feeling lost

Former Member

i am finding it more hard every day to keep putting a smile on my face act like everything is ok when really everyday its getting more harder to get out of bed to keep my self awake as all i want to do is sleep and never wake up to keep acting like i am getting better and everything is looking up when in side i am dieing a little more each time inside i feel so lost i have no idea what to do or where to go i look at what everyone else has and i want that yet dose not seem ever seem to happen i don't no anymore i am giving up

JustV

Hey Sian,

sianloveronald wrote: »

i look at what everyone else has and i want that yet dose not seem ever seem to happen

Just for the sake of interest, I wanted to share a German word with you which describes the negative feelings that arise from comparing your life to that of an ideal life or that of other peoples'. Not super relevant, but interesting nonetheless:

Weltschmerz (from the German, meaning world-pain or world-weariness, pronounced [ˈvɛltʃmɛɐ̯ts]) is a term coined by the German author Jean Paul and denotes the kind of feeling experienced by someone who believes that physical reality can never satisfy the demands of the mind.

I guess, on this point, it's worth thinking about the process you need to go through and the potential barriers you may need to overcome to get to that place you want to be. Anyone struggling with their health (or even wider issues with their life) will have that ideal in their mind; a goal to reach; a place they want to get themselves. However, there will always be a (usually difficult) process to get there and it's worth remembering that.

On a similar note, even though it's tempting to look at others and get ourselves down about how happy and established they seem, I reckon there's a danger of romanticising it. Ultimately, we don't know what's going on for other people and we often only see what's on the surface and the side to them that they want to show other people (much like you were saying about putting on a smile). I guess you could compare this idea to a rabbit hole - when we see them on the surface we don't see the complex network of tunnels and the depth concealed below, and I think this applies to (all) people as well. Tl;dr the lives of other people might not be as great and desirable as they seem.

Moreover, both from this thread and your previous posts, I'm really hearing that you're feeling isolated and misunderstood. It sounds like you could really do with someone or something to ground you a bit in terms of the support you need and maybe help point you in a constructive direction with your mental health. On that note, can I ask where you're at with professional support at the moment?

Former Member

Hi there @sianloveronald Thank you for reaching out and expressing yourself. From what you wrote above, I get the sense that you are feeling lost and frustrated with where you are in life right now? It definitely sounds like you needed a good vent sess! At this very delicate time in your life it is important to surround yourself with a good support system, like your family, trusted friends, and medical/mental health professionals. As my mother tells me when I find myself feeling a certain way.. for every problem you face, there is always a solution somewhere around, you just need to look for it.

sianloveronald wrote: »

inside i feel so lost i have no idea what to do or where to go i look at what everyone else has and i want that yet dose not seem ever seem to happen i don't no anymore i am giving up

I think it is normal to go through periods of feeling low on yourself/disappointed with yourself for not being further along than you thought you'd be. I can say this because I can identify exactly with everything you've expressed, most specifically with what I have quoted above. At my age, I would love to have accomplished x y and z. Just because I haven't yet, doesn't mean I never will! And, as @Mike illustrated above, things may not always be as they appear.

And I have to agree. I firmly believe that comparison is the thief of joy.

If you dwell too much on all your supposed 'have-nots' you quickly lose sight of all the amazing things you do have in your own life. I believe that you have many things in your life to be happy about and grateful for. You might need to employ a magnifying glass or a little creative thinking, but there are amazing things in your life!

@Mike had some really great advice! What is it that you see in other people's lives, that you want, that you don't have? Maybe you could try identifying what your 'ideal' is. Whatever it is, are there steps you can take to get you closer to having what you want?

As I mentioned above, it is normal to feel down every once in a while. The trick is to not stay in a low place! However hopeless you may be feeling right now, you must remember that it is not permanent. Your life is one great book, with many colorful and intriguing chapters. However you may be feeling now, it can be just a chapter in your book, and not a theme.

Sending you well wishes & positive vibes. Hope to hear from you again!!

Former Member

Mike wrote: »

Hey Sian,



Just for the sake of interest, I wanted to share a German word with you which describes the negative feelings that arise from comparing your life to that of an ideal life or that of other peoples'. Not super relevant, but interesting nonetheless:



I guess, on this point, it's worth thinking about the process you need to go through and the potential barriers you may need to overcome to get to that place you want to be. Anyone struggling with their health (or even wider issues with their life) will have that ideal in their mind; a goal to reach; a place they want to get themselves. However, there will always be a (usually difficult) process to get there and it's worth remembering that.

On a similar note, even though it's tempting to look at others and get ourselves down about how happy and established they seem, I reckon there's a danger of romanticising it. Ultimately, we don't know what's going on for other people and we often only see what's on the surface and the side to them that they want to show other people (much like you were saying about putting on a smile). I guess you could compare this idea to a rabbit hole - when we see them on the surface we don't see the complex network of tunnels and the depth concealed below, and I think this applies to (all) people as well. Tl;dr the lives of other people might not be as great and desirable as they seem.

Moreover, both from this thread and your previous posts, I'm really hearing that you're feeling isolated and misunderstood. It sounds like you could really do with someone or something to ground you a bit in terms of the support you need and maybe help point you in a constructive direction with your mental health. On that note, can I ask where you're at with professional support at the moment?

i understand that its normal to go thought times when your feeling down how ever for me it seem to be i try to be happy and sort myself out and yet u go back to where i was and when i get there seem to be ever worse than before i just cant seem to be happy i think i am not meant to be happy ever and i go to my gp but they push me out the door asap give me a bit of a talk and that it and yes i feel very much alone i don't have anyone to talk to about how i feel all i get told is your just being silly everything will work out and i know how you feel i am soo sick of hearing that how can they know what i am feeling and who ever i try ti talk to get told the same thing so i just don't bothner now i wirte on here as it helps sometimes but 9 times out of 10 i bottle it up as it easy that way for me

Former Member

bouvier wrote: »

Hi there @sianloveronald Thank you for reaching out and expressing yourself. From what you wrote above, I get the sense that you are feeling lost and frustrated with where you are in life right now? It definitely sounds like you needed a good vent sess! At this very delicate time in your life it is important to surround yourself with a good support system, like your family, trusted friends, and medical/mental health professionals. As my mother tells me when I find myself feeling a certain way.. for every problem you face, there is always a solution somewhere around, you just need to look for it.



I think it is normal to go through periods of feeling low on yourself/disappointed with yourself for not being further along than you thought you'd be. I can say this because I can identify exactly with everything you've expressed, most specifically with what I have quoted above. At my age, I would love to have accomplished x y and z. Just because I haven't yet, doesn't mean I never will! And, as @Mike illustrated above, things may not always be as they appear.

And I have to agree. I firmly believe that comparison is the thief of joy.

If you dwell too much on all your supposed 'have-nots' you quickly lose sight of all the amazing things you do have in your own life. I believe that you have many things in your life to be happy about and grateful for. You might need to employ a magnifying glass or a little creative thinking, but there are amazing things in your life!

@Mike had some really great advice! What is it that you see in other people's lives, that you want, that you don't have? Maybe you could try identifying what your 'ideal' is. Whatever it is, are there steps you can take to get you closer to having what you want?

As I mentioned above, it is normal to feel down every once in a while. The trick is to not stay in a low place! However hopeless you may be feeling right now, you must remember that it is not permanent. Your life is one great book, with many colorful and intriguing chapters. However you may be feeling now, it can be just a chapter in your book, and not a theme.

Sending you well wishes & positive vibes. Hope to hear from you again!!

i go thought it and never seem to get out of it i stay in the dark place and don't want to move how ever much i try and push myself its like that voice in my head telling me there no point in eve trying as it wont ever work out so save your self the pain and don't bother i have done no9thing to be happy about in my life and wont ever do the things i want to do and get told by so called friends and family you wont do it so why bother i had all my life so may as well stay like it don't think anyone would care if i was alive or dead right now

Former Member

Hi there @sianloveronald I'm very happy to see you've replied. It sounds to me like you would benefit from seeking the support of a trained and credentialed professional. They would be able to better help navigate you through what you are experiencing at the moment.

I think it is very brave of you to come to the forums and talk about what you are experiencing. You may not realize it, but the simple act of your logging into this forum and writing a post is YOUR TRYING. In that one action, you are demonstrating to yourself that you care about yourself and that you are not about to give up on yourself. I commend you on this, truly.

I have to say.. it is uncanny reading your words, because I absolutely see glimpses of myself in everything you are saying. I have traversed some pretty dark roads, and though we are not on the same life journey (none of us are), I can certainly relate. These things that you are saying to yourself right now, they are called your 'internal monologue.' At the moment your internal monologue sounds very toxic and unfriendly. Whatever nasty things it's saying to you, it is not the truth about who you are or what amazing things you are going to accomplish with your life. You have the power to take control of your internal monologue. Just as there is a negative spin on it at the moment, you can turn it around and begin saying positive things to and about yourself.

I am about to tell you the most empowering thing I know of. This is what has gotten me through a lot of dark times. You have the power to help yourself. I say this not to make you feel isolated, but to empower you. You have the power and the agency to pick yourself up and change things around for yourself. I believe that because you have already demonstrated your power and agency by reaching out to the forums.

Wishing you the best.

Former Member

bouvier wrote: »

Hi there @sianloveronald I'm very happy to see you've replied. It sounds to me like you would benefit from seeking the support of a trained and credentialed professional. They would be able to better help navigate you through what you are experiencing at the moment.

I think it is very brave of you to come to the forums and talk about what you are experiencing. You may not realize it, but the simple act of your logging into this forum and writing a post is YOUR TRYING. In that one action, you are demonstrating to yourself that you care about yourself and that you are not about to give up on yourself. I commend you on this, truly.

I have to say.. it is uncanny reading your words, because I absolutely see glimpses of myself in everything you are saying. I have traversed some pretty dark roads, and though we are not on the same life journey (none of us are), I can certainly relate. These things that you are saying to yourself right now, they are called your 'internal monologue.' At the moment your internal monologue sounds very toxic and unfriendly. Whatever nasty things it's saying to you, it is not the truth about who you are or what amazing things you are going to accomplish with your life. You have the power to take control of your internal monologue. Just as there is a negative spin on it at the moment, you can turn it around and begin saying positive things to and about yourself.

I am about to tell you the most empowering thing I know of. This is what has gotten me through a lot of dark times. You have the power to help yourself. I say this not to make you feel isolated, but to empower you. You have the power and the agency to pick yourself up and change things around for yourself. I believe that because you have already demonstrated your power and agency by reaching out to the forums.

Wishing you the best.

thank you bouvier i am not sure i can thought i try to pick myself up and tell myself its just nasty ppl in my head saying i am thick fat ugly cant do it but the more i try to fight it the more powerful it becomes and i feel so lost with in myself i feel like in my head there me in a corner with all the bad thing going around me like a pack of birds and there no way out i cant see ther good old the bad and i am so tried of feeling so dark and down all the time just want to wake up and feel ok but just don't no how i have try to go to to my gp but they just push me out the doors i feel in the way of everyone all the time like i am not meant to be here anymore

JustV

sianloveronald wrote: »

i understand that its normal to go thought times when your feeling down how ever for me it seem to be i try to be happy and sort myself out and yet u go back to where i was and when i get there seem to be ever worse than before i just cant seem to be happy i think i am not meant to be happy ever and i go to my gp but they push me out the door asap give me a bit of a talk and that it and yes i feel very much alone i don't have anyone to talk to about how i feel all i get told is your just being silly everything will work out and i know how you feel i am soo sick of hearing that how can they know what i am feeling and who ever i try ti talk to get told the same thing so i just don't bothner now i wirte on here as it helps sometimes but 9 times out of 10 i bottle it up as it easy that way for me

Absolutely love what @bouvier said about our 'internal monologue'; what a great way to think about it. :chin:

It is incredibly, incredibly frustrating to hear someone say they know how we feel when we know they could never truly understand. I think we can all relate to someone assuming they know what's going on inside our heads or in our lives, when in reality, only you know the depth and detail of your situation (again, going back to the rabbit hole analogy). However, I think sometimes it can be good to bear in mind that a lot of people who say "I know how you feel" might actually just be trying to show they empathise. It can be quite a semantic thing; people saying they know how you feel but really they mean they can relate or that they're feeling for you without necessarily considering the impact of the difference in those sentiments. I'm not saying this is what's happening with you, but it's always a possibility.

It doesn't sound like you've had much luck at all with professional support, by the way. GPs can be a mixed bag, though, and definitely in terms of their approach to mental health. Have you tried changing GPs at all?

Also, just to let you know, you can self-refer to our phone counselling service via this form if you think it's something you might like to try.

Former Member

Mike wrote: »

Absolutely love what @bouvier said about our 'internal monologue'; what a great way to think about it. :chin:

It is incredibly, incredibly frustrating to hear someone say they know how we feel when we know they could never truly understand. I think we can all relate to someone assuming they know what's going on inside our heads or in our lives, when in reality, only you know the depth and detail of your situation (again, going back to the rabbit hole analogy). However, I think sometimes it can be good to bear in mind that a lot of people who say "I know how you feel" might actually just be trying to show they empathise. It can be quite a semantic thing; people saying they know how you feel but really they mean they can relate or that they're feeling for you without necessarily considering the impact of the difference in those sentiments. I'm not saying this is what's happening with you, but it's always a possibility.

It doesn't sound like you've had much luck at all with professional support, by the way. GPs can be a mixed bag, though, and definitely in terms of their approach to mental health. Have you tried changing GPs at all?

Also, just to let you know, you can self-refer to our phone counselling service via this form if you think it's something you might like to try.

no people i have in my life see i am down and just say oh look she down again just igron her and it will go away she just go awau cut her self and think i want people to think i want the light on me when i don't i h8 it don't do it to have people look and ask why whats wrong now no one will ever undertand whats going on in my head coz i don't even no

Former Member

hi Sian,

As Mike was saying in his post it sounds like a really frustrating situation to be in for you. How does it feel to post here about whats been going on? I notice earlier in the thread you were saying that 9 times out of 10 you find it easier to bottle it all up. You're doing a really positive thing by being open about how you're feeling and whats going on for you here. The people in your life that you're talking about have you been able to talk to them about how you feel about them ignoring you when you're feeling down?

Sounds really hard to not be able to understand whats going on in your head at the moment. We're all here to support you here. We've got a video here which be useful to watch about having trouble getting help for mental health.

We're all here for you *hug*

Former Member

Steph wrote: »

hi Sian,

As Mike was saying in his post it sounds like a really frustrating situation to be in for you. How does it feel to post here about whats been going on? I notice earlier in the thread you were saying that 9 times out of 10 you find it easier to bottle it all up. You're doing a really positive thing by being open about how you're feeling and whats going on for you here. The people in your life that you're talking about have you been able to talk to them about how you feel about them ignoring you when you're feeling down?

Sounds really hard to not be able to understand whats going on in your head at the moment. We're all here to support you here. We've got a video here which be useful to watch about having trouble getting help for mental health.

We're all here for you *hug*

hello steph

i have try before and i get the same as all ways i dont let anyone in i dont lisen i just push ppl away think i am all ways right all that crap so now i just dont tell anyone it dose help from time to time to let it all out on here dont feel like i be juge for how i am feelinf or thinking i get annoyed with ppl as they want them to them whats wrong but as i say if i cant work out whats so wrong how am i meant to tell you ????
and thank you means a lot

Former Member

Hi Sian,

How are you doing at the moment?

Sounds frustrating for you to not be able to work out whats wrong.You're doing really well to explain how you're feeling here. It's good to hear that you find it helpful to let things out on here from time to time, feel free to post as much as you like if it helps to.

What do you think makes you not let anyone in and push people away?

You're more than welcome Sian, we're here for whenever you need to talk :yes:

Former Member

Steph wrote: »

Hi Sian,

How are you doing at the moment?

Sounds frustrating for you to not be able to work out whats wrong.You're doing really well to explain how you're feeling here. It's good to hear that you find it helpful to let things out on here from time to time, feel free to post as much as you like if it helps to.

What do you think makes you not let anyone in and push people away?

You're more than welcome Sian, we're here for whenever you need to talk :yes:

i am just so tried i don't no just feel like i cant trust anyone anymore i talk yo friends i get up set all they say is no point in getting up set is there i cant help how i feel about it i try my best to tell ppl whats wrong but if i don't no how can i tell them