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Anorexia& attention seeking

SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
in Health & Wellbeing
Heey. Im just wondering if anyone has any views on this.

I was neglected so my therapist used to say maybe i choose anorexia for attention but who is gunna "choose" an illness thats just fucked up. I had CAT therapy which looks at relaationships and he mainly looked at my family life and came to that conclusion.

I do nothing out of the ordinary that shows i want attention. I do so so much to hide my ED and i keep myself to myself most of the time. And i HATE it when someome notics. And he would also know how much i hated it and know how shy i am but still say it. So i domt get it. He would tell me losing weight dramaticly seems like the only way to get attention, to be noticed and cared for, for myself. But no i hate it all and i want to die. But then i do question it.

I am not even making out that wanting attention is a bad thing. Of corse i love attention, like who wants to be completly ignored, right. But i didnt like how my feelings was minised and made me feel like i have no this control and could stop any day when i cant???

My therapy finished months ago but i cant stop thinking - 'fml im just an attention seeker and deserve to die' to thinking - 'im not an attention seeker and i will never have cntrol over thid and is ruining my whole life and still want to die'.

I just dk anymore. Im just confused. Like maybe he was saying it is how it started and now i cant stop. But i cant even remember how it started. I think it is more to do with the lack of control i had as kid growing up so liked seeing control in my weight loss and got obsessive & addictive so i still do it. Not that im trying to make up for the care i never got.

Is it wrong for my therpist to of said that stuff ? To me it sounds mostly wrong and would of stopped me getting help if i knew thats how people got treated. But idk if i just viewing it all wrong
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

Comments

  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,051 Supreme Poster
    Hi @Shaunie ,

    I agree with you. Illness isn't a choice. There are so many ways in which a person could get attention without having to go through such a hard time.

    I hope you're doing ok,

    - Eleanor
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    independent_ wrote: »
    Hi [USER="96903"]Shaunie[/USER] ,

    I agree with you. Illness isn't a choice. There are so many ways in which a person could get attention without having to go through such a hard time.

    I hope you're doing ok,

    - Eleanor

    Exaclty what ive been thinking
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I watched the doctumenary on anorexia the other day and if i can remember right but someone was like that having anorexia is like not wanting to grow up, and she wanted to be cared for like she was when younger and someone to tell her to "eat", or something but they didnt say seeking attention. And like she knew what she meant and surely if i was doing the same sorta thing i would know. Idk

    And i just read stuff that i can cant find now-.-on something like ---when some people are sick/ill, they want empathy from someoen which isnt attention seeking behaviour, it is cause someone has lack on self worth and self esteem, that they need someone to feel like they care.--- but to me that sounds a lil like seeking attention Idk is all a lil confusing to me

    Although it sorta makes sense i just dont think its what happened with me. And surely if it was relatable for me than therapy would of worked & i wouldnt still be struggling with anorexia? And for him to of said "choose" is completly the wrong word and if it was like that, it would probably be seen as a way of coping not a chioce.

    Anyway think my head is a bit more clearer writing it out, instead of just thinking about it. But idk always feel like im not making sense and seeing it all wrong
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Newbie Deactivated Posts: 4 Newbie
    Shaunie,

    You have been really brave to open up about your thoughts and sharing your story with us. It seems very frustrating to have your therapist say you seek attention when that is not how you feel. This seems like a tough time for you. There are some organisations that specialise in eating disorders and providing support if you are feeling confused or lost.

    Here are a couple organisations that you could look at:

    B-Eat is an organisation that provides information, help, and support for people affected by eating disorders. Their website is: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk. They have a youth helpline that you can contact at 0808 801 0711.

    Supportline offers free emotional support. You can call them on 01708 765200 or visit their website at http://www.supportline.org.uk.

    Samaritans is a confidential service that will listen to you and support you with anything. Their number is 116 123 or you can visit their website at https://www.samaritans.org.

    You’ve done a great thing by opening up and trying to get some support. I hope these organisations are helpful to you. Do you think you would get in touch with them?
    -Allyson
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 22 Boards Initiate
    Heya @Shaunie

    It's hard hearing stern words from a therapist, but there are some things to keep in mind. Therapists aren't always right, often they are just trying to discuss possible connections to particular emotional states. Don't fixate on what your therapist has said in the past to you, you know yourself more than anyone.

    f course you haven't chosen anorexia, its a massively complicated mental health issue which doesn't have simple causation, and no one would ever wish it upon themselves or anyone they know.

    One promising thing is the recent shifts in thinking towards mental health issues. More and more people are treating mental health issues, such as anorexia/anxiety etc, like a disability. This is a shift for the better; mental health issues are NOT a choice, and should never be discussed like they are. It is not your fault you suffer from anorexia, please never think it is, despite what your therapist says.


    <3 There is a massive community of people out there who are going through similar things, never feel alone.

    <3 Never ever blame yourself for what you're going through, that would be like someone suffering from anxiety saying 'it's my fault I am like this', or someone with a hearing impairment thinking 'I have done this to myself'. A disability is never chosen.

    <3 Seek help. One amazing thing about mental health is the ability to get better. You can learn coping mechanisms and behavioural techniques to better your situation. I know that as a sufferer of anxiety- so many things have made me be able to cope with the condition and feel 'normal', as it were. I would never say I am 'cured', but things are 100% better than they were.

    Good luck in the future Shaunie, I am sure you will find a way through this and come out feeling much better, you certainly deserve to.

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you Allyson & Dusty
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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