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I'm Helpless

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
So i was born in a small town in Northern California called Eureka, when I started elementary school I made a lot severe tantrums like hitting my head on the wall, I was diagnosed with Autism at age 5 because of that where I was put into Special Education, I started sending offensive emails to my teachers at age 10, I entered Middle School, where I was bullied because of being of Mexican descent & being autistic, which I left the school after hitting a teacher aide with a backpack, that summer I started talking about race because of all the bullying I received, I started claiming to be of Spanish heritage, I started High school, Freshman year was terrible I almost got into a fight with a a guy across the school, I was arrested & taken to juvie, I was released 2 hours later, In 2014 I started kicking cars, In march 2014, I threw a big rock at a car, It cost my folks a lot of money, I was taken to the Hospital, I was back there twice in May 2014, I threw rocks at cars a lot of times that year, In 2015, the first half of the year was ok, but this half has been terrible, I been going on racial forums posting about myself, I been lazy, lacking sleep, & making enemies

I seen therapists, psychs, took meds, none of those help, I can't help myself, sometimes I don't see what's the point of living.

Comments

  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hi there,

    From what you've told us here it's been a really rough few years - you're aware of how things have gone wrong for you and even though you had a good start to 2015, you can see how things have started to slide in the second half of the year. It sounds like you'd prefer for things to be different but you haven't had much success from the support options available to you so far. You're also struggling to see a point to life at times. All of this is understandably very hard to deal with.

    Just a few questions if you don't mind. Firstly - when you say the first half of 2015 was OK, why do you think that is - are there certain things you were doing that were going well? Or were there people in your life you could really relate to?

    Secondly, are there things that you really like about yourself and what are they?

    As you're based in the States I'm going to give you some info about some sites that might have some better local insights than us. But I also wanted to let you know about MyVoice. It's a website created by a UK charity called Ambitious About Autism and it's specifically designed by young people for other young people. I'm not sure how you feel about Autism as you haven't said much about it, but sometimes it can be helpful to relate to others who may identify with your situation. Here's the link: https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/understanding-autism/are-you-age-16-25-and-on-the-spectrum/myvoice

    Look forward to hearing back from you :)

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well in the first half I was more organized doing more things around the community, there was a couple of incidents as well, but now I been at home at my computer doing nothing.
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Ahh I see, that makes sense. Are there things in the community you'd like to be involved with again?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes, i would love to be involved with more things, like I did volunteering, went bowling, went to the gym, I even put all of those in my phone schedule, but I now I fell into lazyness that I'm at home because of my internet addiction, But I would love to go back to doing those things again/

    I also been a lot of stress because of listening to really loud music, like techno.
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,428 Part of The Furniture
    I think Helen has said it all, but just wanted to offer you *hug*s and I hope things start to improve for you :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    thealan360 wrote: »
    Yes, i would love to be involved with more things, like I did volunteering, went bowling, went to the gym, I even put all of those in my phone schedule, but I now I fell into lazyness that I'm at home because of my internet addiction, But I would love to go back to doing those things again/

    I also been a lot of stress because of listening to really loud music, like techno.


    It can be really hard when you break good habits to succumb to the comfort of the indoors - but I think what you're finding is that even though it's initially comfortable, the pleasure wanes when you remember what you're missing out on. It sounds like you got to a really good place before and perhaps it feels sometimes like you should just be able to flip back to that. Often though it can take time and be a gradual process. Perhaps you could identify one of the things to schedule back into your life as a first step? Which of those things - volunteering/bowling/gym are you most itching to get back to?

    I can see how listening to lots of techno could provoke feelings of stress over time - do you have a preference for electronic music in general? Perhaps there are some bands you could try that are electro but not stressful - something like 'Explosions in the Sky'? Just an idea though and that might not be your thing at all.
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