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Yeah, thanks.
Hi Cat88, thanks for your concern.
I'm doing as well as can be expected. I got the usual gut-punch when I woke up this morning and realised again that I am no longer with Emma. I've been to work today, so have naturally been thinking about her the whole time. There's something of an acceptance now about my mood having found out where I stand with her. I am still devastated, obviously, but I know that I just have to keep my head up and move forward, which I have spent the morning telling myself.
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do though. I've never loved anyone the way I loved Emma (and still do) and it's hard right now to imagine ever feeling the same about anybody else. It's heartbreaking that two people, neither of whom wanted this relationship to end and still love each other, regardless of how cold and defensive she was yesterday, have had to submit to circumstance. This all could have been avoided if she had just chosen a slightly different path and we would still be happy today. I understand why she has done this though and don't hold it against her. She did it because she loves me but cannot see me as a boyfriend anymore because she is emotionally and physically incapable of giving me 100% of her love. I respect her for that, in a bittersweet sort of way. But I would wind the clock back and save us if I had the chance. I can't get over how vacant and stony she seemed yesterday though. I think this was just a coping mechanism, her way of staying emotionally detached from me to avoid further heartbreak. I hope she doesn't forget me. I sure won't forget her.
This can be a pretty hard time for you especially since you still love Emma, but just know that your wellbeing is just as important and you deserve to be happy too. It may seem for now like you're not going to get happier (believe me i've been there), but many people go through this and you're definitely not alone! Do what makes you happy! Go out with friends, maybe exercise and try to make the most of life
Look forward to hearing from you,
Drea
Thanks Drea
Yes, I still love Emma and I probably will never stop loving her. The same goes for her I would hope. I'm sure her coldness towards me the other day was just a safeguard against getting emotional towards me again. I do still have a hope that she will come back to me on the backburner, but I'm just trying to move on at this point. It does feel like I'll never get out of this emotional rut but deep down I know I will, even if it takes me another month. I've been spending a lot of time with my friends recently and I have work experience this week (today was my first day) which is keeping me occupied to an extent. I still can't stop thinking about her though, and I keep imagining her messaging me asking for me to take her back.
I'm still relatively mopey, which is annoying for me when I'm around new people who don't know why I'm miserable. It makes me look bad. Fortunately my friends have had more than enough patience for me and have given me the support I need. It's hard moving on when everything is so open-ended and there are still questions that the other person just can't answer. I don't think even Emma quite knows exactly why she had to break up with me, she just knew she had to for her own sake.
Thanks for your continued help