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Help me to help my friend (Self-harm)

LanceWellmanLanceWellman Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
in Health & Wellbeing
Hello,
​So my best-friend self-harms. I'm not exactly empathic to her situation, she's doing to herself and that's just silly. I know that's a bad thing to say or think. She's getting help from the thing, I don't know what it's called but yeah, but I'm extremely awkward when she tells me about her meetings with them. I'm generally pretty awkward. I'm not exactly mentally stable at the time of writing this, with gender dysphoria, atelophobia and socail anxiety, her selfharm has actually triggered some "Snaps" as my mum calls them. I don't know what to do as I don't want to fawn around her all the time yet I still want to help her. If you have anything that could hep me come to terms and help my friend I would be very grateful.

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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hi @LanceWellman and welcome to the boards. Glad you reached out about your friend to understand what she's going through, that has clearly come from a caring place. There's a great article on supporting someone who self harms here: http://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/self-harm/supporting-someone-who-self-harms-5690.html

    I know from personal experience how difficult it is to come to terms with why someone close to you would harm themselves, especially while going through your own difficulties. But my advice would be to stay calm and stay kind. Although it may seem like a silly thing to do (and she may agree it's silly), remember that this is an outward sign of serious inner turmoil. Treat her as you would any other friend that you care about, but it helps just to ask how she's feeling/or if she wants to talk about anything every now and then.

    It sounds like she may be getting help from a counsellor? If that's the case, then seems she has sought help and is trying to move forward. You mentioned you yourself are struggling and her actions are triggering you - do you want to talk about that a little more? Do you speak to anyone about it?

    - Lucy :rainbow:
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    LanceWellmanLanceWellman Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
    @Lucy307 Thank you for sending the link.
    Yes, I have talked to someone about it and I have sent an email the school counsellor, who is helping me out. Thank you again
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    Heya

    I think sometimes it is hard for something to understand why someone would inflict pain onto them selves and harm themselves. But maybe you could think of the reasons in what she could be gaining from it? Like there could be a few reasons - like she wants to feel something different to what she is feeling emtionally, is some release, feels she deserves it or does it cause feeling become unbareable.

    Think the way to help someone is just by telling them youre there for them and maybe encorage her to self care aswell. And also remember to look after yourself and that you always have to put yourself first. I am glad youre getting some support with this

    All the best
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    heey :)

    i agree with shaunie, it can hard to understand why someone would hurt themselves like that, but it's good you want to try and be there for her, but it's important to look after yourself aswell!

    could you try arrange a movie night? or go out with coffee just to distract her for a bit? it could be good for the both of you :)
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
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    PuffinEthicsPuffinEthics Posts: 74 Budding Regular
    Hi @LanceWellman,

    @Lucy307 gave some great advice up there, and its great you put it to good use.

    It's really positive that your friend feels she can share this with you, but it's not an easy thing for you to deal with. At any age or at any time in life that is a hard thing to take on board from your friend. It could make a lot of people feel awkward really, is it that you are not sure what to respond when she speaks about it?

    I'm sorry that its triggering for you, thats not easy, but it seems like you've taken some good steps on Lucy's advice to seeking support for yourself.

    How is that going?

    It could be good to discuss how you feel a little with your friend, but like @BubblesGoesBoo says it might just be a good idea to just do something nice together.

    Let us know if you need anything else.

    Thanks,

    Puffin Ethics :rainbow2:

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    LanceWellmanLanceWellman Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
    @Shaunie ​
    Thank you for replying, it means a lot



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    LanceWellmanLanceWellman Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
    @BubblesGoesBoo
    ​Thank you, for replying.
    ​Me and my friend are back to normal, normal being arguing over random things and discussing random things. We are actually planning a shopping trip, so that'll be fun!
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    LanceWellmanLanceWellman Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
    @PuffinEthics
    ​Yeah, I just don't know how to act. Like i don't know whether to comfort her or what. If she came to me with anything else I'd be able to understand, but I can't say anything because I've never felt that way. The saddest thing about this is that she influenced another girl to do it. It became a trend among girls.
    ​The school consellours have talked to me and have given me the re-assurance about this and some other things.
    Thank you.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    Sometimes theres nothing to say & even sitting in silence but with your present and them knowing youre there in times of their distress can actually mean a lot more than words, sometimes & is comforting.

    I do hope some people dont see self harm as a ‘trend’. As i dont think there is anything trendy about it and can be symptom of serious mental health issues
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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