Soph being older which has become a legal scandal and somebody in my family again got her name in a newspaper for 'being in possession'. Yesterday I came close to ripping the home phone off the table. It wouldn't stop ringing.

Whereas some mornings I feel great. The sun shines, I can breathe normally and my breakfast porridge isn't gloppy.

 

Former Member

Aww sweet, I’m sorry you woke up feeling so awful ♥️
Let it all out, if you need to cry then it’s a way you can release all that stress and overwhelming thoughts. 

I did too today for some reason. I think everything for me, as it has for you, has just piled up as nothings been resolved so I just broke down. There’s only so much we can cope with I’ve grown to learn that. 
Sending lots of hugs to you, I hope you feel better soon. 

Maybe do some self care today lovely, painting? 
You always seem so happy while focusing on self care and painting so if you feel well enough maybe do some of that lovely. 

I do wake up feeling awful, I’m certainly not a morning person. I do wake up just feeling so blah that I can’t speak it is awful, I know how your feeling sweetie. 
Get some rest today sweetie, take care of yourself. I hope you feel better soon and I’m thinking of you lovely. 

Remember, you have a lot to cope with it is natural to feel so overwhelmed that you get to breaking point. I get to that point all the time but something I’ve learnt is that I can just cry when I’ve got to that point, which does help. Let everything out to Sophie or someone, it will really help. 

Really proud of you @Floxy, stay strong and keep fighting ♥️

[Deleted User]

Thank you dear @Thoughtsy

I'm about to do some self-care. And the painting was finished yesterday, so Soph is taking me somehere she calls "Magical".

Former Member

Hey Floxy,

Sorry to hear you woke up in such a stressful state yesterday morning, but nice to see that Thoughtsy's response shows you're not alone

Just wanted to ask how you were this morning? Sometimes when we have bad experiences, those bad experiences can make us apprehensive about going through the same thing again. Was it easy or difficult to get yourself to sleep last night? 

Whether or not we are morning larks or night owls is an interesting question. Would you say that you feel more yourself, chattier, and functioning better, later in the day? 

Any issue, big or small, is significant on the Mix so please continue sharing what's on your mind If I don't reply, remember that there is always someone here to listen

[Deleted User]

JamJar said:

Hey Floxy,

Sorry to hear you woke up in such a stressful state yesterday morning, but nice to see that Thoughtsy's response shows you're not alone

Just wanted to ask how you were this morning? Sometimes when we have bad experiences, those bad experiences can make us apprehensive about going through the same thing again. Was it easy or difficult to get yourself to sleep last night? 

Whether or not we are morning larks or night owls is an interesting question. Would you say that you feel more yourself, chattier, and functioning better, later in the day? 

Any issue, big or small, is significant on the Mix so please continue sharing what's on your mind If I don't reply, remember that there is always someone here to listen

Hi @JamJar

Aww, this is so kind of you to ask, but presently I'm in France on a few days away and met some musicians in Reims where last evening I did some busking. Waking late, enjoying a leisurely French breakfast and later doing some morning stretches with my carer Sophie has been helpful. But I've never been a morning person.

Had a bugger of a hangover the other morning. I forgot that Medoc and Cassis was so gluggable.

Since the cellulitis affected my heart which incidentally, already had a condition at the time I was completely unaware, I have had to turn around my lifestyle. Instead of going 'on the road' to concerts, I've taken up my oil painting using palette knife and to my joy, been attracting buyers. It's all been rather exciting, so since leaving hospital I've taken on a much more relaxed state: oil painting when I feel up to it, and occasional busking with either one of my acoustic guitars, or playing my alto sax. In-between has been my enjoying a good book, or taking a swim.

Habitually, JamJar, I go to bed fairly early and this has been helpful. A slow breakfast usually of porridge and sliced bananas (thanks @Past User for the recipe!) helps the diabetes, and that in itself is well under control thanks to a very good healthcare nurse seeing me regularly.

But trying to find sleep at night has been difficult until my British doctor prescribed me a short course of sleeping tablets, so I can get back into the habit of 10-10:30 PM sleep. They've worked, though tonight I've a mini concert to commence in half an hour.

But no more climbing ladders to repair the roof, be it our barn or heaving heavy terracotta barrel tiles of my villa. Instead I go about my gentle business and loving the change that everyday brings. Coming back to my other home in eastern England to greener pastures and a nice pub down the road has taken me away from the dangerously scorching hot Mallorca where 40C + temperatures soar and thunderstorms threaten. Presently enjoying some holiday, by next week I will be back home to Mallorca and picking up where I left off. One has to, for one is governed by life saving medicines for my heart, but being chattier like here? Hard to say, really. If I see someone who has posted and I can reach out to help them, fine. But it's more practical for my taking one day at a time while remembering that tomorrow hasn't happened yet.

Or sometimes I feel the need to have some time off The Mix, just to get some perspective, check out where one's heading in life, go somewhere quiet and green or maybe sit by still waters. Get some think time. Some Me Time, also. That is healthy and all of us need it, even overworked staff here.

Here, I like sharing what I can and finding out useful things for people, but not everything I suffer in myself can be helped should I  reach out on the forums. For example, I find it difficult to talk to strangers because of having 'Selective Mutism' which started when I was a child, possibly stemming from my fear of our violent father.

Trigger Warning in Spoiler

In rage, my father used to throw me around the room a lot. I used to bounce off walls. He'd pick me up and trhow me across the lawn. I used to hide in the wardrobe or under my bed, like Belle who used to live with us. Father was a brutish violent man and my mother was an alcoholic. She hastened her death last Boxing Day. Both parents are dead. But have I ever had help for the violence? Not yet. I still get nightmares. I wake crying and Sophie my beloved helps me. Don't know what I'd do without her. I'm frightened of men, generally.

You can read about Selective Mutism here. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/selective-mutism/

Selective Mutism can make it very difficult for me to answer emails or private messages unless I know the sender well and feel comfortable with them.

But there again, if I pick up my Martin and begin to play, then singing out to a listening smiling public does wonders for the silence within. And back home be it Mallorca, France of England in the loving company of dear Sophie, I no longer feel lonely.

And I've made some terrific friends here. 

Thank you.

Dancer

I am so sorry to hear about the cancelled wedding and that you feel so bad. I am glad that Sophie is so caring towards you

Former Member

I really hope you feel better now and that it doesn't happen again, would you be able to ask a doctor if you could take your tablets before bed so that you don't wake up feeling like this again? Im not sure if it would make a difference but you could always ask  

I really don't do mornings, I think I was supposed to be nocturnal because Im quiet all day and then as soon as it gets dark I have a wave of energy. All my best work is usually done from 8pm to 2am, not the best sleeping schedule I admit but better than average for a student.  

Its great you have such a caring person like Sophie with you, I'm sure you are very proud of her  
You mentioned a family member getting her name in the paper? If she is under 18 then you can ring up the newspaper or even sue them for breaking the law, if she is older than you could try ringing them anyway and ask that the statement be revoked as it is a lie and hurting both of you. 

We share a dislike of gloppy porridge Have you tried putting apple slices, raisins and cinnamon into your porridge after its done? Its really tasty and gives you lots of heathy vitamins  

[Deleted User]

Eyepatch said:

I really hope you feel better now and that it doesn't happen again, would you be able to ask a doctor if you could take your tablets before bed so that you don't wake up feeling like this again? Im not sure if it would make a difference but you could always ask  

I really don't do mornings, I think I was supposed to be nocturnal because Im quiet all day and then as soon as it gets dark I have a wave of energy. All my best work is usually done from 8pm to 2am, not the best sleeping schedule I admit but better than average for a student.  

Its great you have such a caring person like Sophie with you, I'm sure you are very proud of her  
You mentioned a family member getting her name in the paper? If she is under 18 then you can ring up the newspaper or even sue them for breaking the law, if she is older than you could try ringing them anyway and ask that the statement be revoked as it is a lie and hurting both of you. 

We share a dislike of gloppy porridge Have you tried putting apple slices, raisins and cinnamon into your porridge after its done? Its really tasty and gives you lots of heathy vitamins  

Hello @Eyepatch

The tablets I take, one is for mornings and the other, about 12 hours later just before I have dinner. It's a nice spread so they are unlikely to contra-indicate though these apparently don't so therefore I'm fortunate. One is a beta blocker, the other I believe, an ACE-inhibitor which also safeguards my kidneys with the relatively newly diagnosed diabetes type 2. Not the tpe 1 which was originally assumed. It seems more and more younger people are getting type 2 though I have never been overweight.

Sophie became my carer because her ability to look after me came out of love, and what she does is numerous. I'd prefer to talk about that in a pm, but she's also talented making jewellery and music. As we are now a smaller family, she is with me all the time. Sophie intends a career in jewellery. Her stuff is beautiful. She makes me happy. I love how she puts people first.

Our aunt Fiona knows privacy laws very well, but the one who was 'caught in possesion' was living in another country, but deserved being named and shamed and consequently jailed til her brief got her bailed. She's over 18 anyway. What was annoying though was the photographer photographer her on private property, so the newspaper got fined. I'm glad I was well out of the situation, but even so hate any news of my family reaching public attention. The upside is living in Mallorca because we are not known there as it's more a tourist destination.

My best time of the day is around midday. By then the breakfast will have built me up, and I have other foods such as muesli, all health stuff. Only occasionally will i have a full English breakfast. Tht is very yum! 

This evening, Sophie and I played a concert to a happy audience inn our hotel of about 200 and our keyboardist came which made a big difference. We were paid well and the income was very welcome. What I liked most was afterwards, I didn't feel tired out. Now, I've got to find sleep and that won't be long because our hotel beds are beautifully comfortable. Soon I should go out like a light.

It was lovely talking to you and thank you also, @Kasa2103

[Deleted User]

Please would @The Mix close my topic?

Since breakfast my health has taken a hit and am waiting for a doctor to arrive.

I am taking leave of the forum.

Dancer

Oh dear @Floxy Get better soon. Whatever happened needs to go away now once and for all