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Is it worth staying?

MAP98MAP98 Posts: 18 Fast Newbie
So I work in care and recently I have been getting abuse in work by a client - sexual assault to be honest - and it has happened over 5 times, which I think is unacceptable that it has taken more than these incidents for the management to step in and realise it isn't right, I do have the right to go to the police but it isn't what I want to do. Some have been minor but some have also been major assault and it has now left me feeling very vulnerable going back to work as anybody that comes near me, or touches me I flinch. As at where I work they have challenging behaviours it is hard not to be touched - even if they just brush past me but I am now at the stage where I just cry and cry, I cannot handle it.
Today I went to see the Mental Health Nurse in work and she thinks that I am going back into the vicious old circle of 'anxiety and depression' though I know I am not depressed just mega emotional about the whole ordeal, and slightly on edge about it all too, I think and she does too that I am not fit for work as I need to be 'well' to work in an organisation in care. I am off to the doctors tomorrow to see what they can do but I am pretty nervous about it cause I wonder what they may say or whether they'll give me a sick note so I can have the time off to get my head together and go to see a counsellor. 
I suppose the general question I am asking is, how do I become unafraid of people, I flinch and get angry when my mum pats me on the back because 'why is she touching me!!!' I know once I do talk about things and get mega emotional I do realise that yes, I really shouldn't be like this I should be enjoying my time. 
TheAprilFool

Comments

  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 2,933 Mega Poster
    Hi

    im so sorry this has been happening. Completely unacceptable for management to take awhile to realise it isnt right. 

    It is normal to feel uncomfortable after a traumatic experience and even flitch as a defense mechanism. 

    Im not sure on how to stop this tho but being aware of why you do it is a great start. Youve assocated touching with being negative and unsafe. But it isnt always unsafe and being mindful that touching can be postive thing like hugging someone. & Expecting and knowing people to touch you - may also help- because even patting your Mum patting you on the back can be to comfort you or to just get their attention but not negative. And giving toughing a new postive assocation could help

    But i think seeing a counsellor and talking about this would be helpful. As the memories may just keep coming back. And would help you to demystify it and understand it better to help you to cope.

    Staying at your work place is entirly up to you. But if work is making you so upset and to the point you say you cant cope - then taking a break from work to like you said -to help yoursef -may be the best option. Cause your wellbeing is obviously v important 

    take care and all the best
    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” Marvin J. Ashton 🌸🌸
    TheAprilFoolMAP98
  • TheAprilFoolTheAprilFool Posts: 162 The Mix convert
    Hello.
    I'm sorry to hear that this has been happening to you. I agree that talking to a counsellor and possibly taking a break from work is the best way to go. I'm not sure how you can stop feeling this way, but your issues with being touched are learned so it is possible for you to unlearn them. This is something you should be able to work through with the counsellor.

    I hope things get better for you soon.
    MAP98
  • MAP98MAP98 Posts: 18 Fast Newbie
    Shaunie said:
    Hi

    im so sorry this has been happening. Completely unacceptable for management to take awhile to realise it isnt right. 

    It is normal to feel uncomfortable after a traumatic experience and even flitch as a defense mechanism. 

    Im not sure on how to stop this tho but being aware of why you do it is a great start. Youve assocated touching with being negative and unsafe. But it isnt always unsafe and being mindful that touching can be postive thing like hugging someone. & Expecting and knowing people to touch you - may also help- because even patting your Mum patting you on the back can be to comfort you or to just get their attention but not negative. And giving toughing a new postive assocation could help

    But i think seeing a counsellor and talking about this would be helpful. As the memories may just keep coming back. And would help you to demystify it and understand it better to help you to cope.

    Staying at your work place is entirly up to you. But if work is making you so upset and to the point you say you cant cope - then taking a break from work to like you said -to help yoursef -may be the best option. Cause your wellbeing is obviously v important 

    take care and all the best
    Thank you so much for your message, I took it all to heart and want to say thanks very much. 
    I did leave the workplace and I have been so much better off and happier outside of it, just like I was before I started there.
    Despite everything that happened I am slowly getting back to the person that I was, which I think is a relief for everyone around me and most of all myself. 
    Speaking about it has definitely helped, I have some good friends that let me vent, also this website has done me a world of good allowing me to type all my feelings out. 
    Shaunie
  • MAP98MAP98 Posts: 18 Fast Newbie
    Hello.
    I'm sorry to hear that this has been happening to you. I agree that talking to a counsellor and possibly taking a break from work is the best way to go. I'm not sure how you can stop feeling this way, but your issues with being touched are learned so it is possible for you to unlearn them. This is something you should be able to work through with the counsellor.

    I hope things get better for you soon.
    Thank you, I have got better with time that I have given myself and I no longer fear being touched, I am a little awkward around those I'm not sure with what they want but am more open and accepting than I was with things... I no longer shout at my mum etc. 

  • MikeMike Posts: 1,255 Moderator
    edited October 2018
    MAP98 said:

    Thank you, I have got better with time that I have given myself and I no longer fear being touched, I am a little awkward around those I'm not sure with what they want but am more open and accepting than I was with things... I no longer shout at my mum etc. 

    So awesome to hear you're feeling better about things, @MAP98. Even if you're not exactly where you want to be, progress of any kind is very commendable given what happened. :) It's not always easy to take those big steps for our own good (leaving workplaces, etc.), so good on you.

    Did you end up getting counselling, or did you stick to talking to friends and family?
    this too shall pass
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