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Dirty s#um

LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
This is a bit of a lie putting this under sex and relationships as I wouldn't call it sex what happened and it wasent a relationship but didn't know where else to put it.

This time last year the trial started on the 9th and it's the 9th today. Last year it was a Wednesday although this year today is obviously Friday but just to think in a couple of days time I would of known the jury found him guilty. I wanted to thank the jury so much, thank them for believing it happened to me but the police lady told me not to.

He was so hard at it he injured me not only on the outside that you cannot see but he forced his penis in me so hard he injured me and still to this day I get spots of blood on tissue because I haven't had it stitched or whatever because I'm too scared (it's not period blood) he injured me, with bruising. It's filed on the report when I had to lay there only a few hours later and let a forensic doctor examine my naked raped body.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sending big hugs Steph *hug**hug*

    We're here for you :heart:
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    raich wrote: »
    Sending big hugs Steph *hug**hug*

    We're here for you :heart:

    Thankyou💛
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    I cannot believe this day last year I don't think I slept. I think I met the police lady at the court in the morning and we hung about all day tomorrow last year to hear the verdict. She evan took me out for lunch when the court broke up for there lunch and we talked. I had such a good connection with her. We went back to court when lunch break was over and we was twiddling our fingers waiting. Finally near the end of the day we got called in and the jury said they had come to a verdict. At that point I think I just cried and just put my head on her lap. All I heard was not guilty but that was on count 2 and the police lady whispered guilty and I was like what I heard not guilty and then she told me not guilty on count 2. The judge sent someone upstairs in the public gallery to tell me to be quiet because I was sobbing my eyes out. When we heard the verdict I said to the police lady I need to thank the jury and she told me not to. We walked out of the public gallery and we both just screamed and shouted (the police lady knows of this perpetrators past so she was glad he got found guilty aswell) I was numb but happy. We walked to the police station and I saw my ISVA so I told her and the police lady bought me back to the hostel I was living in then. The police lady said if the jury find 1 count guilty they should find the other counts guilty but for some reason on the most traumatic count (count 2) he was found not guilty and I will always question that why but his in prision serving his time now and on the sex offenders register for 15years (they have to reapply after 15years now)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What was he convicted of and what was he acquitted of?
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    He was convicted of rape and it's personal what he was found not guilty on
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    Robert wrote: »
    What was he convicted of and what was he acquitted of?

    Why did you want to know?
  • One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 464 Rampant Poster
    Hi Steph big hugs from me. This must be a hard time for you right now. I'm so pleased to hear (excuse my language) the bastard got what he deserved!

    Hope you are ok
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    Hey..thankyou💙💚 hugs back

    Yep it is a hard time. I cannot explain what I'm feeling. This day last year I would of known the jury found him guilty! Oh no I don't mind the language he is a dirty scumbag. His probably loving it in prision though!
  • One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 464 Rampant Poster
    Anytime :) is there anything you do around this time to help take your mind of it. I know days with segnificant events such as this can be tough. For me its the 16th of march which is 2 days before my birthday. On that day something not very nice happened to me and while ive dealt with it, it helps to keep my mind occupied sometimes.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Steph95 wrote: »

    Why did you want to know?

    Sam is in a somewhat similar situation and it might be relevant to the court case he's in. It would be helpful if you could advise him about why a jury might convict a defendant on one charge and acquit him on another.
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    Anytime :) is there anything you do around this time to help take your mind of it. I know days with segnificant events such as this can be tough. For me its the 16th of march which is 2 days before my birthday. On that day something not very nice happened to me and while ive dealt with it, it helps to keep my mind occupied sometimes.

    Is it to do with what you've just posted in a new thread? I've read it 💙💚 but don't know what to say.
  • One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 464 Rampant Poster
    Hi Steph, don't worry about it, it wasn't that it actually to do with a minor sexual assault (if it can be classed as that) it was qith someone who I met when I was 16. There was a massive miss understanding and we made out when I didn't want to. But instead of saying no I just froze and he didn't realise until after. Although he didn't seem to care that much really.

    But thats behind me now :)
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    You know what the majority of rape/sexual assult victims don't actually say "no" you don't have to say no. Silence and freezing is the main response reactors to being raped/sexually assulted/abused. Did you report it?

    I'm sure you say that it's all behind you now but I don't think it's as easy as "to get over it" evan as you say it was a minor sexual assult💙💚
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    Robert wrote: »

    Sam is in a somewhat similar situation and it might be relevant to the court case he's in. It would be helpful if you could advise him about why a jury might convict a defendant on one charge and acquit him on another.

    I've got to look after myself at this unstable time myself aswell. I chip in when I am able to. I don't know why the jury would find one count guilty and not the others.
  • One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 464 Rampant Poster
    Hi Steph I actually didn't know that. Thanks, I never reported him but I did seek counselling during college when I was talking about being sexually bullied (which was one of my first posts on here) I told my counsellor about him as well as my tutor and youth worker. I said I didn't want to take any action against him but wanted to be reassured he wasn't at the college, which he wasn't.

    I think I used the wrong word if I'm honest when I said it's behind me I mean in the sense of I don't get flash backs, panic attacks or fear going out anymore. However I do have an issue when it comes to relationships as it takes me a long time to trust someone now. I think my friend helped me gain some of that trust back. He is male and we are just friends. He ask me to go see a film with him and I was terrified! However I did end up going. And I think it did me good as it did help me gain some of my trust back. We go out regularly now. In the sense of a memory it's a horrible one but I don't get upset by it now. I was 16 and now I'm 21 so kt has taken a while but I feel Im on the right track.
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    Yep it's true. Your welcome💙💚 I see, I'm 21 too! But it happened to me last year in July. I reported it the same night, not a doubt in my mind was not to. I would encourage any surviver to. The only regret I have was having a male do my rape kit this was only a few hours after it happened. I was given the chance to have a female but I went along and had the male because I was told the sooner it's was done the better but later on I was told a few hours more wouldn't of made a difference. I held onto a females nurse's hand while the forensic male doctor was doing it though I wouldn't let her hand go. I didn't stop crying, it was like being raped all over again but I had to sign for it to happen. I can't see me having a relationship in a sense of a boyfriend especially having sex. Therefore his ruined my chance of wanting a baby 😢
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi guys I've read a few replies on here and there seems to be alot going on. Will just point out whilst I really appreciate you guys thinking about me. Lets leave thos thred to think about steph.

    I understand how this day is important to you steph and I know how hard it must be. I wish I could suggest some coping strategies but unfortunately I'm struggling with that myself.

    OIAM- hi it's nice to hear how well your are doing. I do agree with Steph I think it's easier said then done to say you are over it. But I see what you mean when saying what sounds like, living your life again. Your friend sounds like a very nice guy and it's good to hear you are getting more confidence back

    Sam
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    That' was very nicely put Sam, thankyou💙💚
  • One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 464 Rampant Poster
    Steph95 wrote: »
    Yep it's true. Your welcome💙💚 I see, I'm 21 too! But it happened to me last year in July. I reported it the same night, not a doubt in my mind was not to. I would encourage any surviver to. The only regret I have was having a male do my rape kit this was only a few hours after it happened. I was given the chance to have a female but I went along and had the male because I was told the sooner it's was done the better but later on I was told a few hours more wouldn't of made a difference. I held onto a females nurse's hand while the forensic male doctor was doing it though I wouldn't let her hand go. I didn't stop crying, it was like being raped all over again but I had to sign for it to happen. I can't see me having a relationship in a sense of a boyfriend especially having sex. Therefore his ruined my chance of wanting a baby 😢

    Hi again Steph I've never thought about my reaction being that important as I felt I did the wrong thing. But then I remember there is no right or wrong way to react just like there is not time to heal period as it veries from person to person. I know consolling helped me so much as I spent my last few months in school being sexually bullied by a few of the boys after the insident I spoke about happened.

    I also encourage any survivor to speak out and the sexual bullying is actually something I wanted to talk about in schools. Believe it or not I had no clue about it until after it had already happened. I didn't realise how wrong it was or that I could actually do anything about it. I feel many people try to sweep it under the rug and it's wrong. I would love to do a small workshop in a school but unfortunately I work in a nursery so I work during school times.

    Back to you, you shouldn't have any regrets about what happened. You were so brave and Strong not many people feel able to ask for help that quick but the sooner the better. And you got the result you fought for now the scum is in jail where he belongs.

    It's still quite early days yet Steph so don't give up on feeling you will never be able to have a relationship as with time you may feel you can and thats fine but remember it's also fine not to.

    A relationship is not all about having sex it's about love and compassion. If someone only wanted a relationship for sex then they are totally not worth it. Due to my shy nature I am still a virgin and don't feel ready for a sexual relationship yet as like I say I take longer than I used to, to trust people. Just remember nothing is impossible! I never thought I would be me again after what happened and yes it took me ages to heal but thats ok. It's ok to feel the ways we did and do. It took me 3 years while a friend of mine took 1, someone else may take a few months. Or even more years. What's important is to remember we can all heal with help and support ;) hope you are ok
  • DreaDrea Posts: 292 Rampant Poster
    Hey Steph,

    Hope you are feeling better today! Sending hugs!
    Please don't feel like you are obliged to do anything on this thread. You are absolutely right that you have to look after yourself and your mental wellbeing. Especially after something as serious as this! You are welcome to talk to us whenever you feel you need to, and we are always here for you! You should be so proud of yourself for coming on here and talking about something so personal :heart: It's completely understandable why you may not be able to see yourself in a relationship yet because of what has happened. It may take some time, and that's perfectly normal and you deserve to be happy. It's important you go at a pace you're comfortable with. Hope you have a great day!
    Speak soon,
    Drea :heart:
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    Thanks Drea💙
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