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My ward has a sexuality problem

[Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
in Sex & Relationships
For those who don't know, I'm guardian to 12 year old Sophie whose twin brother was sent home today for bullying her. I'll return to that shortly.

Anyone would think that a 12 year old would not be anywhere old enough yet to decide their sexuality, but Sophie unusually started her periods at 7 years old and though is matter-of-fact and accepting of that, is convinced she is gay. Outwardly she seems to be sure, anyway. She always skips the boy bands in her teen mag and goes straight to the girls' section. When we are in town, she shows no interest in even the most attractive looking guy and bats off my suggestion that she keep her options open. After all, Sophie is a tween: too old for toys, but too young for boys. Not that she dresses inappropriately, but conservatively in jeans and jumper, wears Vans or Converse and is always polite and courteous, which I like.

Last night though, I caught her twin brother being nasty to her. He was bullying and shouting at her all because she didn't want him reading her books. My partner had told him off many a time, but last night after I left chat, I walked in to what was like a war going on, and Sophie was crying in the corner of her room with her brother towering over her. Needlessly to say the little pig was sent back to my family where the older ones have taken him into hand. But Sophie told me that she has always been scared of guys which sent alarm bells ringing in me. But nothing bad there, because after a lengthly talk over some nice crunchy French toast this morning, my partner and I knew our little darling had not been abused in any way. But she's convinced she's gay.

Mostly, I'm pretty much happy into letting Sophie decide her own sexuality. Personally, I've never put much store to mine and told her that labels are for jam jars and not to get tied up into knots about it like so many, but be cool and single-minded about who she is and having good people around her. Do you think I'm pretty much OK with my thoughts on this?

Many thanks,

Mandy <3

Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I think your thoughts are okay. I dont think having a label is imporant either - espically if theyre still questioning their sexuality. And to be open, as she is attracted to who ever she is attracted to and the labels dont really matter atm

    (Sory im not much help)

    Take care
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Shaunie wrote: »
    I think your thoughts are okay. I dont think having a label is imporant either - espically if theyre still questioning their sexuality. And to be open, as she is attracted to who ever she is attracted to and the labels dont really matter atm

    (Sory im not much help)

    Take care

    But you are a lot of help @Shaunie and I'm grateful for any thoughts as they help align mine. :)

    I'm an open person, but specially open for Sophie to come to me about anything. Thank you for the suggestions. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 151 Helping Hand
    Floxy wrote: »
    For those who don't know, I'm guardian to 12 year old Sophie whose twin brother was sent home today for bullying her. I'll return to that shortly.

    Anyone would think that a 12 year old would not be anywhere old enough yet to decide their sexuality, but Sophie unusually started her periods at 7 years old and though is matter-of-fact and accepting of that, is convinced she is gay. Outwardly she seems to be sure, anyway. She always skips the boy bands in her teen mag and goes straight to the girls' section. When we are in town, she shows no interest in even the most attractive looking guy and bats off my suggestion that she keep her options open. After all, Sophie is a tween: too old for toys, but too young for boys. Not that she dresses inappropriately, but conservatively in jeans and jumper, wears Vans or Converse and is always polite and courteous, which I like.

    Last night though, I caught her twin brother being nasty to her. He was bullying and shouting at her all because she didn't want him reading her books. My partner had told him off many a time, but last night after I left chat, I walked in to what was like a war going on, and Sophie was crying in the corner of her room with her brother towering over her. Needlessly to say the little pig was sent back to my family where the older ones have taken him into hand. But Sophie told me that she has always been scared of guys which sent alarm bells ringing in me. But nothing bad there, because after a lengthly talk over some nice crunchy French toast this morning, my partner and I knew our little darling had not been abused in any way. But she's convinced she's gay.

    Mostly, I'm pretty much happy into letting Sophie decide her own sexuality. Personally, I've never put much store to mine and told her that labels are for jam jars and not to get tied up into knots about it like so many, but be cool and single-minded about who she is and having good people around her. Do you think I'm pretty much OK with my thoughts on this?

    Many thanks,

    Mandy <3
    Hi Mandy,

    Truthfully, I think that 12 years old is quite a reasonable age to be questioning your sexuality, as is any younger or older age. I've personally found that sexuality seems to be a fluctuating thing for me, and for that reason I choose not to identify with any label, similar to how you view it, because sometimes I feel we can all get a bit too wrapped up with trying to fit a mould, when it's not always so set in stone!

    Sexuality, among many other things, is a very personal and sensitive topic, I feel the best anyone can do for those they care about is be supporting no matter what their views are, which I don't doubt you're already being! I completely agree with your thoughts.

    However, like you said, it is really quite alarming when she said that "she has always been scared of guys". This could be something deep-rooted that deserves perhaps receiving a bit more attention and looking into, since there's a multitude of reasons why this could be, and perhaps why she's convincing herself of her sexuality, just to begin with, I feel some fears (or, more accurately, phobias) can escalate to such an extent it can make everyday tasks unbearable, and so I do think it would be best to try handle situations like these as sensitively but tactfully as possible.

    -peachysoo
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    edited September 18
    Past User wrote: »
    Hi Mandy,

    Truthfully, I think that 12 years old is quite a reasonable age to be questioning your sexuality, as is any younger or older age. I've personally found that sexuality seems to be a fluctuating thing for me, and for that reason I choose not to identify with any label, similar to how you view it, because sometimes I feel we can all get a bit too wrapped up with trying to fit a mould, when it's not always so set in stone!

    Sexuality, among many other things, is a very personal and sensitive topic, I feel the best anyone can do for those they care about is be supporting no matter what their views are, which I don't doubt you're already being! I completely agree with your thoughts.

    However, like you said, it is really quite alarming when she said that "she has always been scared of guys". This could be something deep-rooted that deserves perhaps receiving a bit more attention and looking into, since there's a multitude of reasons why this could be, and perhaps why she's convincing herself of her sexuality, just to begin with, I feel some fears (or, more accurately, phobias) can escalate to such an extent it can make everyday tasks unbearable, and so I do think it would be best to try handle situations like these as sensitively but tactfully as possible.

    -peachysoo

    Hey @Past User

    It was not my sexuality that Sophie had been questioning. It was her sexuality that she had been called to question and I have already been sensitive in handling her questions - only to be completey surprised that she had been acquainting herself on gay sexuality, their lifestyles and even lesbianism on Google. Sophie has asked Belle questions, too, and I like how open-minded she has been lately and not tying herself up in knots like some young people when they angst on about what labels they are.

    I don't label myself either and never have done. Since being young I always had a suspicion of preferring girls to boys and I think Sophie has reached the consclusion also. This weekend she's got her best friend staying with us for the next ten days as we're on holiday. Her friend outed herself long ago which I thought was brave, so I expect the two girls will have a cracking good time together.

    Thank you for returning to me.

    Mandy :wave:


    Post edited by TheMix on
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