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Sounds like things are pretty tough at the moment for you. You're doing really well to talk about it here! How are you getting on today? *hug*
1)I had a moment the other day when I was feeling very suicidal, I just realised maybe I should at least postpone the idea as I'd like to give second year university a chance. I normally really enjoy university and it helps me a lot by giving me a focus and structure (yes I still do get depressed and really suicidal episodes whilst at uni, but uni has really helped it).
2) I pushed myself to go to freshers fair (they did a second day this year, so when the second day which was quieter and less claustrophobic like last time). And I'm actually considering giving a club a shot, I never went to any last year. Then I got excited at the prospect of maybe joining the photography club. I've actually never done photography before (other than just the usual pictures everyone takes on their phone), but the club itself really appealed to me - as they do lots of outings (where you can take photos) like nature walks too, and I do like creative things and have sometimes enjoyed taking very unprofessional photos of scenery a lot. Anyways, they have an event on Monday and it sounds very exciting - it's a photohunt challenge around the city- we get a list of places/ landmarks and a timelimit and we need to go around and get photos of all the items on the list and meet back - I though this sounded like a lot of fun. I was put off by the fact I worry about social situations but I'm definitely going to the photohunt, as I've managed to get one of my friends interested in coming - I'm actually very excited! It's nice as I don't normally feel a lot of excitement and positive emotions and it's something to look forward to in the near future.
3) Due to my strong anxieties of the curriculum change, moving to a new laboratory at uni for practical classes etc. I got very wound up. But after discussing with disability service, they have helped me to arrange contact with people in my department, who have been helping me in various ways.
-well yesterday I had a meeting with the head of teaching for my department and the head of my course year. Yep I sat in a room with really high up doctors of my field of study (the same people you would see if you were in trouble lol!!). But actually they were lovely and very helpful to me - they answered any questions I had and explained to me the changes etc. on a 1-2-1 level. They were also non judgemental and told me I can contact them or if there is anything I need to let them know. And one of the doctor guys kept on trying to be funny lol, and they said at the end "I hope this has proved to you we aren't ogers and you can talk to us" lol! So it was very reassuring and made me feel I want to give uni the best shot I can.
4) as a result of me telling the uni about a very embarrassing thing related to my MH issues, they wanted to ensure I'm safe in uni labs (based on what I said). This ment I had a risk assessment today at uni. I know sounds scary but it was actually very helpful and again the safety lady I had to meet with with lovely and very considerate of my issues. This means I got a seat near the exit, I can leave the lab for a breather if I need to, I get a couple of friends to sit near me (for familiarity). Also it means I now have a place to go and uni when I feel I May have an outburst or things get too much - the welfare/first aid room (I have the code for it)- also she said I don't even have to be in labs to use it, I am allowed to if I'm on campus and feel I need somewhere to calm down etc. Yes it was very embarrassing and it is, as the appropriate staff will know about my issues. But I know it's for my best and a lot of good has came from it. Its also made me feel at ease at going back to uni and now I can just focus on looking forward to going back
Currently I'm feeling very sleepy as adjusting to the medication increase, I had to have a daytime nap yesterday and I went to bed early. Then I woke up not long ago, I was very awake- then I just noticed there I'm feeling very sleepy but it would make sense as I took the medication about half an hour ago! This happens every time I have had my medication increased- I get extra sleepy but it usually goes away after about a week, so just wait it out!