Me, My Girlfriend, My Parents...and Uni

Former Member

Hey all,

Ive been having a problem recently and was wondering if you could offer me some advice.

My girlfriend and i, ok it may sound stupid to some people, decided we want to go to uni together - must to my parents disgust. We mutually agreed to find courses we wanted, and we did and we chose the 2 unis we wanted to go to, those being Plymouth and Central Lancs.

However my parents dont like the idea, and say that shes bullying me into going to her uni, instead of making my own choice, and im being dragged about like a dog on a leash, but this isnt true! <IMG SRC="mad.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

I want to be able to confront my parents and say leave out because its my decision what happens, altho i know they only want the best for me, but they keep going on at me about it like its completely forbidden <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

I want to be happy with my girlfriend, we say we love each other and that we never want to split up (ok so maybe loads of people have said that and its happened) but we'd just feel so happy together.

Any advice would great because im really stuck for ideas on this now.

Thanks

Rich

Former Member

Firstly, welcome to TheSite! <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
Aw you poor luv, this is a bit of a mess isn't it?
It sounds scary, but I think that the best thing to do is sit your parents down and say to them, Look, me and my girlfriend are really in love, she's NOT bullying me into anything, this is a decision we've both made.
If that fails you could take the plunge and- shock horror!- ask your girlfriend to talk to your parents. <IMG SRC="eek.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
Whatever you decide, hope it works out for you! <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

Parents find it hard to realise that you are grown up and can make your own decisions. They are probably just worried that you may be making a mistake- ie what if you broke up and you were stuck there? 3 years is a long time... Your uni choice *could* effect your whole life and maybe they are somewhat correct in being concerned.

How long have you been with your g/f?

I would say go for it, but be careful eg, live in separate halls, otherwise you will be living in each others pockets.

Good luck <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

(Wish my b/f could come to uni with me!)

Former Member

As a parent myself I think I can guess why your parents are so concerned. They are wondering what will happen if you and your girlfriend split up in a few months time. If you haven't asked yourself that, then do so, (and the answer is not that wont happen - what if it does is what I'm asking).

Now of course you and your girlfriend are in love and want to see each other. But, look around you. How many people of 25 are with the girl they were madly in love with at 17? It can happen, and statistically, is more likely to happen than not. Hopefully, you will be the exception, but what if you are not? Will it fuck up the education that is the foundation for the rest of your life?

Once you can answer that honestly, you are ready to talk with your parents again and answer their fears. Let them know that even if you split with this girl, you're still at a good Uni for your course, and won't have a problem seeing her around, even if she has another bloke with her, etc.

That is what I think they are really worried about, and too tactful to say outright. Show them that you are mature enough to face that life is harsh and shitty, and mature enough to handle it if things go wrong. They are then far more likely to accept your decisions. They really just don't want to see you hurt.

Former Member

Thanks for replying guys <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

I think im gonna try to talk to my parents, but it may have to involve me being tactful too as its not gonna be so easy talking to my parents, tho maybe its the same for all parents.

I saw my g/f tonight (We've been going out almost a yr in response to k-t's question), and i told her about how im feeling about this, we talk about everything together and shes my soul mate, and im hers and we both believe we can do this if we love each other that much.

I just hope it all manages to work out. Maybe its the feeling that im so content with what i have right now that i want nothing to change, tho i guess nothing last forever and ive just got to face what comes to me.

Thanks guys <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Rich

Former Member

Ho hum... have to say it bugs me when people say how difficult it is to keep a relationship when you go to uni...I have done it, and know several other people who also have. It's not easy, but if you both want to do it, it can be done.

Former Member

I knew some guy who chose his uni (Swansea) on account of his girlfriend going to Cardiff... They actually split up before they even got there tho; he dropped out, she's having a great time with a new boyfriend. Cautionary tale yes, before you shout at me, I am in fact friends with the girl...

Former Member

I had problems with my parents when deciding to come to uni. I'm a mature student - 25 and in my second year, now. Because I was leaving my permanent full time job to become a student was the main problem. i know this is slightly different to your situation but i want to share it anyway.

Well, my Mum, Dad and my 31 year old sister were dead against my decision. They told me how stupid I was, how I would hate it, how I would not make friends, how I would not be able to handle the work load...blah blah blah. All in all it was very upsetting but I was determined to go ahead with my decision and prove them wrong.

And making that very difficult decision has been the best thing I have probably ever done. I met my g'friend her and we've been together 17 months. fantastic.

so my advice to you is....hmmmmmmm

Its your life, your decision. I'm sure you have thought about all the pro's and cons carefully. Sit down with your parents and talk about the good points. Make them aware that you are a mature adult and that you have taken into consideration all that will or could happen. Talk about what you want in the future. They have to let go of you one day.

i'm sorry if this is a pile of waffle! <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

Thanks guys for all your help and advice.

I actually managed to talk to my dad about it and he understood. Maybe talking to him about it was the best thing to do after all.

Ive chosen my Firm choice Uni as Plymouth and my Gf is stuck between Plymouth and Central Lancashire, she wants to do Psychology. Thing is she doesnt know where she wants to go now, all ive told her is that whatever decision she makes will be the best one for her because right now the last thing shed need would be me being selfish saying yeh come with me to uni. The main thing would be to spend the last months that we have together having fun, we booked a holiday with some friends today so that should be cool. If she decides to go to the other Uni she promised that we'll stay good friends, after all, we wouldnt be ending on bad terms, merely ending because life has to go on and we have to go our separate ways knowing what we've done is for the best.

Thanks for your help and encouragement <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Richard