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I got some news last week relating to my previous experiences of living with my biological mum and going into foster care, I thought that by hearing the truth it might help ease a lot of pain and anger that I've felt for years... it didn't help, instead my unwell brain instantly jumped to the conclusion that if my mum had tried so hard and failed, that I would too. Since then I haven't been able to shift this massive weight in my chest, I wake up feeling exhausted and have no motivation to do anything (like wash, leave the house etc.) I think the entire experience of my daughter staying with my mum instead of my partner and I has broken my heart and I don't think I can come back from it. I don't even know what to do any more and I seem to keep slipping backwards in regards to stopping drinking. It seems to me that I lack the will power to get better and it's making me wonder why I bother trying. I can't ask for hospital admission because it's used against me. Either way. I feel like I'm on the verge of full blown snapping and I don't know what I'm going to do when that happens... any advice on how to get help without social work knowing would be ideal