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Hard to say

Former MemberFormer Member Carer/musicianPosts: 819 Part of The Mix Family
in Health & Wellbeing
There is no easy way to say this, Over chat break i day lost a family member its a little complicated to say but it was my stepdads cousins husband, his wife sadly past away just under 2 years ago. I won't lie this past 2 weeks have been hard i did binge eat to satisfy my emotions, i did cry and i won't lie i have hurt myself on multiple occasions today being no exception.

As i am sat here on my bed typing this with a dog on the floor snoring his head off 10 miles away his funeral is drawing to a close. All i can think about is how much i miss him and if i could turn back the clocks and change 1 thing it would be to spend more time with him.

In short what i am trying to say, I am struggling with this briefing process.

Abi

Comments

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Abi, I am so sad for your loss. The shock and numbness that you must be feeling can be so unbearable during periods when you feel overwhelmed by emotion and sadness, sweeping over you like waves. Over the years since I was six, I have been through similar bereavements when family members passed away, but you may be helped by knowing that these feelings you have and will be experiencing are actually quite normal. These feelings can vary from day to day, and during this time you may want to think about finding a place where you feel safe and private so that if you want to cry, you are able to without feeling that others are listening. This may be under the pillow or at the bottom of the garden or just wherever is right for you. If you are unable to cry, don’t think you are abnormal because we are all different in the way we react. You could try other ways of expressing your emotions, and you may find such things as a well loved walk or sitting quietly in a peaceful place may offer you something which you cannot get anywhere else at this time.

    You may even have feelings of anger and hopelessness which come upon you like it did me, leaving us feeling drained and ghastly so it is quite normal to binge eat or have that way of coping in hurting yourself because I have been exactly there during the process of my own grief. Is there someone in your family who could talk to you about about happy memories from the past and recalling family occasions, because fond memories can be kept alive in one's heart no matter how broken, happy memories are healing as they are comforting. I would like you to think that there are no right or wrong ways to grieve. We are all different, and we all have past experiences that will make us react in our own special way.

    Things, however, will never be the same again and learning to live a different life will take time and patience as you come to terms with your loss. I want you to look out for yourself, Abi. Try and look after yourself, eat regular meals and have a breath of fresh air every day if you can. Follow your feelings, don't stifle them - if you feel sad and need a cry, find a safe place to do so because it may release some of your emotions. If you feel angry then find a place to release your anger safely. Perhaps a brisk walk, some gardening or other exercise might help?

    You may find The Compassionate Friends helpful: https://www.tcf.org.uk/content/in-your-area/ This is a nationwide self-help organisation of parents whose child, of any age, including adult, has died from any cause. There is personal and group support, also a quarterly newsletter, postal library and a range of leaflets as shown here: https://www.tcf.org.uk/content/support-resources/

    The Compassionate Friends are a befriending organisation, but don't do counselling. For this, CRUSE Bereavement Care could be useful.

    If there is anything else I can help you with, please pm me. Okay? :)

    Hugs,

    - Mandy
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I am really sorry for your loss and that you are struggling so much Abi :(. I dont have much to say but wanted to say something. I hope youre doing a little bit better today. Were here listening - when you wanna speak. And youre not alone.
    You take care of yourself!
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 64 Boards Initiate
    Hi Abi,

    So sorry for your loss. It's okay to cry and binge eat sometimes, especially as your trying to deal with your emotions.

    It's understandable your struggling with this but you don't have to go through it alone, maybe you could speak to a friend of family member about how you're feeling, would that be an option?

    Also when we lose someone we often end up focusing on all the things we didn't do and could've done but what's more important is that we remember all the things we did do and celebrate those special moments.

    Always here to talk :)

    -Nish
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    i'm so sorry for your loss :( i dont think theres anything i can say to make things a bit easier, but i agree with the others, youre not alone,always here if you need to chat :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Carer/musician Posts: 819 Part of The Mix Family
    @Floxy[/USER], [USER="96903"]Shaunie[/USER] [USER="102505"]nish215[/USER] [USER="78326"]BubblesGoesBoo Thank you for all the support. Like i mentioned yesterday was the funeral although i was unable to make it i do something called Minute silences in honour of that person so i did about 5 minutes in the end.

    To be honest i don't blame some of you for saying i don't know what to say as there isn't much to say. I am know just having to find my feet for the next few weeks then move on and keep focusing on small things like holidays and birthdays and not dowel on the negatives as much.
    It's understandable your struggling with this but you don't have to go through it alone, maybe you could speak to a friend of family member about how you're feeling, would that be an option?

    In answer to your question @nish215. This isn't an option at the present time as everyone is still finding there feet over what has happened and i fully understand.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Heya @Abigail

    How are you doing now?
    Hope youre taking good care of yourself too
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Carer/musician Posts: 819 Part of The Mix Family
    Shaunie wrote: »
    Heya [USER="96922"]Abigail[/USER]

    How are you doing now?
    Hope youre taking good care of yourself too

    Hey shaunie

    I am doing a bit better i am back on track with my ed now so that's good thing. I am promise.

    Around if you ever need to let of some stream shaunie.

    Speak soon

    Abi
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