Friends fallout (I'm not involved) affecting my friendships

Former Member

So about 6 months ago, two of my school friends fell out with each other (they were also friends). I was never involved but each of my friends told me about it separately (from their sides). From then on one of those friends keeps asking me if the other one has said anything. The other one told me she doesn't want to speak to her again, and she refuses to talk to her. However my other friend is very upset.

I don't want to take sides and haven't, and their stories are both different perspectives. I don't know who to believe but that's not the issue as I don't have to believe either of them , I'm not involved.

I have been struggling with my MH a lot recently and so I have been quite isolated from friends. My friends issues with each other has been too much additional stress. So I haven't really spoke to my friends much.

I am very upset as I reached out to one of my friends again, trying to meet up over Christmas and everytime (literally) I meet her she says she is very sad and asks me every single time I see her. It upsets me as it feels like it's affecting our friendship. It also feels like that's all our friendships based on -her trying to get back her friendship with my other friend. I try to listen to her and say sorry to hear etc. but I do say I'm not wanting to get involved. It's not just I don't want to get involved , I actually can't remember the story correctly myself so I worry I'd say something wrong, I don't want to take sides and want to be neutral. I wasn't at the incident where they fell out, so I only hear stories from each side.

I haven't actually spoke to my other friend in a while but she no longer brings it up. It's stressing me out, and I'm feeling distant with my MH issues alone and their fallout just makes me want to isolate myself from them more etc. I am trying to improve my MH and get more connected with friends, but I text one friend asking how she is, and we should meet up. I got it late and by then she'd already sent a text asking about the other friend (if she had said anything to me regarding the incident, and that she is ignoring her messages etc.) before I could even reply to the general chat text. I wasn't even at the incident where they fell out.the other friend and I don't even talk about it at all.

Then when we meet up , I say I'm not involved and sorry it's upsetting you etc (I try to be sympathetic) yet at the same time I know my other friend doesn't want to talk to her etc. But that friend as soon as I say it she keeps asking me over and over again.

Please I don't know what to do, it's upsetting me, stressing me, making me want to distance myself more, an extra stress on my already challenging MH issues. And I feel sad as it feels like all my friendship is based on with one of them, is trying to become friends again with the other friend.

Former Member

When I say she keeps asking me over and over , I mean eg, she brings it up, i say as always I don't want to get involved and I haven't spoke to her in a while and when we do we don't talk about it (that's the truth). She will reply and say I'm very upset, and says please tell my anything, and I repeat and she says I know you don't want to get involved but ...... Etc etc. So she keeps pushing me for answers and I try to say sorry it's upset you etc. but it's stressing me out, and it's affecting our friendship in itself I feel

Former Member

And that happens every time we meet up

Former Member

Sounds like you've been caught in the middle of a really tough situation It's never easy getting stuck between two friends who have fallen out; particularly when you're struggling with your own stress and mental health. It seems you have really tried your best to stay out of any tricky conversations with the both of them, whilst trying to still be there for them and be supportive. I personally think you have been handling the situation really well :yes:

However it is also important that what has happened between them does not inadvertently affect your own friendships as well as your mental health. I hear that you have tried to explain to them that you don't want to get involved. It might be a good idea though to try to sit down with them (individually) when you are both calm and have time, to discuss how the situation is affecting you personally and what you would expect back from them after having been so supportive yourself.

I came across this article about staying neutral between friends who have fallen out, which you might find helpful to read.

Look after yourself apandav and let us know how you get on *hug*

Former Member

Thanks for your reply Raich, I read the article and has some good points!

Former Member

Hey apandav,
Just checking in! Hope you're doing well and things have been sorted out!
Speak soon,
Drea