Lost and Lonely

Former Member

Im really bad at expressing myself but having difficultly coping recently. I have been with my boyfriend for over 5years. He lost his mother the beginning on this year and it has been really hard. It was quite sudden and unexpected and has been especially hard for his Dad. My boyfriend has sunk into a deep depression and i feel like im going down with him. Im really really trying to be and stay supportive, I feel really selfish for being unhappy, i feel unhappy in our relationship, i dont feel like i make my boyfriend happy, he reassures me all the time that i am the only person that brings him joy anymore and i just feel like i have so much pressure and responsibility on me, and i have no justifible reason to be sad when he has lost his mum who he was so close do. I just feel useless.

Former Member

Hi Hat, welcome to the boards, great to have you here! :wave:

Thanks for posting this thread, you're doing really well to write here to look for some help and support for yourself. Sorry to hear that you've been having difficulty coping recently. Sounds like it's been a really difficult time for you and your boyfriend and his dad. What makes you say that you feel really selfish for being unhappy? You're doing really well to talk about how you're feeling and what has happened here, sounds like a really hard time you're going through at the moment.

We've got an article here about Grief and bereavement which might be useful to look at. There's also this article on the NHS website which could also be helpful to look at. Have you been able to speak to anyone else about how you've been feeling?

We're all here for you fee free to keep posting if it helps to write things down *hug*

Former Member

Hi Steph thanks for your reply and support. It does feel a bit better to just write things down and get them off my chest. I have a few friends I can talk too but we are all in a big group of friends including me and my boyfriend so its difficult at times as things are never sacred. My boyfriend (K) can be very difficult and self centred, which i hate to say but it is what he is like, he's friends have all known him long enough to know what he is like, he pushes people away who are trying to help him, and gets really depressed when he thinks no one is there for him, I am really really trying to stay strong for him but I just feel like our relationship has been going through a bad patch for quite some time, and im just not happy with how we are and Im struggling to see a future with him personally, every time i try to approach him to tell him im unhappy he goes into his depression, he reminds me his mum has died and i dont understand then begs me not to leave him, without actually talking or trying to fix the problem and improve things. Or i just get told that is how he is and i should just accept him. We have been together for over 5 years, and relatively good years, weve had ups and downs, we live with his parent(s) and he's dad has mentioned about us moving out a few times since losing his mum as i think he wants to sell up and go travelling, i have wanted to move out and get our own place for years but my boyfriend is immature, he is very childish when dealing with things,.. this is what i am having trouble accepting and i feel really selfish for being unhappy and thinking bad of him as i know its such a sad time for him and all of his family, i miss his mum so much but i feel like i havent been able to grieve as i have been too occupied making sure K(bf) is ok.. thanks for just letting me rant on, i dont know how what i must sound like. i feel like a horrible person admitting that im not happy anymore. I want to be able to approach him about him helping himself and trying to get out of his depression, so we can work on our relationship and move forward together. He is so scared of growing up and that scares me deeply, but I just feel like everything is so one-sided.

JustV

Hey Hat,

For the record, I think being honest and confronting these feelings is very brave of you. It's not selfish to be unhappy - I mean, we can't help how we feel right? That, and what someone else is going through doesn't invalidate our own lives and experiences. You're just as entitled to be unhappy about something as K, regardless of whether he's grieving. It's cool to see you opening up here.

I get the impression you're doing a lot for your boyfriend at the moment, and that's commendable given everything you've just been talking about. It's important to look after yourself both in general and at times like this, so it's good that you're thinking about you. Of the attempts you have made to reach out to K, have any of them gone anywhere productive? Or have all of them hit that wall?

It sounds like you're having some very real thoughts about leaving the relationship, too, so feel free to go into that a bit more if you'd like to? It's never easy dealing with these things.

Feel free to keep posting/ranting away as much as you need - it sounds like you've got a lot you need to get out. *hug*