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Is she just using me?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello. I'm kind of having a dilemma and I just don't know exactly what to do at

this point. So me and this girl are talking, we're both in our early twenties

and have known each other for a few months dating back to November 2015. When

we first started talking she was in a complicated relationship with her ex

boyfriend, which then she eventually just cut me off. So we didn't talk for

about 2 months. Then she reached back out to me late february saying she

apologized for cutting me off for her ex boyfriend because they broke up. So

from late february to now we've been talking. Unfortunately we're not in state.

She lives in Utah and I live in California but I'm visiting family in Ohio for

the next few week then I'm headed back out to California. We've just facetimed

a lot in the last month and I'm really starting to dig her. We have a lot in

common and she's really intelligent on top of attractive. I've been through a

lot of bad relationships with girls wasting my time and I don't want to go

through that again with this girl. She's still really hurt & broken up over her

relationship ending a month ago. She's opened up to me and told me everything

about it, which is probably making some of you think I'm already friendzoned. I

asked her upfront if she could see us dating and she said she definitely could.

But obviously it would take some time since she's not over the break-up. I

asked her if she still talks to her ex and she said she does not anymore but

they still have the same groups of friends so they occasionally see each other

at functinos. He treated her really poorly and was constantly putting her down

and being a hypocrite about things which ultimately led to their breakup. He's

now out doing his thing dating and talking to other girls while she is still

heart broken and upset over how he treated her.

So now finally my question is, should I believe her when she says she could see

us dating? She's considering moving to California for school sometimes this

year over summer/fall. But if she does not she will remain in Utah which isn't

terrible far but I guess it would still be considered long distance. She's told

me a lot of positive things about wanting to get to know me and date in the

future but I don't know if she's just string me along because I give her

attention that she's not getting from her ex anymore.

What should I do? In the past I've been very impatient with these type of

situations and I always ended up ruining things before they even had a chance

to go anywhere. So I'm wondering if I should continue to just do what I'm

currently doing and allow her to see the good qualities in me that she didn't

get with her ex.

I really don't like having my time wasted anymore when it comes to girls and if

I'm going to be friendzone I would just like to know upfront and keep it

pushing so I don't get too deepily involved with feelings. It's stressful for me to try talking to someone that may not look at me the same. Which is fine. If that's the case I'd rather know upfront. For me, you know right off the bat if you're attracted to someone or not. But that's just me.

Any advice?

Thank you & I'm sorry this was so long.


  • Options
    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,305 Part of The Furniture
    Hey, Erik. :wave: Welcome to the boards.

    I just wanted to let you know that we are a UK based service, so the support we can provide might be a little bit limited. You're still welcome to post and use the community, and we do have people outside the UK here, so it's just something to bear in mind.

    I wonder if it might be most beneficial/conservative to take these sorts of relationships with people as they come; treat it as what it is (a very close friendship, by the sounds of it?), and not necessarily what it could or you want it to be? Particularly with this situation where, as you say, she's still getting over her recent break up and there is a bit of a danger of some feelings being a little misplaced by the void her ex may have left. The distance is an important one to be aware of as well, and the potential effects that could have on your relationship dynamic.

    Circling back, slightly - would you be happy if you remained friends with this girl and things weren't taken any further? It might be good to see the benefits of having a close friend like that, even if it doesn't escalate in to something more. :yes:
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
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