Totally And Utterly Confused, Plz Plz Plz Help!

Former Member

I'm sure everyone has the same problem of where to start but here goes. I'm 22, good looking with a baby face and 'in touch with my femine side' i'm told! From i started secondary school i've sometimes been slagged for being gay and if i'm honest when i first meet someone they often think i'm gay, must be the vibes i give or the fact i have alot of female friends but usually when they get to know me they usually dismiss it or come straight out and ask me. I have dealt with that know and to be honest it doesn't bother me at all, thats just me.

Up until nearly exactly one year ago I would have been 99% confident that i was straight (i have never had a long term girl friend but every night i go out i'm with a different girl, i just seem to love the chase not to mention the dirty sex with my on off female fuck buddy for the last five years),THEN when i was supposed to be studying for my final exams i was looking at porn because i was bored and i stumbled across a gay website. It was the phrase 'straight men getting it on' that made me start to question if it was normal for straight men to get it on and fuck each other. It turned out that i found myself being turned on with these images of hot men, one thing led to another and after about three months i had my first experience with a man (now i met him at three in the morning walking home from this girls house and i had already had sex three times that night). It turned out to be such a let down, ok i'll be the first to say he was ugly but he kept saying it takes a man to turn on a man but even if he did know what he was doing (which i'm sure he did, he was older and doing all the work), i am a really horny sexually charged person and the whole experinece just bored me, so much so i thought nope this isnt for me. I completely dismissed the entire incident and i was content to say i tried it but i'm straight not bi. This all happened last March, i stopped the whole looking at men on the internet and returned to so called 'normal'.....UNTIL....

Two weeks ago i met this girl in a club, she was absolutely stunning (infact she is even trying to lauch her modeling career in London), i know she has a boyfiend, she is 2yrs older so i was just being my normal flirtatious self but i honestly knew it wasnt going to go anywhere, although my friends told me she really liked me and if she hadn't had a boyfirend ....bla bla bla.... About 30 mins later she comes marching up to me arms around me, whispering in my ear. Now what did she say? "My friend Mark really fancies you!' The experession on my face said it all to her, i was polite and we left in good terms but it really really annoyed me. Once again the world thinks i'm gay when all i wanted to do was fuck her not some man! (Look don't get me wrong, obviously i was flattered that some one fancied me, and i'm sure your probably thinking i'm a loser for being so annoyed at something which is really a compliment. But its the underlying issue that i obviously seem gay when i honestly think i'm not, if you know where i'm coming from)

After this inncident i got thinking and came to the conclusion, that maybe everyone is right, after all how can so many people be so wrong? I began to admit to myself ok i must be bi, because i do fancy good looking men and ofcourse good looking women, therefore i decided to experiment again to see how much i actually like men, after all the last one i'd been with was rather ugly. On boxing night i tackled this gay guy i new through a female friend, we got talking, i told him the situation and he agreed to be discreet and meet up and just see what happens. I mean i thought he was really HOT stuff, so i got very excited about meeting up which we did last night.

I picked him up in my car, we chatted for quite a long time and of course ended up making out. But from the first kiss i was bored but stayed with it for about an hour, we did pretty much everything apart from fuck although i couldnt suck is cock. I couldnt wait to get away it was boring, verging on disgusting but i felt i had to stay, after all he was going out of his way to let me experiment (obviously he was enjoying himself and he does fancy me so i thought i had to be nice).

Ok i realise i seem to be writing a novel here but i thought it was necessary so you would have a real insight into my backgroud to give me advice.

Now i'm stuck in a situation where i can honestly say that i find really hot guys attractive but i have no desire what so ever to get off with one, is this normal? is there anyone out there like me? Now i'm beggining to think i'm A sexual or something, is this a possibility? I have tried to do what the world seems to want i.e. be gay or atleast bi! whats next? i'm so confused its unreal. I have gone through so much that its as if i want to be gay for an easier life but i'm not.

I think i'm dissoppointed that i'm not bi as there is so many hot men out there to add to what i love to do most, which is have sex with hot people. But at the same time it feels like such a relief that all these years i was right to stand up for myself that i was right and the world was wrong, i'm not gay ....hahahaha sort of thing. What a contrast, this surely can't be normal, i feel like a freak, a weirdo, please someone tell me i'm not alone? I would classify myself as an inteligent person but do i need to see a Psychiatrist? What the hell is wrong with my brain, but to be honest i blame society, i say role on the next 100 years when i reakon that there will be equal numbers of gay/bi/straight people that many of my problems won't matter.

May be i thought i was attracted to men because i have no close male friends, (lots of female) and i just crave the company of a guy but to be honest i would like to make male friends but i never seem to have anything in common with them. I think i could be friends with the guy i met the other night (just friends might i add even if he is hot). So if i go down the road of hanging out with gay guys this will add to the worlds fascination of my sexuality, this really doesnt bother me any more as i already said BUT if i go down this road i will have no chance of pulling a women any more as they we definitely think i'm gay.

Look i think i have rambled on long enough, although i think its all relvant, please feel free to give me your opinions because i dont know what to do anymore, i'm slowly losing the plot. All i can say to round up is as far as i'm aware i'm certainly not gay, probably not bi, like being straight but the world thinks otherwise, and i find men good looking. Oh what to do.......?