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Eating Disorder and Social Anxiety

123lozza123123lozza123 Posts: 32 Boards Initiate
in Health & Wellbeing
Hello all. I was on this board a few years ago but my account got deactivated because I wasn't on it for a while. I have decided to come back to it because I've been struggling over the last few months.

 So on the 24th of March my friend was rushed into hospital due to her eating disorder getting worse and I was really worried. For weeks after this I blamed myself for not being there for my friend and not noticing that she was getting worse. Anyway after a month she was fortunate enough to be told she could come out of hospital but she was told to be monitored by family and friends on a regular basis to check she wasn't getting worse again. anyway this is when things had a turn for the worse as unfortunately my friend didn't have the motivation to get better and her family also didn't seem to be helping her. I as a close friend was trying my hardest to help her but at times it was bringing back things that I have been through in the past linked to eating disorders and therefore I had to take a step back to look after myself. Anyway she didn't improve and unfortunately on the 2nd of June (2018) she passed away in her sleep. The last few days have been tough for me but part of me feels relieved at the same time as emotional as she was really suffering and I hated seeing her like this.

That's the background to why I have written this post. Over the last few months since ive been helping my friend with her eating disorder I have had the fear that mine is coming back. its especially been the case she came out of hospital and that I could see she wasn't getting any better. over the last few weeks ive been struggling to eat regular meals and I struggle especially with eating out in public. 

any advice would be much apprieciated

this is just one of the things that is going on in my life right now, ive got a lot of stress.

Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit

    Heya & welcome back!


    I am so sorry for your loss & everything youre dealing with


    You sound like you helped her so much while she was struggling so deeply. 

    - you gotta look after yourself too. Do you have anyone you can reach out to support right now or any supoort youre recieveing? Its great that youve noticed yourself that youre not eating well and is the first step to imporving it. 

    We’re listening if you wanna also talk about your other stresses

    Here with you in support,

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • 123lozza123123lozza123 Posts: 32 Boards Initiate
    Hi. thanks for that and its so hard dealing with all of this. I did help my friend so much during the last few months when she was struggling the most even though at times it was triggering things for me at times. I know I need to look after myself especially considering I need to eat for 2 people as I'm pregnant and I know that not eating properly will effect the baby growth and development. I do have regular counselling but other then that I feel alone because I haven't been able to have the confidence to speak to my family about whats been going on for me recently with the fear of my eating disorder coming back. I know I haven't been eating probably and I know its good that I'm talking about it, I do not eat regularly enough and I know that's bad but its because I don't want to put the weight on. the other things that are going on for me is that  I'm trying to bring up another child as a single mum (and therefore ive got to work as many hours as possible and this is causing to be difficult) whilst pregnant again and I'm still trying to come to terms with losing my friend and also lost my auntie at the beginning of this year which was hard because she was like a mum to me and the friend I lost was like a sister to me.
    Thanks for the reply Shaunie
  • PuffinEthicsPuffinEthics Posts: 74 Budding Regular
    Hi @123lozza123

    I know I've replied to your other post, but just wanted to reach out here and say that it seems like your going through an awful lot, and that we are all listening.

    Its good that you're having regular counselling. 
    Could you try to put some time aside for you to relax and give yourself time out? With having all of those things to deal with, just giving yourself 20 minutes a day doing something you like that's relaxing could perhaps give you a little break? 

    The loss of your friend is so recent, and I'm really sorry for that loss, have you got many people to talk about it with?

    Thank you, 

    PuffinEthics


  • 123lozza123123lozza123 Posts: 32 Boards Initiate
    Hi PuffinEthics.
    Thanks for replying on this board too. I am going through an awful lot right now and thanks for saying there are people there to listen.
    Yeh I am having regular counselling and that is helping.  I do try and give myself time to relax before I go to bed to help me sleep. That's another issue I'm having right now, I'm struggling to get much sleep cause got so much on my mind.
    Yeh I lost my friend very recently and I haven't felt I can open up with anyone about whats gone on too be honest. I am going to on Saturday however with work manager cause she knew about my friend when she was really ill and in hospital and I said I would update her on things and I know for a fact that is going to be such a hard conversation to have. 
    L x 


  • Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @123lozza123

    I'm sorry to hear you are going through a lot - sounds really tough. If you want to talk about anything, as @Azziman said we're all here to listen. I'm glad to hear that regular counselling is helping. Don't be too hard on yourself on getting back to 'normal' with sleeping etc, these things are all going to take time after what you've been through. How did the conversation on Saturday go?

    - Lucy  <3
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • 123lozza123123lozza123 Posts: 32 Boards Initiate

    Hey @Lucy307 thanks for the reply.  Yeh I’ve been through a lot and is getting hard on me too be honest. Thanks for saying you are there if I need someone to listen. I am having regular counselling but at sometimes even that I don’t even feel that’s helping. I am feeling hard on myself because it is hard getting back to normal and if you have seen some of my other posts you may understand more why and what I’m going through. The conversation on Saturday went well, she was concerned because of what I had to tell her but at the same time she wanted to help me as much as possible. I’m anxious about the doctor’s appointment on the 22nd too be honest, I have found someone to take me now but it’s still meaning I need to make up a reason to parents.

    Always here if anyone needs help x

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