Vote for post of the week

Former Member

Okay dokey folks, here's your chance to vote for post of the week.

The nominations are -

Kaff for her advice about mental health problems

It isn't him speaking, it's the illness. So if you ever do get to the stage where you feel you need to ignore him, even for a little while, it might help to think of it as you not letting his illness get its way

MoK on talking to parents

I can't speak for your parents because I don't know them but most parents really just want you to be happy, it's all we ever want. Sometimes we don't get that across very well...

Clementine on Amelie from the great World Cinema thread

I'm so happy no one has mentioned amelie yet. just say NO.

Strubbles comment to someone worried about the pain of losing their virginity

There is a simple mathematical formula

P(L,D,d) = (L+D)² * (1/d + µ)

P (dependent on L, D and d)... Pain [International Pain units]
L... Lenght of Penis [meter]
D... Diameter of penis [meter]
d... Diameter of vagoo [meter]
µ... stretch-factor -> the amount of elastic, plastic and brittle deformation in % during intercourse. In case of brittle deformation please replace or send in your vagoo for repair.

I'm With Stupid on bartending

Meh, I've worked on a bar. I tend to have a bit of a Bernard Black attitude towards people who are wankers though. Fuck 'em. They're not worth the hassle.

My favourite customers are the ones who think they're experts though. They get really fussy about having the right brand of gin or vodka. Of course the right brand of gin for their discerning palate just happens to be the one that's advertised on the TV, but for all intents and purposes is no different from the cheap shit. Never one of the many other far better options of the back bar that they've obviously never heard of. Another good one is the person who's ordering a cocktail they had on holiday, and so naturally knows how to make it better than you do. Often, of course, it's just an excuse to bang on about the time they went backpacking across some shit-tip where your Long Island Iced Tea was practically all alcohol for less than a pound. I wonder if these people go into Indian restaurants and bang on to the waiters about some meal they had in Mumbai while they were volunteering at an orphanage? But of course the most irritating person is the one who wants a shot of something, but they want it in a particular way, and naturally they can't remember how they want it, and expect you to know how they serve it in some obscure Eastern European nightclub they went to on their 18-30 vomit-fest.

My tip? Don't take the job too seriously, and always serve Guinness first. If anyone asks for Guinness at the end, you have the legal right to smash the glass over their head.