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Can loneliness be the foundation of a healthy relationship?

JustVJustV Inactive Posts: 5,641 Part of The Furniture
in Sex & Relationships

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(^ I hope you all laughed at that as much as I did)

Everyone has times where they feel lonely. Maybe you're not in a relationship but would like to be, maybe your social life is a little too quiet, or maybe your partner has gone away. Whether it's romantic, sexual, or platonic, loneliness is something we all experience from time to time. And that desire for company is often what brings people together and creates new relationships.

But do you think loneliness can be the only reason for going into a new relationship?

Keen to hear what y'all think. :)
All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
The truth resists simplicity.
I no longer work at The Mix! If you need anything, message or tag @TheMix

Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,688 Skive's The Limit
    Ah. This is something i was actually thinking not that long ago. But then i started thinking it would be selfish to go into a relationship because i am lonely. But then thought ‘what do peopoe get out of a relationship’ and then everything i thought about ended up being about lonlieness and being alone. So kinda agree with your question.

    Like people get from relationships of ; sharing their happiness with someone else, gettig attention & affection off someone else, because they like the person and how that person makes them feel, & like sex and warmth, & caring for someone else,
    Ect — And think all that sort of stuff comes down to the fact someone may feel lonely and alone. I dunno.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • JustVJustV Inactive Posts: 5,641 Part of The Furniture
    edited June 2018
    Shaunie said:
    Ah. This is something i was actually thinking not that long ago. But then i started thinking it would be selfish to go into a relationship because i am lonely. But then thought ‘what do peopoe get out of a relationship’ and then everything i thought about ended up being about lonlieness and being alone. So kinda agree with your question.

    Like people get from relationships of ; sharing their happiness with someone else, gettig attention & affection off someone else, because they like the person and how that person makes them feel, & like sex and warmth, & caring for someone else,
    Ect — And think all that sort of stuff comes down to the fact someone may feel lonely and alone. I dunno.
    This is a really interesting line of thought, @Shaunie. It feels very obvious that people get into relationships to satisfy a personal need for companionship, intimacy, etc. One way to look at those things is that they're just different forms of loneliness.

    Thinking of it another way... do you think it would be healthy to get into a relationship because you're lonely, if you knew you didn't have much of (if any) connection to the other person? If it was solely a case of not feeling alone?
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
    I no longer work at The Mix! If you need anything, message or tag @TheMix
  • Former MemberFormer Member Noob Posts: 19 Settling in
    Thinking of it another way... do you think it would be healthy to get into a relationship because you're lonely, if you knew you didn't have much of (if any) connection to the other person? If it was solely a case of not feeling alone?
    Good question. No, that would be a bad idea in the long run. I don't think people are supposed to be a cure and take on such a huge responsibility for the other person. If someone is lonely, there's a chance that when they get into the relationship, they'll become obsessed (been there, done that), and obsession isn't a healthy relationship. People should experience all those positive things together and obviously help each other through the difficult times, but it shouldn't all be just to escape loneliness. That would be a fake relationship from the start.

    But who knows, maybe it would turn into something else. Who am I to talk... So many different people and different situations. For me it would be wrong, but maybe another person might get something good out of going into a relationship without too much connection and just seeing how it goes, instead of thinking this is their big love. 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,688 Skive's The Limit
    Mike said:
    Shaunie said:
    Ah. This is something i was actually thinking not that long ago. But then i started thinking it would be selfish to go into a relationship because i am lonely. But then thought ‘what do peopoe get out of a relationship’ and then everything i thought about ended up being about lonlieness and being alone. So kinda agree with your question.

    Like people get from relationships of ; sharing their happiness with someone else, gettig attention & affection off someone else, because they like the person and how that person makes them feel, & like sex and warmth, & caring for someone else,
    Ect — And think all that sort of stuff comes down to the fact someone may feel lonely and alone. I dunno.
    This is a really interesting line of thought, @Shaunie. It feels very obvious that people get into relationships to satisfy a personal need for companionship, intimacy, etc. One way to look at those things is that they're just different forms of loneliness.

    Thinking of it another way... do you think it would be healthy to get into a relationship because you're lonely, if you knew you didn't have much of (if any) connection to the other person? If it was solely a case of not feeling alone?
    Na definetly unhealthy. Always think thats unfair- not only to the other person but to themselves aswell cause like they could meet someone else who they really like to spend time with ect. But finding someone just cause lonely isnt the best. And al the cringy shit where they say to not go too much out of your way ect but wait for it to happen and stuff is maybe true cause then..idk

    but like i think untimiatly feeling alone would maybe make relationship better. Cause humans need all that interation otherwise will be feeling lonely  But then again i dont think its healthy to alone in the realtionship - in the sense that the person has 0 friends while in a relationship cause then that may get suffocating and need it from more than just one person idk
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,688 Skive's The Limit
    edited June 2018


    Ive also wondered that some people dont know the difference between a guy liking them vs them actually liking the guy back (for example). And i rememeber dating the first guy that said they liked me. Even tho i didnt even like him but conviced myself i did. Some people are constantly like that tho.  And i wonder if that is cause of lonlieness. Cause are ‘desperate’ but maybe arent even aware or “know” theyre purposely getting into relationship for those reasons

    That probably doesnt make sense
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    I've known my besty Ines for 5 years and during that time her marriage broke up when her dipsy husband found someone else. Lonely, she and I became good friends and her daughter became close to Sophie, both same age. Since I was in a lonely state, Ines came to stay more often and now she and her daughter live with us, and stay in a lovely spacious and stylish Airstream 684 which I bought recently second hand in very good condition.

    Ines was left her villa, but no income so had to get work, and in Spain where the minimum living wage is pitifully low, hit on hard times. Since we've been together, Ines rents her villa out and the income is very good. So all in all, she and I have a loving relationship, work together while our girls school happily together at home.

    It's a nice arrangement. Now my bed & breakfast has been officially set up as a business and passed all safety regulations it provides us with a steady income and our lives are harmonious. Since I got sick recently with diabetes that we knew was going to eventually happen, my one aunt and her partner are staying locally to help run our business while I'm taking a day at a time. To be happy and living in harmony takes effort and not get in each other's space, but we are managing well. Financially, at last things are looking far better and though a steady income should never be put central in a relationship, it is important to have several means of earning it including music. It seems at last my life is coming back together, and my best friend Ines is no longer unhappy. Our lives came together at exactly the right time in the right place. Nothing was planned, love just happened to blossom.  <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Fruit loop Inactive Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    (this will come out rambly and might not make sense as I'm half asleep haha) 
    I think honestly loneliness can be just part of a new relationship blossoming but as the sole reason I think it's honestly a tiny bit selfish, if my current relationship was purely because we were both lonely it never would have worked, there needs to be a love and friendship there not just because you need someone to talk to. 
    I think in those low lonely moments you can reach out to and meet new people and friendships or relationships can become of this, but it's not healthy if that's the only reason. 

    Getting into a relationship even though you don't have much of a connection is very unhealthy and maybe even really mean and selfish to other person depending on if that relationship means something to them. 

    I hated to actively seek a relationship purely out of loneliness and I'm glad nothing came my way because although with the right person relationships are nice, they're still hard work and require a lot of give and take. 

    I couldn't imagine what would of happened if i went Into one unprepared or not ready. 

    So overall can loneliness blossom onto better things like friendships and relationships? Sure!  But it can't be the sole reason. 

    You need to learn to enjoy your company and love yourself first x
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