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I'm sick of this

SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
in Health & Wellbeing
I'm fed up of living.

I see no reason to wake up. I see no motive. No point in anything. I have no appetite and lose all motiviation. I just feel like im harming myself by forcful putting food down my throat when I dont want it. Havent been to college for weeks. I had hope when i would force myself out of bed but still enjoy the day. Force myself out of bed today, haven't enjoyed it one bit. I'm to lazy for life.

I saw hope when I actively sought help and turned up to my appioments. I've cancelled one today. What's the point. I feel officaly at thr end of the road. And this is it. If i cant help myself then I'm getting no where. 1% knows things will get better if i try but I can't even be bothered. i think why will i put myself through extended years of suffering. I don't want to die, I just dont want to live my life. But i get extremly suicidal and unsafe at times. I can't wait for the day this all ends. Im so alone and sad.
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

Comments

  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,617 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Shaunie,

    It's good to see you posting for yourself, even if things are feeling so bleak. I think a lot of people can relate to that feeling of hopelessness; being stuck in a dark hole and just not knowing what the point is in even trying anymore. That said, I just wanted to highlight what you said here:
    Shaunie wrote:
    1% knows things will get better if i try but I can't even be bothered. i think why will i put myself through extended years of suffering. I don't want to die, I just dont want to live my life.

    ​I know I've just cherry-picked the 'positive' (if you can call it that) part of what you said, but that 1% of you is worth clinging to; that little flicker of hope in the back of your mind that knows the way you're feeling is temporary and won't last forever. I know this is easy for me to say now, but it really does show strength and determination, even if it's just an inkling. I'm not sure whether that helps to hear, though.

    I know this gets thrown around a lot but it's true - recovery is never a straightforward journey, and always involves setbacks, changes of course, etc. It's okay to not be moving very fast or to move backwards sometimes. Even the tiniest steps can mount up to a significant change - something like finding the energy to shower or eat something substantial every day. Take things at your own pace, and even things that don't seem like much are worth giving yourself credit for.

    How did you find the appointments you did go to, if you don't mind me asking? What kind of appointments are they?

    We're always here if you need us, so don't be alone. You got this. *hug*
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I have physical weekly health check ups and reviews with mental health professinals while waiting for therapy. Don't care about ny health.

    Normaly the sun makes me feel so much better but I feel so shitty. And making me feel worse I'm spending my days in bed not even wanting to even get changed.

    Can't be bothered. Sitting in bed feeling sorry for myself is getting me no where. Feel like I'm fighting with my own head with suicidal thoughts.

    Thank you mike.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Shaunie,

    I'm really sorry to hear how you're feeling. You are worth so much even if you don’t feel like it right now. Especially us and we really do appreciate you opening up to us. How are you doing now? for me to get a better insight would you like to tell us some more about the way you're feeling? Particularly with how your health check-ups and reviews are going?

    Have you tried talking about these feelings to anyone else? like a parent or one of your friends? It may be helpful to get some of the emotions you’re feeling about moving out in the open before you actually do so, that way it’s not bottled up.

    I hope this helps, All the best,

    P.S. Stay strong, keep your head up and stay positive and take advantage of this weather whilst the sun is out :p.
    Brynley@TheMix
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Hey brynley

    Thank you very much.

    I dont have anyone ro speak to about how i feel. Got no friends because it felt like to much effort and drama. Mental illness is a massive taboo in the house so can't say you feel sad without someone looking down at you.

    My health checks up say I have anemia/ iron definency. So that is probably why i lack more energy now then before. And feel so tired all the time and just cant be bothered to do anything. But the pills they give me make me sick.
    Mental health Reviews make no different and they are pointless. The waiting list will still stay the same length. Why do i need an hour appointment to tell me that . Just cant be bothered with anything.

    Only comfort I'm finding right now is one day it will all end
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Posts: 292 The Mix Regular
    Hey Shaunie,

    Hope you're feeling better today! Mental illnesses can really be a pain and just remember all the times when you have felt good! We know form other threads that there were times when you were doing well and that just goes to show that you have the capability to reach that stage again! Consider this just a little rocky patch on a path that you will get through!

    For the iron deficiency you can try to eat certain foods which contain iron to give you a bit more energy! Some of these foods are red meat for example and if you don't eat meat you can opt for vegetables like spinach, beans and fruits like apricots. Or the cereal special K contains loads of iron!

    Hope to hear from you soon!

    Drea:heart:
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you very much Drea < 3

    But this feels like it's lasting foreverrrrr and I can't see when I'll suddenly going to get happy.

    I can't pick myself back up :(:(:(:(:(:(:(

    I'm so sad and lonely. I don't know what to do anymore.

    I keep crying and doing nothing about it

    I keep staying in bed and doing nothing. My room is a mess like my life 🙃

    I can't enjoy anything. Nothing seems worth it.


    :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    Hey Shaunie, I'm sorry to hear you feel like these feelings will last forever. For many people going through a difficult time, it can often feel this way, so you're not alone in this feeling at all. With a bit of time, things will get better and this feeling won't last forever. You've mentioned that you feel you can't pick yourself back up, for some people doing more of what they love can really help during these difficult times. Is there anything that you enjoy doing that you'd like to do more of?

    I also wanted to link you to a support services called Papyrus - they can offer information and advice to young people who are worried about how they are feeling and they can offer you support, information and advice about how to get through these really difficult times. You can call them on 0800 068 41 41, text them at 07786 209697 and email them at pat@papyrus-uk.org. Do you feel you can reach out to them when you need to?

    Hope you're feeling a bit better today, we're here for you *hug*

    - Aife
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
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