Why is everyone coping better than me???

One-in-a-million

I suppose this can go here under family/relationships.

So my nan passed away over the weekend. At first it was just the shock of "Oh" and I was very upset just kinda got on with that day. Sunday I felt more upset and cried a few times. Last night I absolutely bawled my eyes out and right now I feel that I need to do the same.

But everyone else seems to be doing just fine. Obviously they are upset even if they aren't showing it. But same as my mum she seems absolutely fine but she only had to mention seeing into the funeral and I was off again.

Everyone else seems to be taking it so well and I don't get how???
I'll be fine one second and then I'm not the next. I know they more than likely have but right now it's like I'm the only one who's cried, although I know the others probably have at some point too.

I also don't know if I should go to the chapel of rest or not. I know I'll cry if and when I go which is kinda why I want to go by myself. Be with my nan and just let it out but people have told me that they don't recommend going alone.

I feel like one minute I'm fine and can talk about it no problem, laugh and joke. But the next I'm absolutely heart broken

(I know my family will be grieving but why do they seem to be coping better than me)

Former Member

I doubt that they're coping much better-

I mean there's silently grieving for one thing but mostly, i'd bet that they definitely have cried about it, a lot, just away from you/other people.

When my granddad passed, i wasn't very close to him (spent less than 20 hours around him in my entire life) so i didn't grieve...but i know my mom did - and while she only cried once around me when the news initially came, i know that she cried at work and she cried when she met up with her siblings away from me too, and at his funeral, and whenever she had the house to herself...

One-in-a-million

I suppose you're right they probably aren't doing much better than me too be honest. I suppose because they seem to be dealing with all the other stuff that has to be sorted and they haven't actually cried in front of me it just seems like they are coping better. I know that they are grieving too just probably when I'm not there.

It's all still quite new right now and tbh I feel that mixed up I don't actually know what I think or feel

Former Member

-hugs- It's alright, the worst feelings from it will pass in time and we're here for you while you work through it!

Former Member

Was she the first person who was close to you whom has died?

One-in-a-million

Thank you Azatgkelara means alot
Yeah this is the first time I've lost someone so close to me. I lost my grate nan and grandad when I was younger. Bit that's just it, I was younger and didn't really understand

Former Member

Perhaps all the other people who knew her have experienced bereavement before, so it's easier for them than it is for you?

One-in-a-million

I'm not sure mum was talking to me tonight and said she has had her moments too. But she's been the one sorting everything out so she needs to be strong.

We started talking about nan for a bit and it has helped a little

Former Member

Hey OIAM,

In my experience, everyone handles grief differently. I distinctly remember one day my mum was driving down the road and all of a sudden she started crying so hard she had to pull over. She was crying over the passing of her father, who had passed a few weeks before, and until that moment it seemed like it hadn't affected her at all. I don't even think she cried at his funeral. Watching her finally cry really opened my eyes to how different people cope, and how strong people can appear to be (especially parents who have to handle the details and dont want to worry their children by crying in front of them), even if they're really hurting inside. Like you said, it's likely that your mother is grieving in her own way away from you and that's why it makes you feel like you're not coping as well as everyone else. And, while I know it's easier to say than to do, maybe try to remember that you're allowed to feel however you feel and there's no need to judge yourself on how you're coping.
I'm so glad to hear talking about your nan was helpful, I hope today is a good day for you. hugs.

- Mica

Former Member

Some people like to put on a brave face in front of their families/friends. Some like to keep busy as a way of distracting themselves from their grief.

One-in-a-million

Hi guys I suppose you're right that everyone grieves in their own ways. I know I haven't really replied on here for a week. That's because up until this tonight I've been fine, well as fine as I can be. I've been able to talk about it without getting upset and everything but tonight it's just struck me again. I've been fine all day. I read some of my book n stuff and had a pretty much normal night. I then lay down to go bed and boom I'm here again. No warning or anything just closed my eye and was in tears. It's nans funeral on Monday and I'm not looking forward to it at all. Just knowing I'll never see,hear or hug her again just.........

Sorry guys just needed someone to talk to, to get this of my chest so I can rest tonight.

Former Member

Was she a massive part of your life? Did you see her very frequently? Did she give you lots of good advice?

One-in-a-million

Hi Rob I was very close to her. I visited her and my grandad every week. I didn't and still don't speak about my problems much where my family is concerned. But we always had a good chat and a gossip.