Self harm

Former Member

He was 9issed out of his face that's why he fell over onto the tracks. Nearly at my mums town 10minutes more on a train and then no more trains untill Wednesday.

Former Member

Hey Steph, just thought I'd check in on how everything's going?

Former Member

Same same my mum is dropping me back tomorrow though so I don't have to get the train back and we are going to park outside mine (ill show her the inside aswell) then we are going to catch the bus further on than I know so I get to know abit of the area but I'm coming down again next week as this week is my grandmas birthday and next week is my mums birthday I'm not sure yet exactly what days I'm coming next week ect as it's not all worked out yet I'm trying to see my befriend that's down here aswell and at some point I need to get my fags which is in the town where I was before Birmingham near to my mums..hmm. Family meal was awful lastnight the food was awful and the service. We booked a table but they double booked so we didn't have the table we booked for. So the bill was halved that was good for my grandma. We went for puddings somewhere else but I didnt have one but all the time I felt so uncomfortable and stick out like a sore thumb. I don't like family gatherings/meals. My cousion that I hate has just come round as my sister is cutting her hair (my sisters a haridressor) it's so awkward and horrible. My mum has a dog which I love her to bits (the dog) but after a long time I'm unfortunately allergic to her so I take tablets and have an inhaler as with dogs the symptom is I can't breath so that's why I have an inhaler. I'm bloody still seeing this masked face. The suicidal stuff never goes away. I haven't self harmed for a day now though but I'm missing it. I don't want to self harm anyway evan though I do. I don't want to hurt myself. I want to die. When I visit my mum it's OK we don't tend to argue now like we used to when I lived here with her or when I had my own flat but what has gone on in the past what I would say is when I come and visit the visits are very flat she never shows me love or care which is really just what I want slowing starting to what I wanted. I give her a hug and she says not now I'm busy. My sisters gone now and my cousion I might find something of the households I can self harm with and have a cry now everyone's gone

Former Member

Hey Steph, :wave: thanks for sharing with us whats been going on, sounds like things are tough, you're doing really well to keep speak here about it all. How do you find speaking about things here?

I know we've said this before but if things become too difficult and hard to deal with we would urge you to contact Papyrus or Samaritans for crisis support. There's also an online crisis support service open 24/7 called I'm Alive, not sure if you've heard of them before.:chin:

You're doing really well to speak to us here, keep talking to us if it helps to write things down. We're here for you :yes:

Former Member

I don't like papyrus. I would like to give I'm alive ago but you can only connect via a laptop/computer which I don't have. I don't know how I find speaking about things here. Not sure how to answer that.

Former Member

I'm not making another thread as I'm making too many. So I'll just post on this thread for now (probably won't be long until I make another thread though so I do apologise) I just actually got through to Saneline and spoke to a male on the phone for 15minutes but there was a few silentces aswell but I've asked for callercare... (I cant really think and know my thoughts and feelings are sometimes as I have a blockage) and when I hear him if it's loud and everything's too loud I also can't think). Why I couldnt/know how to answer how do I find writing stuff on here (what you asked me Steph) Sane callercare makes contact with you. So if you don't like speaking on the phone that makes it a bit easier and on a night you struggle for me Monday nights you get a call every week from them for an agreed amount of weeks. He said someone will be in touch at first though he didn't ask for my number I was paranoid why is he not asking for it has he already got it, how? but then I said don't you need my number. Ahh I'm so shy evan though I am good on phone I don't like it.

I'm back at mine now anyway and seeing this masked face again. I'm tierd but too scared to go to sleep knowing I'll be waking back up 😢 he told me to set fire to the flat and stay in here. That be a horrible death though I want a nice death. Omg I can hear noise outside my blinds closed as I don't like to see anybody but can hear noise

Former Member

That was wierd it said I wasent authorised to edit a post I wasent trying to edit a post I was trying just to post. It's so cold aswell. Why is it so cold. I'm so paranoid I think someone's outside I could go out with my safety equipment. I don't really know I don't want to see him again though. I'll stay in. With posts though regarding how do I feel about talking about stuff on here..there aren't many replies really only mods. Do I know all the mods now as I think I won't post as I won't get a reply 😢 I talk to myself and my friend not so friend in my head enough. I just heard some hearing aids what the hell, I can hear the earth, I can hear everything but I don't want to hear everything

Former Member

I also noticed that I've changed to the mix convert. What does a convert mean? Am I stupid not knowing what a convert means? What if I talk to myself on here does it matter

Former Member

Hey Steph, that's OK you're welcome to keep posting here or in another thread whichever you prefer

That's OK, great to hear you'd like to try I'm Alive. On their website they say

cell phones may cause the chat to disconnect unexpectedly

have you tried to use your phone to access the chat?

It's OK not to know how you feel about speaking here, it's good to hear that you've been speaking to Saneline and that they're going to be calling you back to talk more, that sounds really positive.

Sorry to hear that you're still seeing the masked face, sounds really tiring for you. We're here you for if you want to talk more about this or anything else.*hug*We've got an article here which might be useful to read it also has a mood check tool which might be helpful too.

Now that you've posted over 100 posts this automatically gets changed to The Mix convert, being converted is when you change from one thing to another so it's just another way of saying you've made a lot of posts on the boards. When you get to 250 posts it changes to Rampant Poster and 500 posts it changes to extreme poster and so on. Hope this makes sense :chin:

Former Member

Yes I've tried to use my phone to access the I'm alive chat but always says offline. Thanks for the link for the article. Is step finder only on iPhone? Because I can't seem to find it on my android. Also has get connected app gone? I swear they use to have an app but for the life of me can't remember what was on it but been trying to get the app back so I can have a look again.

Ah yes that makes sense. Thanks for explaining.

Former Member

My display picture says it all what I was going on about a time bomb until I commit suicide. I love pictures and quotes. My CPN use to tell me to do it and that's how we worked as sometimes I don't know my thoughts and feelings so I find a quote or an image