If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
I Hate Myself
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am very depressed due to loads of reasons but i think the main reason is because of my family!
Ive been in the house on my own all day, the perfect oppertunity to do something that will show my family how they make me feel.
I could commit suicide now! Then they would know what they are driving me to, and nobody would be here to stop me! I could leave now! runaway somewhere and then they would know what they have done to me!
I just want to get out of this mess, and whilst i am living at home, it isnt gonna happen! Its not as if i have to live here, Im 16 and Ive got a full time job so i can afford to move out but still i think of killing myself! I dont know whats wrong with me!
I wish my boyfriend was here with me, then he could just hug me, make me feel loved. But hes working
! I'll probably get to see him once a week which will be on a sunday, but sometimes he works away and he goes on a sunday so I wont even see him that much! I miss him and I cant believe how much I love him when Ive only known him 4 a month & 19 days!
I HATE This feeling! I cant really describe it, i wish i could really but im sure somebody on here knows what I mean, right??
If only everybody knew, they'd end up feeling so bad with themselves, and i wouldnt give them sympathy! Id make them all suffer for what they have made me and make their lives hell!
I should be happy! Im 16, got my "whole life" ahead of me, in a loving relationship, ive got plenty of money! And the only reason i can think im feeling like this is i hate my self! I cant think of anything else that would cause this suididal feeling.
I havent self harmed in about 3 weeks but im so tempted to just cut myself, free some of this fustration! I cant hold back the urge.
:crazyeyes
Ive been in the house on my own all day, the perfect oppertunity to do something that will show my family how they make me feel.
I could commit suicide now! Then they would know what they are driving me to, and nobody would be here to stop me! I could leave now! runaway somewhere and then they would know what they have done to me!
I just want to get out of this mess, and whilst i am living at home, it isnt gonna happen! Its not as if i have to live here, Im 16 and Ive got a full time job so i can afford to move out but still i think of killing myself! I dont know whats wrong with me!
I wish my boyfriend was here with me, then he could just hug me, make me feel loved. But hes working
! I'll probably get to see him once a week which will be on a sunday, but sometimes he works away and he goes on a sunday so I wont even see him that much! I miss him and I cant believe how much I love him when Ive only known him 4 a month & 19 days!I HATE This feeling! I cant really describe it, i wish i could really but im sure somebody on here knows what I mean, right??
If only everybody knew, they'd end up feeling so bad with themselves, and i wouldnt give them sympathy! Id make them all suffer for what they have made me and make their lives hell!
I should be happy! Im 16, got my "whole life" ahead of me, in a loving relationship, ive got plenty of money! And the only reason i can think im feeling like this is i hate my self! I cant think of anything else that would cause this suididal feeling.
I havent self harmed in about 3 weeks but im so tempted to just cut myself, free some of this fustration! I cant hold back the urge.
:crazyeyes
0
Comments
I've been around peolpe like this, and I was even one of them for a while. My scars have faded though. The marks have gone. The memories haven't, but they're not important anymore.
So, I know this isn't easy, but just get over it. You don't need to hate yourself. You've got a boyfriend, be happy with him. If you don't get to see him that much, try harder. If he's seen something good in you, why don't you try looking for the same thing? He's been with you for almost 5 months now, so whatever he saw must have impressed him.
Okay first may i ask what your family do to make you feel like this, you do not have tell us/me i know it can be to personal. i can relate to how you feel and it's scary i have cut myself many a time because of my family and even though about dieing. but remember you die THEY win you give in you gotta show to them you wont go down feel low and let them die. and talk to them comunicate with them i know it scary i been there and i admit i cannot speak to my family and i should but please dont make the same mistake and leave it, it will build up and up untill you explode with rage and anger. that happened to me it build up N up and the smallest thing poped i have my life at home but i gotta stay a yr or so till i can leave but please spk to them or move out
It makes me think that if i wasnt here, they wouldnt care less and i will always think that.
They always have arguments which are either started by me or are about me for no apparent reason. Its just mad!
My parents are the type of people who you cant talk to about anything because for 1. they dont listen 2. they dont appear to even care and 3. they get the wrong idea of everything.
There is more stuff, loads of it, and i dont really wanna go into that tonight cos there is loads of it!
Hi,
I do know how you feel to an extent. My family is the same way. Ever since my mother died, my grandmother and asshole of a half-brother always treated me like shit and I know that they hated me and still do hate me.
I have attempted suicide quite a few times in the past and always ended up in the hospital because I usually told someone that I had done it and they stuck me in a mental hospital.
It will be 8 months tomorrow since I had last cut myself, but it's hard to stop the urges. When things start getting bad for me I just get these really bad urges of wanting to cut, but then I think about how far I have come and how long it's been since the last time I have cut.
then came a forced trip to the doctor, medication and family therapy. here are the things i learned:
being a parent is hard. there's no handbook that comes with your kid. parents are just people, and sometimes they fuck up, and sometimes they do things wrong. this isn't surprising considering for most of your life you've probably been blaming them for everything that's crap about your life. i know i did.
sometimes they have issues with showing love. in the words of my mother 'it's not that i don't love her, it's that i just don't understand her'. having a depressed child is not easy, and people deal with it in different ways.
suicide will stop the pain. it will also stop everything else. you don't get to see how everyone reacts. staying alive seems hard, but it means you still have a chance.
i know what it's like to feel like your parents love your brother more. i know what it's like to absolutely hate yourself. i know what it's like to think surely death, whatever it may involve, beats this.
but you know what? it gets better. it gets easier, and in time you can move away and have a life on your own. maybe you'll be able to rebuild the relationship with your parents. maybe you won't. but you get to have other things. job, house, husband, baby. you get to look back at your life in 5, 10, 20 years and think 'yeah, i did ok'.
Give either of following numbers a call....
Samaritans
Confidential help for anyone who is suicidal or despairing.
Telephone: 08457 909090
Careline
Telephone counselling service for children, young people and adults on any issue, including relationships, depression, mental health, child abuse, bullying, rape and sexual assault, domestic violence, addictions, stress etc.
Telephone: 020 8514 1177
There are also a couple of articles on the site that might be of help....
http://www.thesite.org/info/health/depression/feeling_suicidal.html
http://www.thesite.org/info/health/depression/depression.html
The important thing is to keep talking to people, there are a lot of people around who can help.
Best of luck with everything,
and take care of yourself.
Love Lu x