To Tell or Not To Tell?

Former Member

Hello all,

I am a regular poster using a different name because I would prefer this to be anonymous.

I found out a couple of days ago that the man I have been with for the past two years has, for the past couple of months been seeing someone else. I kind of know her, I have met her a couple of times and she seems like a nice girl, though we aren't friends or anything. I know that she doesn't know about me, she doesn't know that me and him were a couple.

So my question is, should I tell her? My first instinct is not to, because I have an aversion to meddling or interfering, and I feel like I shouldn't get involved with that. But then I think, I am so glad now that I know, and although I'm devastated and heartbroken I'd rather know than not know. If I were her, I would want to know.

But I'm worried that I might be wanting to tell her for the wrong reasons. That the reason I want to tell her is not because I want to spare her the misery of getting involved with a bastard like him, but because I want to hurt him, and ruin his relationship with her. And if there's anything worse that meddling, it's ill intentioned meddling. I am generally appalled by people who interfere, pretending it's out of care or concern, when really it's spite or anger.

And I am still furious with him, absolutely raging, so I can't work out what to do. If I were her though, I would want to know.

So my options are:

1. Stay quiet, do nothing
2. Tell her myself
3. Tell him that if he doesn't tell her, I will.

Which should I do? All opinions very welcome here, as I'm really conflicted!

I should add that the reason I am considering telling her myself, rather than making him tell her, is that I don't believe he'll actually do it, and I have no way of finding out. I don't really have any contact with her, so it's not like I'll know if he's told her or not.