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Sex Addict

AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 Posts: 132 Two little ducks
I feel I am addicted to sex. I feel that I need it to make me feel that little bit special and noticed. I'm so confused.

Comments

  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    Hello Angel :)

    First, go and see your doctor! GPs are well informed, knowledgeable and have helped people of all ages and social backgrounds and you would benefit greatly. I wish, however, I had done this first when aged between 12 and 15 when my hormones raged like a cauldron of fire, and getting pregnant so terribly young. But then I read a brilliantly helpful book: Russell Brand's Recovery: Freedom From Our Addictions.

    Russell's book was beautiful and turned my life right around from the many difficulties I faced up to recently. There is something about this book that allows us to find the strength to overcome almost any kind of addiction and improve our quality of life. You can buy it either as a book or audio download, even an e-book downloaded to your phone or device. It's worth every cent, and made me laugh.

    But a doctor's advice can't be beat.

    All the best,

    ~ Belle

    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • Lucy307Lucy307 Extreme Poster UKPosts: 612 Extreme Poster
    Hey @AngellsMe21,

    Sorry to hear you are confused right now. Do you want to talk any more about how you're feeling and what's been going on to make you feel that way?

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 Posts: 132 Two little ducks
    Lucy307 wrote: »
    Hey @AngellsMe21,

    Sorry to hear you are confused right now. Do you want to talk any more about how you're feeling and what's been going on to make you feel that way?

    - Lucy

    Thank you Lucy.

    Having sex makes me feel a particular way, just as I do understand it makes many of us. It makes me feel special, and noticed (when otherwise I just feel ignored and invisible)It's harder as I feel it goes against my own values though. I don't want to be this kind of a person and this behaviour is not something expected from/of somebody like me either.

    I had sex with a friend in a hotel room yesterday (there was an issue here too as I'd paid for it but it was in his name and address. Website crashed twice when booking so I was charged triple the price. Expectedly, this has brought up even more stress and anxiety for me, in terms of money. Anyway). Something happened during this time though...After a few times of him coming in and out of me (apologies for that detail), I noticed some blood and a fairly big clot come out. He'd cum all over my stomache, which is how I'd noticed that. And it's not that time of the month for me either so now I'm worried about that too.
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 Posts: 132 Two little ducks
    Mirabelle wrote: »
    Hello Angel :)

    First, go and see your doctor! GPs are well informed, knowledgeable and have helped people of all ages and social backgrounds and you would benefit greatly. I wish, however, I had done this first when aged between 12 and 15 when my hormones raged like a cauldron of fire, and getting pregnant so terribly young. But then I read a brilliantly helpful book: Russell Brand's Recovery: Freedom From Our Addictions.

    Russell's book was beautiful and turned my life right around from the many difficulties I faced up to recently. There is something about this book that allows us to find the strength to overcome almost any kind of addiction and improve our quality of life. You can buy it either as a book or audio download, even an e-book downloaded to your phone or device. It's worth every cent, and made me laugh.

    But a doctor's advice can't be beat.

    All the best,

    ~ Belle

    Hiya,

    A long time since we last spoke here on the forums, how are you?

    Thank you for responding.

    I'm sorry to hear about a couple of the experiences you have been through, but at the same time, I am glad you found a resource which has been of help to you, that's great. It sounds like an interesting, and very positive/uplifting book, so I may look into getting a copy to read for myself. I have a lot of addictions/habits/behaviours which need to go completely, or at least be minimised, in order for me to have that better quality of life. It's more difficult when particular things have been used for years, as a way of coping and dealing with things.
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    Hi Angel :)

    Lately I've not been well. I have juvenile idiopathic arthritis (JIA) and had it since I was about 13 when it flared up. Over the last few years it's come and gone, but never completely left since I moved to live in England - where it's much damper, and that hasn't helped one bit. :( A recent course of oral steroids caused a severe reaction making me very sick and now I've had to return to England to get textbooks and music equipment I'd forgotten in our rush to return to Alcúdia and Palma. At the end of the month we begin touring again, so I have to be fitter. I've had to cancel a concert in Madeira on 5 May because of it. I'm not a happy piggy.

    Russell Brand's book has been excellent though he does overuse the word 'fuck', which IMO isn't necessary, but swearing is all part of what he is. Russell is candid and I like his view on life and our various behaviours, social or private and believe that book could be very helpful to you. Otherwise what I forgot to suggest in my previous post is you buy a 'rabbit' type vibrator. It would help deal with your urges. Personally I find mine to be excellent. I really believe it would help you. Just make sure you have sufficient batteries because they are power hungry. Vibrators can sometimes be bought as 'sold beneath the counter' in those 24/7 corner shops, sold as disposable pack of 3. Which I found most convenient when younger.

    ETA. What you may label as 'addiction' to sex might really only be a big hormonal surge. Again, ask your doctor for advice on this.
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • Candlestick56Candlestick56 Posts: 90 Miniposter
    Hi AngellsMe21

    Feeling you need sex to make you feel special and noticed is really normal. Sex is designed to make us feel good, desired and emotionally closer to people! But if you're feeling like it goes against your own values it can feel really difficult and confusing. The problem is that even though enjoying sex is perfectly healthy, society sometimes makes us feel that it is somehow not acceptable (particularly if you are a woman, or in certain cultures), which makes it feel like something of a taboo when it shouldn't be. I have struggled with the same conflicting feelings about sex myself in the past so I know what it feels like and how confusing it can be. While you can't change what others think, it's good to try to be less critical of yourself for feeling like that. Try to take the pressure off yourself and allow yourself to be someone who enjoys sex.

    On the other hand, if yyou really do feel like it's become something that's taking over your life or you're finding it hard to feel special and noticed for anything else, I would say it might be worth trying taking a break from it and seeing if you can get that feeling in other ways.

    In regards to the blood clot, this could be due to a number of things - some contraceptives can make period blood thicker and come out in clots, and sometimes it doesn't even come out when you're on your period, so if you take the contraceptive pill or another contraceptive with a high dose of the progesterone hormone, it could be that. As Mirabelle suggests, the best thing to do would be to go to your GP though if you're concerned, or to a local sexual health clinic, if you want to keep it confidential.

    Hope that helps!
    -Lizzie
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 Posts: 132 Two little ducks
    Mirabelle wrote: »
    Hi Angel :)

    Lately I've not been well. I have juvenile idiopathic arthritis (JIA) and had it since I was about 13 when it flared up. Over the last few years it's come and gone, but never completely left since I moved to live in England - where it's much damper, and that hasn't helped one bit. :( A recent course of oral steroids caused a severe reaction making me very sick and now I've had to return to England to get textbooks and music equipment I'd forgotten in our rush to return to Alcúdia and Palma. At the end of the month we begin touring again, so I have to be fitter. I've had to cancel a concert in Madeira on 5 May because of it. I'm not a happy piggy.

    Russell Brand's book has been excellent though he does overuse the word 'fuck', which IMO isn't necessary, but swearing is all part of what he is. Russell is candid and I like his view on life and our various behaviours, social or private and believe that book could be very helpful to you. Otherwise what I forgot to suggest in my previous post is you buy a 'rabbit' type vibrator. It would help deal with your urges. Personally I find mine to be excellent. I really believe it would help you. Just make sure you have sufficient batteries because they are power hungry. Vibrators can sometimes be bought as 'sold beneath the counter' in those 24/7 corner shops, sold as disposable pack of 3. Which I found most convenient when younger.

    ETA. What you may label as 'addiction' to sex might really only be a big hormonal surge. Again, ask your doctor for advice on this.

    Hiya,
    Aw no, that's not good. I'm sorry you've been feeling unwell lately. How are you now, better? It's not easy when we have to cancel or rearrange things that we love but sometimes, we have to put our health first.

    That book of Russell Brand's does sound like both a fascinating and interesting one, swearing actually helps with expression at times, although I appreciate that not everyone likes or agrees with that.

    I've never tried any kind of a vibrator, I tend to try to deal with the urge through masturbation (although I'm not proud of this either). What are vibrators like?
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster

    Hiya,
    Aw no, that's not good. I'm sorry you've been feeling unwell lately. How are you now, better? It's not easy when we have to cancel or rearrange things that we love but sometimes, we have to put our health first.

    That book of Russell Brand's does sound like both a fascinating and interesting one, swearing actually helps with expression at times, although I appreciate that not everyone likes or agrees with that.

    I've never tried any kind of a vibrator, I tend to try to deal with the urge through masturbation (although I'm not proud of this either). What are vibrators like?

    Hey - good to hear from you again! I'm much better since the weather has become like summertime: no aches, pains and certainly no more reaction to those beastly steroids! Presently, Mandy and I are in Monaco for a performance tonight. Last night we took a train from Paddington. It was a lovely overnight journey which we woke to a lovely breakfast in bed.

    Without going into much detail here because I prefer keeping evrything PG on the boards, a vibrator will give a very big and very satisfying orgasm! :d

    The problem with masturbation is that some of us are governed by religious beliefs, our faith (if any) and social background. Except we are only human and have desires and urges that are completely natural, so try not to feel dreadfully guilty for masturbating. One way of reducing our libido is taking exercise, or even having a cool shower. See if that helps.

    What Candlestick56 shared was excellent by the way, so consider her advice and shortly what I will do is pm you some info on vibrators (price, types) to help your understanding of them. :)

    Wishing you all the best,

    ~ Belle
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 Posts: 132 Two little ducks
    Hi again Belle,

    Ah good, it sounds like you are continuing to do well and are having a lovely weekend. I hope the performance is going well/goes well tonight. Do let us know :)

    It's fine about preferring not to go into so much detail about it here and I understand that (Thanks for the PM about it instead)

    In a way, I feel this behaviour is a coping mechanism one more than anything else.
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 Posts: 132 Two little ducks
    Hi AngellsMe21

    Feeling you need sex to make you feel special and noticed is really normal. Sex is designed to make us feel good, desired and emotionally closer to people! But if you're feeling like it goes against your own values it can feel really difficult and confusing. The problem is that even though enjoying sex is perfectly healthy, society sometimes makes us feel that it is somehow not acceptable (particularly if you are a woman, or in certain cultures), which makes it feel like something of a taboo when it shouldn't be. I have struggled with the same conflicting feelings about sex myself in the past so I know what it feels like and how confusing it can be. While you can't change what others think, it's good to try to be less critical of yourself for feeling like that. Try to take the pressure off yourself and allow yourself to be someone who enjoys sex.

    On the other hand, if yyou really do feel like it's become something that's taking over your life or you're finding it hard to feel special and noticed for anything else, I would say it might be worth trying taking a break from it and seeing if you can get that feeling in other ways.

    In regards to the blood clot, this could be due to a number of things - some contraceptives can make period blood thicker and come out in clots, and sometimes it doesn't even come out when you're on your period, so if you take the contraceptive pill or another contraceptive with a high dose of the progesterone hormone, it could be that. As Mirabelle suggests, the best thing to do would be to go to your GP though if you're concerned, or to a local sexual health clinic, if you want to keep it confidential.

    Hope that helps!
    -Lizzie

    Hi Lizzie,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me here, that means a lot to me.

    It's reassuring to read that you say it's "really normal" but I do find it hard to believe myself as I very rarely come across or hear things like this. Sex doesn't make me feel good physically (and quite often causes me physical pains) but the emotional positives of it afterwards make me feel the need to have and do it more. I feel special, noticed, cared about and not visible-for a start. It does go completely against my own values so that is hard to deal with in itself as well, let alone all of the other conflicting and confusing thoughts and feelings over it.

    I am not on any kind of contraceptives so that is not the cause of the blood clots. I even had a fairly big clot come out of me when my friend "pulled out" of me and Id only realised when he had said to me "Your on your time of the month" but it wasn't, and still isn't my period at all. I've no idea what it could be, it's worrying really.
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 6,127 The Mix Elder
    Hey.
    This sounds like it could be frustrating. Is there any other times in which you feel noticed and special apart from durning sex?
    Is it just a recent thing or been awhile? Sometimes can just want sex all the time but can be only for a short period of time. Have you been this addicted to sex before ?

    You said it could be a coping mechanism. Maybe is just a matter of finding other ways to cope? But a trip to your doctors may not do any harm and may be helpful if feel is affecting you badly and daily

    Sorry if not helpful
    All the best
    I've learnt two people can look at the exact same thing and see something completly different. 
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 Posts: 132 Two little ducks
    Hiya Shaunie,

    Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it. Lovely to hear from you again too, how are you?

    I hardly ever feel noticed or special and, instead, I feel invisible, alone and ignored most of the time. Sex gives me a satisfying emotional connection, even if I don't quite feel any emotion towards the person it's with at the time either, if that makes sense :s

    This has been happening, quite a lot, since February time. It's not happened before.

    I have a feeling that I do use it is a coping mechanism for things I'm going through/trying to deal with. This actually came from having to try/find alternative coping mechanisms beforehand.

    I've been experiencing clots and physical pains because of sexual experiences though, and because of this, I've become worried about what it is :s
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 6,127 The Mix Elder
    Heya angel!
    I’m not great but thanks for asking!

    That’s makes sense. It can make someone feel special. But sound lonely? Do you have friends you could meet up with or maybe meet up with these people/person and do something other than sex and maybe you’d feel special just from the fact someone wants to spend time with you?

    Have you got anyone else you could speak with this about like therapist counsellor ect or parent, friend or someone. Worrying to have blood clots. That doesn’t sound normal. Have you asked your doctor?
    I've learnt two people can look at the exact same thing and see something completly different. 
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