Stages

DistractionDistraction Posts: 165 The Mix convert
Just a small one,
On my thumb,
No one would notice,
Cos there quite dumb

Just a medium one,
On my palm,
No one would notice,
They don’t look that hard,

Just finished it off,
Make it a large,
As it creeps up my arm,
and goes right through my heart.

(self harming in stages of getting worse, needed to type something fast, it's getting really hard again today, I wonder if it ever ends)

Comments

  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 1,107 Fanatical Poster
    I wonder if it ever ends too. Thank you for sharing this one, it really speaks to me. I was thinking how to reply to it, so I wrote my own poem about my fight with my head.
    I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than you
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 1,107 Fanatical Poster
    A conversation with myself
    By me

    Slumped in this bed,
    Fighting the thoughts in this head.
    Close the curtains, dwell in the dark,
    You’ve already left your mark.

    “Oh, but why couldn’t you see?
    You could’t live without me!
    And every thing that makes you smile,
    Will set you back another mile.”

    No, none of it’s true;
    I’d be better off without you!
    I’ll take these tablets, make you go,
    You can’t bring me down so low.

    “You threaten me with pills
    When this is a battle of wills?
    Take your tablets, see if I care.
    They’ll do nothing against your nightmare!”

    Maybe, just maybe, these tablets won’t do,
    But either way, I’m through with you!
    All I want is to be happy, that’s all.
    I’ll throw away these chains and stand up tall.

    “You think you’re imprisoned in your own bed?
    It is I who’s imprisoned inside of your head!
    End your life, and you and I will be free.
    All of your problems will die with me.”

    I won’t die, you can’t kill me!
    But there’s nowhere to run, nowhere to flee…
    No! I won’t! I’ll live instead!
    You’ll be gone long before I’m dead!

    “I thought we understood each other,
    I thought of you like a brother.
    But I already killed you years ago,
    Left you lifeless in the snow.
    There’s no battle to fight, no war to win.
    I buried your soul, it’s my greatest sin.
    I’ve controlled this body all along,
    You think still there’s hope for you? You’re wrong.”

    I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than you
  • DistractionDistraction Posts: 165 The Mix convert
    That's just amazing, I love it, it's really what it's like, u say am a good writer but ur fantastic, really would love to see more of ur stuff if u fancy putting any more up :yuck: :d need to see it!!!

    I decided to go back to judo tonight, I've already tried to go back twice and each time I got closer to going into the class so hopefully third times a charm and it helps with the urges, have u got any plans tonight? (maybe writing more poetry ;) )
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 1,107 Fanatical Poster
    Thanks:d I'm literally blushing right now:blush:
    I'm might be good at it when I try, but that's the point, I can't be bothered most of the time haha

    Judo? I was thinking of maybe getting into a martial art, but something more practical like Krav Maga. Not classes like, I'd rather sit alone and read about it and do it by myself. Because I'm not a people person:no::blush:

    I got any plans tonight? Not really, and I think that's enough poetry for today :hyper:
    I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than you
  • DistractionDistraction Posts: 165 The Mix convert
    Well you certainly have a talent for it,

    I would so love to do Krav Maga, never seen it before but just looked it up there and it seems amazing, might have a look for some classes, I finally got back to judo third time lucky and I actually went through the doors (still feeling like I was having a heart attack tho). I know it is terrifying to do new things and people are just ewww to be around but you should try a class once or twice, it might not be as bad as you think.
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 1,107 Fanatical Poster
    Good for you getting back to Judo! I hate being in a room full of people too. I've just been to the post office, I nearly had a panic attack, I stuttered like hell at the counter and my voice broke. So that's nice. All for an envelope and some jelly beans.

    Krav Maga seems to be all about practical self defense and disarming people, which would actually be useful where I live where everyone seems to own a cartel 😂

    The closest classes to me are in Sheffield, which is miles away, and that means overcoming another fear- buses

    I'll either try it alone or not bother, or you could get classes and pass on your skills *wink* *wink*

    : )
    I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than you
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    Love both of these!
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 1,107 Fanatical Poster
    Lostsense wrote: »
    Love both of these!

    Thanks :)

    To rhyme
    Aint no crime
    Its fine
    When I have the time
    To write line after line
    Of the shit in my mind

    Just a quick one off top of my head right now haha :)
    I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than you
  • DistractionDistraction Posts: 165 The Mix convert
    lol, laughed so much at this, it's perfect
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