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*hides in corner and cries*

Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
I just dont know anymore..........i hate everything....i hate myself, college, i hate my life.............i always seem to feel really really low when support chat isnt on, anyone care to talk?

I understand if you dont want to because i bet you hate me. :no::banghead::crying::confused:
''You were in the wilderness
Looking for your own purpose
Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
I knew you always would''

- James Arthur (YOU)
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey jpeople111,
    First off, none of us hate you! What's been going on for you at the moment? Always someone here for you my love*hug*
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    Im sick of being left out, always treated second best to my brother and sister, i must be a bad person but i dont know what to change about myself to make people like me, i dont feel good enough - i feel like my voice is always drowned out by my sister and brother and ........college is just so hard and annoying because i ask for help and then the teacher pratically just does the work for me and i feel like i never learnt how to do it for next time (sorry for this moan) and my counsellor had the reschedule the appointment which was supposed to be this saturday but now i have to wait a further 2 weeks to see her because shes so busy and i dont think i can wait that long. :crying::mad:Old Mad
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you tried talking to your family about this situation? Sometimes people honestly don't realise the effect that they're having on people. You're not a bad person my love, I've seen you helping people on here and on support chat/ And you 100% do not need to change anything about yourself, you are just fine the way you are!
    As for college, if you don't think the way your teacher is helping you then you would probably be best to ask her to maybe work with you differently? We all have different learning styles, so you just need to find something that works for you.
    It really sucks about your appointment - have you tried maybe ringing some helplines or online chats whilst you wait? Perhaps Get Connected, Samaritans or Childline (if you're under 19)
    xx
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    I havent tried talking to my family about it because just seems like a stupid thing to talk about and thank you for the lovely message and yes i guess i should tell my teacher that my learning style is different and i am 18 so i might talk to childline later but not yet because if my dad saw me on childline then he would get angry at me because in the past childline have called me an ambulance and that has happened 3 times.

    Thank you for listening to me, i really appreciate it xx
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Jess,

    No one on here would hate you at all and if we can help or support you in any way, then we will., okay? We are all here to listen to you and talk to you should you need it Hun. I recently turned 19 and had to leave CL but that is also a great service so maybe it would help you to turn to them, especially when support chat may not be on here at the time you really need to talk some more, and quickly/immediately?

    Do you have any other support currently in place and is there anything else going on or just the above?

    Are your family supportive though? It is not a stupid thing to talk about though, especially If it something which is bothering you.

    Stay strong
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    Hi Jess,

    No one on here would hate you at all and if we can help or support you in any way, then we will., okay? We are all here to listen to you and talk to you should you need it Hun. I recently turned 19 and had to leave CL but that is also a great service so maybe it would help you to turn to them, especially when support chat may not be on here at the time you really need to talk some more, and quickly/immediately?

    Do you have any other support currently in place and is there anything else going on or just the above?

    Are your family supportive though? It is not a stupid thing to talk about though, especially If it something which is bothering you.

    Stay strong


    Thank you Hannah,

    I just got off chat with childline and it went well and i just need to learn how to open up better because ive left chat feeling annoyed
    at myself for not saying much of what i wanted to say and i was supposed to be meeting with my new counsellor on Saturday but
    she had to reschedule my appointment so i have it 2 weeks on Saturday instead and there is alot going on - my life is just full of shit
    and sadly my family arent a very close family at all and they are not very supportive - all they seem to care about is my education.
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi,

    Ah bless, that's really good then. Did the chat help you though and are you feeling at least a little better than what you were before? I very recently had to leave CL due to turning 19 and I already miss it so much.

    The fact they care about your education is really important Hun so they do clearly care and support you further than that as well. Plus, you don't have to necessarily be a really close family to talk to each other. Would you consider talking to them?

    What makes you feel your life is just full of shit?x
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    Hi Hannah,

    Yes im feeling a bit better, its a great place to offload things and talk things through plus childline counsellors always seem to be so nice and yes i am not looking forward to turning 19.....got a while yet because i turn 19 in December so got plenty of time.

    I would consider talking to my parents but i know they would just make a fuss and i will end up being centre of attention which i hate so much and life is shit because ive been bullied twice at college since 2016 started and my mental health is all over the place, college is so stressful to the point where i get home and just go to bed and teachers are getting pissed off with me because i cant do the work even though i ask for help.....i dont know and lastly i cant seem to let go of the past, i lost a really close friend to suicide back in May and sometimes i sit in lessons at college and do nothing all lesson and just think about it.
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    Why me?!!! :banghead:Old Mad:crying:
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jpeople111 wrote: »
    Why me?!!! :banghead:Old Mad:crying:
    Has something happened? *hug*
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    Yes.......:crying:
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jpeople111 wrote: »
    Yes.......:crying:
    Feel free to talk about it if you want to *hug*
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    ive been grounded - my parents got a letter from college today saying that they have a meeting with my tutor this thursday because of my behaviour, only that because i am struggling so much with my mental health and i sit in class sometimes and do nothing and at least twice a week i skip lessons because everything just gets too much for me :(
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do they know about you struggling? It doesn't seem very fair for them to ground you because of that. I totally get what you mean with college - sometime's stuff does get way too much and I just can't be there. Hope you're okay lovely :heart:
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    They do know that im struggling but they only think im struggling a little bit but im really struggling so much that i cry and get so stressed and sometimes walk out of lessons.
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jpeople111 wrote: »
    Hi Hannah,

    Yes im feeling a bit better, its a great place to offload things and talk things through plus childline counsellors always seem to be so nice and yes i am not looking forward to turning 19.....got a while yet because i turn 19 in December so got plenty of time.

    I would consider talking to my parents but i know they would just make a fuss and i will end up being centre of attention which i hate so much and life is shit because ive been bullied twice at college since 2016 started and my mental health is all over the place, college is so stressful to the point where i get home and just go to bed and teachers are getting pissed off with me because i cant do the work even though i ask for help.....i dont know and lastly i cant seem to let go of the past, i lost a really close friend to suicide back in May and sometimes i sit in lessons at college and do nothing all lesson and just think about it.

    Hi.
    I am glad to read that you were feeling better after having had your chat on Childline. Wow, you have got a long time left. I turned 19 this week and am missing CL so much! But hey, gotta be done.

    Do staff at your college know about any of this Hun?

    How are you feelingx

  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    Yes all my teachers know about what happened but they dont know why some lessons i just dont do any work and just sit staring into space.....i guess i should tell them, at the moment i am feeling really ill as ive got a horrible cold but im also feeling really upset and in one of those types of moods where you just feel/get so frustrated by the smallest of things and end up moaning at everyone for the smallest annoying things that they do.........i guess its also because i havent been sleeping at all recently, well i get like 4 hours of sleep a night because my mind just wont switch off plus stressing and worrying about alot of things.
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey,
    it's good that they know what happened are aware of things a little.I suggest you do try speaking to them about this in more detail though as your college may put specific support in place for you which can help you holistically.

    Sorry to hear you've got a cold-The weather and temperatures are pretty much crazy at the moment!Have you taken painkillers for this?

    I understand you are not getting a lot of sleep at night recently however 4 hours of sleep a night is pretty good, although not enough.I only get around 1-2 hours altogether a night.I've been like that for years though so something else of which I'm very used to...

    What are the main things you're worrying about?

    Hannah x
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    Hello Hannah,

    Yes i think that would the best idea otherwise i think my teachers at college would just think that im getting increasingly lazy and that my behaviour is getting worse and yes i have been taking pain killers - i still feel like crap, i'll see how i feel tomorrow but i might take a day off college.

    The main things im worrying about is meeting my new counsellor, taking out my stress,anger and upset out on myself, my parents and teachers not understanding me, feeling like this forever and never being able to let go of the past (the death of my friend).
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiya,
    Exactly! I am really pleased to see that you have decided that is the best idea. If your teachers at college are aware/more aware then they would more than likely be understanding, supportive and put additional support in place for you. They will certainly not see you as lazy if you speak to them about it. They wouldn't at all. Sorry to hear you feel like crap. Okay, if you decide to take a day off of college tomorrow then maybe you could ring them or email your teachers/tutor to explain the situation before returning back?

    You will not feel like this forever, you really won't.I understand you feel worried about those people not understanding you however I think you will be pleasantly surprised if you were to speak to and confide in them and see how much they do actually care, understand and support you.

    It is hard when a close friend/relative passes away-I've also experienced this a lot, as have most/many others too. I'm wondering how you've tried to deal with this until now?x
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    Hello Hannah,

    My friend took his own life so its made it a lot harder and i havent been coping very well at all, lets just say that its good that im still here and im safe............ive been down to some extreme lows, im currently on anti depressants to help with my mood which helps a bit but i still go to college where im supposed to work and some days i do no work and just think about my friend - he wasnt just a friend he was my boyfriend, i feel like im too blame for him going, i feel like i could of helped him, i guess i am just a shit girlfriend.
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear more about that, is it solely the death of your friend which led you that or are there other reasons and causes for It too?

    Please don't think about it in that way-he would not want you to feel that it was your fault, or that you were a shit girlfriend. In fact, I'm sure he would feel the opposite to that Hun. Stay strong-We're always here for you x
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    Thank you Hannah for this.........there are other reasons such as getting heavily bullied at college which thankfully ive now sorted and feeling like my parents are just throwing me to one side because im the non academic one and my sister is really academic and is like an A* student.......like its made me feel like im not a good enough daughter.
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand this all too well.I really do.Is your sister younger or older than you?I am sure your parents are not trying to deliberately make you feel that way.

    That's okay xx
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    Me and my sister are twins so we are the same age, well..........im 17 minutes older than her, i never let her forget that :)
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    I'm ever so sorry to hear about your boy friend, JPeople. Nobody deserves to suffer loss, an it's one of the most difficult things anyone has to go through. It's such a traumatic thing, it's no wonder aspects of life are being affected, you need to allow yourself to grieve. However, you are not at all to blame, he made the choice, he fought a battle he could no longer fight, and sadly people people do think it's the only option, the only way out, and often even talking about whats going on or getting support won't stop an individual when their dead set on it, but it sounds as though in the moments you were a good friend, however you are strong for still going, and taking steps to help yourself in recovery, by talking to helplines, by talking to therapists, talking on here, and taking medication - It's shows an extraordinany amount of courage.

    How is support for mental health going at the moment? Does it help being able to talk to people and having that shoulder to lean on? Do keep us updated on how things are going for you, and no matter what, remember we are ALWAYS here for you :heart:

    EDIT: Just realized there have been 5 responses before I posted this reply.

    Sister wise though, me and my sister aren't twins, but we are 10 months apart, often we forget that we have strenghs in different area's, for example, my sister was academic, I was the one who was creative and active. Often when we compare ourselves with others we focus on the things there good at rather than what we are good at ourselves. However, not being academic doesn't make you an awful daughter, or anything of the sort, just shows you that siblings aren't identicial, even twins, we all have our strenghs, what are you better at than your sister?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ah okay, bless you.Are you able to confide in your sister at all then,especially as you are twins?

    WhispersOfTheHeart-I'm curious, how is there just 5 months between you and your sister?:s x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jpeople - are you getting any support in regards to your boyfriends' death?
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    I'm ever so sorry to hear about your boy friend, JPeople. Nobody deserves to suffer loss, an it's one of the most difficult things anyone has to go through. It's such a traumatic thing, it's no wonder aspects of life are being affected, you need to allow yourself to grieve. However, you are not at all to blame, he made the choice, he fought a battle he could no longer fight, and sadly people people do think it's the only option, the only way out, and often even talking about whats going on or getting support won't stop an individual when their dead set on it, but it sounds as though in the moments you were a good friend, however you are strong for still going, and taking steps to help yourself in recovery, by talking to helplines, by talking to therapists, talking on here, and taking medication - It's shows an extraordinany amount of courage.

    How is support for mental health going at the moment? Does it help being able to talk to people and having that shoulder to lean on? Do keep us updated on how things are going for you, and no matter what, remember we are ALWAYS here for you :heart:

    EDIT: Just realized there have been 5 responses before I posted this reply.

    Sister wise though, me and my sister aren't twins, but we are 10 months apart, often we forget that we have strenghs in different area's, for example, my sister was academic, I was the one who was creative and active. Often when we compare ourselves with others we focus on the things there good at rather than what we are good at ourselves. However, not being academic doesn't make you an awful daughter, or anything of the sort, just shows you that siblings aren't identicial, even twins, we all have our strenghs, what are you better at than your sister?


    Firstly thank you for the lovely message WhispersOfTheHeart,
    I only currently have the support of my GP with my mental health at the moment and that is going well, i was supposed to be meeting someone from my local community mental health team on saturday but sadly had to reschedule so seeing them 2 weeks on saturday instead and yes it definitely helps having someone to talk to and someone that always has my back.

    There are not many things that im better than my sister at but i would say that im better with technology such as computers, camera's, filming, editing and i dont know if this is a skill but im alot better at saving money and not spending it all in one go, im quite a independent person as well.
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster

    Hi Hannah,

    My sister would only just get worried and then go and tell my mum plus we are not very close so i reckon it would be hard so id rather not tell her, plus i wouldnt want her to feel bad as well.
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
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