I really need to talk

Former Member

I'm sorry. I never normally make threads like this which would probably show what sort of mess I'm in right now.

I need to talk. Let off steam. I dont know but something! I don't even know anymore. Urg my head is all over the place I can't even think straight right now... Is anyone around please? I wanted to talk in chat the other night but it was so busy I didn't even bother trying. And the thoughts and feelings have been getting more and more powerful ever since. It's crazy! Really crazy! I'm probably sounding crazy.... But I don't know what to do with myself right now

Former Member

Hey,

No worries about what kind of threads you make - what's up deary? Good to have you back *hug*

Former Member

I'm just feeling like I'm going crazy. I really can't put it into words or even begin to describe it which makes it difficult to talk about. But I know I need to.... I've learned from past instances that I can't keep stuff like this bottled up.

I feel beyond guilty about things that have happened in my life... Thats probably the strongest feeling right now. Not only that, I'm in new surroundings and experiencing positive things that I've never experienced before. I'm loved and cared for by this amazing family that have taken me in. They feel like my family and I finally feel home. But these are all new feelings and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I'm used to being hated, used, abused etc and now I don't know what to do... I'm thankful beyond measure that this has finally happened. But how do I get used to the fact that someone actually genuinely cares about me? And sometimes, I want to hug the lady but I feel awkward because I feel like she would think I was crazy or something. Probably the same as I sound right now huh?

JustV

You don't sound crazy at all, Becki. Getting used to such a positive and friendly environment where you're well looked after must be a massive transition when you're used to something so different, and it's only natural for such a transition to take time. Hugging someone you feel dearly about isn't unusual, and it's something she might well appreciate just as much as you would.

Have you talked about these feelings with your family at all? With them being on the same page as you (or at least aware that you're struggling), you might be able to start having those conversations about how they could support you and make this journey easier. They sound like a wonderfully caring bunch, so I'd imagine they want to help however they're able to.

You're doing well to talk about things, and do keep us posted on how you're finding things. :yes:

Former Member

Yeah I have come to realise that it's going to take some time to get used to not be abused. You know what's strange through.... usually, if I go somewhere new, I don't trust anyone, especially men, and I isolate myself incase someone sees and abuses me. But when I came here, I felt instantly safe. I knew I wasn't going to be hurt here. Dont ask how but I did but I did! They are all so loving and caring towards me. It's incredible .

I haven't talked to them about it and I don't think I will. It would be better if they didn't know I think. I think it will settle over time. But there are feelings that I do need to talk with them about I think. The other day, the lady thsts adopting me was sick. Her husband said she wasn't responding and didn't want to eat anything etc. I went into total panic mode.... This is the thing, I'm petrified that people will leave. And one of m biggest fears right now is that I will wake up one morning and she won't be there anymore. Thank God she is not sick anymore - it was just a 24 hour but I think. But this is what happens all the time. Should I tell her about that? If so, how??

Aoife

Hi BeckiBoo,

I'm really happy to hear that you felt instantly safe with your new family and that you feel they are loving and caring towards you. It must have been really challenging and scary when the lady who is adopting you was ill. Even more scary when her husband said she wasn't responding or eating. I am happy to hear that she is not sick anymore. You said this happens quite frequently. If you feel it's making you worry a lot, for some people speaking to their carer and telling them why it makes you panic can help because they can assure you about how they are feeling and tell you whether they think it is just a light bug and not serious so it can ease some of these feelings.

Feel free to keep posting here and let us know you are finding things.