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Fed up & confused, - not trying hard enough or trying to hard ???

SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
in Health & Wellbeing
Im so confused if i just sit in self pitty, playing victim to depression and dont try hard enough to feel better or what. Like health professionals tell me "you dont try hard enough" but somedays i feel so depressed & unable to get out of bed and feels so disabling. But cause somedays i do stay in bed they say i dont try hard enough & cause im not doing that much with my life i am not trying hard enough and basically say should expect to feel depressed & basically my own fault. But everything feels so pointless & empty.

For then health professionals to tell me later on i am trying to hard - which is why i feel so depressed and need to let the feelings pass and accept them, instead of trying to not feel like that and more i try to fight it the more depressed ill feel. When i do not try i stay in bed and just allow myself to feel depressed but then thats not trying . Idek im making sense.

Then say they wont help me. I dont think i can find the inbetween without help. But i am still alive and to me that is 'trying' when i feel so so suicidal. But feel so fed up that i want to give up. They say only i can help myself..well then i do not see a way out cause i dont know how to live life and think some people are just not cut out for life.

Pretty stuck with what they say. Wtf am i suppose to do. Just not try at all & give up & die
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

Comments

  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,015 Supreme Poster
    Hey @Shaunie ,

    I really don't get health professionals sometimes, I have no experience with anything but helpful ones (and that was years ago) but I just don't get it.

    I don't know the psychology around this, but I just wanted to say that I picked up on the part of your post about you still being alive and that is you trying. Of course it is! And I'm proud of you for that!

    Remember - baby steps. You can't run before you can walk!
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you independent!💜
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi @Shaunie

    I haven't had the greatest relationship with my healthcare professionals in Majorca, and had to come off antidepressants because my parents saw the vicious side effects of the meds. I even walked out on my last therapist. She unearthed memories I was against recalling. On hearing my terrible distress, my partner Dixie marched in and took me away.

    I've never told anyone here of my past, but won't share details. Except I owe much my father for motivating me to exercise. Exercise releases feel good endorphins he said, so instead of severely grounding me that irate parents usually do to their boozing drug smoking potty-mouthed 13 year olds, he made me run up and down the stairs in our villa. 20 times. Having burnt the marijuana plants he discovered I was growing in our greenhouse and emptied my booze cupboard I'd snitched from his, next day he had me running up and the stairs - OMGZ 30 times! :crazyeyes When I swore at him, he turned off the air conditioning and forced me up and down those bloody stairs like a drill sergeant. He kept on and on and on at me til I was near-demented.

    Dad made me exercise for a whole month. Up and down, up and down those frickin' stairs. Grudgingly I admitted Dad's relentless exercise regime was actually doing me good. It certainly increased my cardio!! And still no antidepressants.

    Now, I'm not going to recommend you do that, but if you can motivate yourself. Go walking. Walking (and swimming) is the best exercise around and I guarantee from the first time you'll begin feeling better. I've read some of your sharings and in your last post, that you really want to help yourself. I think that's great and I'm proud of you! Great also because you genuinely are really trying even if it's little things. :)

    When I began feeling better - so my motivation increased.

    As Eleanor rightly said 'take baby steps', I suggest start exercising because it will help you far more than you realise. Fact is, you want to help yourself, yeah? Okay you may feel very rough at times, but I believe that nothing is impossible if we really want to help ourselves.

    The next year I met Dixie. Together with Dad she became my mentor. Gradually I began noticing a difference. Fact was, exercise was already making a big difference to my life. Five years later to this day, I can say from looking back, it was a struggle to beat my depression. But it wasn't impossible.

    Two years ago Dad deserted us. His marriage to Mum broke down. Where he is, we don't know. But I owe it to him for being tough on me. And it worked.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Hey princesa
    Thank you v much for sharing & help💜.im glad exercising helps you. I do exercise a bit but its mode to lose weight which probably takes the fun out of it so will try and do it to feel better
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shaunie wrote: »
    Hey princesa
    Thank you v much for sharing & help💜.im glad exercising helps you. I do exercise a bit but its mode to lose weight which probably takes the fun out of it so will try and do it to feel better

    Hi Shaunie

    I've been looking into Isometric exercises for Mum. Because of her condition. Wanting to make exercises less mundane for her, and possibly for you, I poked around on google and found this helpful site called Active:

    https://www.active.com/fitness/articles/7-isometric-exercises-for-a-full-body-workout?page=1 It describes isometric exercise very well using helpful visual detail in addition to informative text.

    This mode of exercise looks interesting. Mum has a phone and I've a Kindle, so downloading this reduced price ebook to £2.37 looks like a bargain.

    https://www.amazon.co.uk/Isometric-Exercise-Bible-Everyone-building-ebook/dp/B00B3EJ6ZC/ref=sr_1_1_twi_kin_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1512746273&sr=1-1&keywords=isometric+exercise

    So that's another option. :)

    This weekend I'm going home to Majorca, but I look forward to hearing back from you sometime.

    Have a nice weekend yourself, too. :)

    Julie
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