Help! Sex issues with long term bf.

Former Member

Myself and my boyfriend are arguing a lot about sex. I love him so much, adore his company and the friendship we have but it is not enough for him.
He keeps saying that the sex isn't what it should be for a couple of our age (both early twenties). He keeps grilling me over it and will then bring up my previous partners. "I'm obviously too small... I bet they were much better...what did they have that I don't!" I hear a lot. I find him so handsome and attractive but I prefer to cuddle or spend time together than have sex. I just don't feel horny anymore. It's creating problems between us and I don't know how to solve it! He isn't deprived by the way, we do have sex and I always pleasure him to keep him quiet and satisfied. I have been in love twice and with both men I'm more interested in the companionship rather than lust. I find that when I've had sex with a stranger or someone I don't really care about, I am confident and enjoy it! I used to masturbate, watch porn and run a naughty blog but that kind of thing doesn't interest me anymore. Any advice would be much appreciated!

Former Member

Hi hlc92. welcome to the boards :wave:

Sorry to hear there have been so many arguments It seems like your boyfriend is assuming you had a higher sex drive with your ex boyfriends and therefore is comparing himself with them - when actually it sounds like when you're in love you're usually more interested in the companionship/cuddles then sex.

Have you been able to explain this to him? It could be worth having these "sex" chats far away from a sex situation - as these can get extra sensitive when they occur in the moment where sex is on the table for one of you, as it may feel like rejection.

You also mention you "just don't feel horny anymore". Is there any particular reason why? Has something shifted for you?

Have a look at our articles on Mismatched sex drives and Low sex drive that may help, as well as how to communicate with your boyfriend.

Do let us know how you get on *hug*

Former Member

if you thing so just got sepration

Former Member

I understand him completely. Don't you think the issue could lie with you, when you say you enjoy and are excited about sex with strangers? Sex is a vital and important part of, I'd say 99% of romantic relationships and being deprived of sex from a loved one all the time can feel very cruel and rejecting. When you say you do not deprive him and that you have sex and pleasure him, then what exactly are his points of complaint he brings up?

Why is it that you don't want to have sex? Are you afraid they judge you for your body you may be uncomfortable with (whereas you don't mind with strangers as you don't see them again), or is it unsettling to you to truly open up and be vulnerable?

I think this is something you should tackle. If you are really the type who just don't want sex with romantic partners then you will have to find a likeminded boyfriend.