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Really struggling tonight (Trig Warning Harming)
Distraction
Posts: 494 Listening Ear
Am really sorry, I know I've already posted about this and am really sorry am still talking about it but I really need a hand tonight, it's getting to me so much, I tried a few links I was suggested before but everything is so triggering, this morning it was just a low nagging in my arm but now it's so strong and I don't know what to do, its screaming at me and I feel like I can't breath right, am a month or so clean and this is where it gets really hard, am listening to music, I went out, tried to socialise and be around people, I don't want to fall back but how are u meant to deal with this?
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I just forced my self to go to sleep after the post, cos I thought I can't do anything that way, it's every time I see my arms and theres marks on them, it makes me feel crazy not doing it. Thanks for the advice I use pintrest, that helps a bit, always get stuck on that lol,
thank you, it's a really steep hill and no doubt you'll know that to, it's nice to know am not alone in this. One day at a time eh.
True:
SUCCESS is not final, FAILURE is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts
Really pleased to hear you were able to work though the urges you were having. You should be really proud of yourself for reaching out for support here and committing to going sleep to stay safe. Really commendable! Also loved to hear you used Pinterest, I am an avid 'pinterester' and can definitely see how that would be a good distraction. Hope you're doing okay now. Would also be interested in knowing how you are getting on now?
- Mica
It's great to hear that you distract yourself, Distraction😉 that can be hard. And just shows how strong you're. Hope today is a bit easier for you.
I also struggle with self harm so I understand how difficult it can be when you have urges that you don't want to give in to. Sadly, recovery is never straight forward and we always have ups and downs and sometimes we will relapse. The important thing is to be kind to yourself and realise that it's ok to have set backs without beating yourself up again for it. You did the best thing really by distracting yourself and going to sleep to avoid the urges, incase you need some distraction ideas you can check out this link http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads/Distractions.pdf
Take things a day at a time and try to care for yourself x
Aidan - I do like that quote to, at the moment am actually alright, it's bearable during the day, just keeping pushing the thoughts back and keeping thinking that going downstairs with new things wouldn't be good, at night it's a bit harder cos I don't think about going downstairs, it seems like ages away, everything in fact seems so far away at night, can get through a day but a night is another story.
Mica - Pintrest is great isn't it, love it, just started a new board on industrial loft apartments (my dream home) it was great for ticking the time away, am ok today, got some plans, trying to start back judo, so nervous about going back, it's almost been a year since I last did, the coaches are really nice and I want to see them again but the warm ups makes me really worried, it's a bit daft considering we're all doing the same thing but it's the reason I stopped, might just go in late to start and then at least I gone back and can go on time next week lol
Shauni - Thank you that means a lot, it really does, aye going to sleep is a great diversion, who doesn't love sleep
Jellyelephant - (Love the name) It would be so much better if we could just control it and when we decide to stop, everything else stops to, it's a pain in the arse when the urges just pop up and sometimes it's just out of no where, you could be really happy and going along smoothly and then puff, they come back (well they never really go away). But that's my inner spoiled brat talking. Recover is certainly an up and down with crazy all around. But I understand what ur meaning, and the best we can do is just to go through it as gently as possible. Thank you a lot for the link, it has so many ideas will definitely use it often. I'll try to
Well done for posting on the boards and looking at the list of things hopefully this helped and ment you were able to get some sleep.
Do get back if you want to say anything else, how are you feeling now?
thanks for your reply, am good so far regarding urges, but because am not harming I feel like I can't concentrate on anything, like am not actually here, it's like nothings really real and everything is in slow motion,
I decided sports is a good way to bring me back, like swimming judo and an hours fitness class, it's not the same but it's something, and it's what I need to join the reserves, so it's a win, win
sport is a really good way to manage your feelings instead of self harming, swimming is a good one because you it helps you stay clean so you can wear a swimming costume.. also the excersize helps you to feel better mentally. You're doing really well managing your urges to self harm - keep going!
x
How are you feeling today? *hug*
I accidentally burnt my hand on the oven shelve, I was trying to get pizza out, I was using a tea towel and being really careful but after a few minutes I remember thinking I like the pain and liking that there was a mark there (sounds crazy) and thoughts ran through my head of trying different ways to harm that won't scar and could have an easy story if anyone asked and then more urges came back and now everything seems to be mushing up into one thing and I can't tell dreams from reality or if am seeing somethings that are't actually there, I don't think am doing to good to be honest. Harming gets me back on track and it's like am all over the place the now, I won't do it but it's like it's always an option sitting in the back of my mind. It's like the same thing sitting in the back of my mind if my life goes to sh*t, all the thoughts just go round and round with nothing mattering.
I need a kick back into reality it's all to much slow motion and numbness.
Just checking in to see if you're okay! You are doing SO SO well and you should be so proud of yourself not only for staying so strong but also for posting on here about your difficulties. Communication is always great with these sorts of problems because as you may have noticed, there are a lot of people on here who support you! Another point to mention is that it is okay to feel worse some days and it is completely normal. Don't feel bad if you have a slip up, because these things happen and don't let it discourage you from continuing to stay strong! Just keep going
Hope you're doing better today and hope that pizza tasted good
Look forward to hearing from you soon!
Drea
And she can't piss you off, oh, no because she's amazing and right all the time, even when u talk to her and she just dismiss you as if u aren't there, as if ur nothing but a f*cking shit bag, that's utter shit, you just have to sit there and hear the shit that comes out of ur bloody mouth. Geez I could scream, am so sick of it, am so bloody sick of this crap and always being worried if I piss her off to much she'll move or my dad and her will split up, I can't do this crazy stuff anymore, am going to end up exploding and shouting and swearing at her, god, I can't tell her anything about how angry I am and it's driving up the fucking wall, am tired of being a piece of shit that she dosen't want (I know that's not true) but a hug or her accepting my hugs would be nice, I know people care in different ways and find it hard to care but it's been years now,
She hugs her family, am not her family, I don't care if am not but it would be nice to be told to, she's said to me before, I've never made u feel like an outsider to this family, but she has so many times, some years ago she also told me I might as well go back to my mothers house (since my mother moved and we don't know where she stopped) she also says it's her house, that my bedroom is her room, I get that, it is her house, me and my dad were the ones to move in, but how can she expect it to be my home if she always said it's her house,
It kills me a little more, every time something like this happens and I can't take it, it's pushing me more and more to just wanting to get out of here.
Am already hurting to much. I can't take this fucked up situation anymore
haha, At times it feels like it, at the moment a lot of tears lol, haven't cried in awhile, maybe it's a good thing, am trying art, trying to draw something and writting and music!
Thank you *hug*. and thank u for the speedy response,
Don't be sorry, I like it that ur interested, I'll probably have some soon with a lot of swear words lol about a certain someone who I don't like at the moment, hint* hint* nudge nudge :chin: (dads girlfriend)
Need to stop this and calm down, it's probably not as bad as it seems
Am trying to put one together, just feeling really angry at the moment, Can't get the right starting point yet,
Hahaha, Thanks mate, am better, finally stopped the crying lark lol, but my dads back now so it's two against one (hint, his not on my side (never is)), got to love the fun times. It'll all be ok in a few days no doubt,
A poem isn't far away, it'll be up in no time
Tank u for caring, means a lot :d
If you want to share/ feel like talking am all ears
aye, haha, well I've been 'Scottish' for seven years now, moved up here when I was 12, use to be in England with my mother, still have an english accent, hate it :grump:, Before that I was in Northern Ireland for a little bit. Wish I kept the Irish accent, that would have been great to have :yuck:
Love mrs browns boys, absolutely amazing, aye, Yorkshire is a funny one, independent
My head is spinning so fast and am falling apart all over again tonight, I'll be fine tomorrow, but I don't how to get there