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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I actually want to cry. It's stupid really because I don't actually know how this appointment is going to go but I'm freaking out because they've been so strict regarding my medication recently. All of my workers are off this week or usually I'd have my support worker to help me. I managed to get hold of one of her colleagues because I know her but I feel stupid asking her to come with me - as though I should get a grip and act like an adult. I actually don't know how I will cope if they take even just painkillers off me, let alone propanalol.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Butterfly123,

    I understand how you are feeling though I want you to know how brave you are for agreeing to visit the doctors. I imagine it must be hard not having all of those in your support network there(I say imagine because I wouldn't know as I have no support!)but I'm wondering if there is anyone else who you can talk to?

    If you feel you need someone to go with you then that is okay and there is nothing wrong with that at all.

    What exactly is it for, can I ask?

    Hannah
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Medication review app because doctors are fucking stupid since my GP left and everyone is out to get me. I was in hospital in august. I'm over it, so everyone else needs to get the fuck over it. "I'm just trying to help you". No you're not, you're controlling me. I know what I need, I know my life better than anyone possibly could. And I'm sick to death of this stupid rule where I have to fill in a form every couple of days to make sure I get a new prescription in time - tired enough of it that in fact I can take control back and just give up with all of this stupid hassle.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Medication review app because doctors are fucking stupid since my GP left and everyone is out to get me. I was in hospital in august. I'm over it, so everyone else needs to get the fuck over it. "I'm just trying to help you". No you're not, you're controlling me. I know what I need, I know my life better than anyone possibly could. And I'm sick to death of this stupid rule where I have to fill in a form every couple of days to make sure I get a new prescription in time - tired enough of it that in fact I can take control back and just give up with all of this stupid hassle.

    Hun, they are not out to get to you at all-They are there to help you and try to do what's best and most appropriate for you.I understand how you feel but please try to listen to what they say,. they are helping you xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How are they helping me? It's bullshit and I don't trust them. Surely that says something. The majority of people are against me, not that I blame anyone - I'm a terrible person. But I know how I want to live my life. That should count for something yet it doesn't seem to.
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Sending *hug* s butterfly.

    Sounds like your struggling to trust your professionals..... its natural to feel that way Butterfly- seems like you are feeling particularly vulnerable and so I think I can see why you would feel this way.

    You mentioned you know how you want to live your life, can I ask what it is that you want? Perhaps, you could communicate this to your workers and GP- you definitely have a right to be involved in your own care. Have you ever considered getting an advocate (if you haven't already)? Its only a suggestion, but perhaps it may help you to get your point across.

    Best Wishes :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Butterfly,

    I'm sorry to hear you've been having a tough time trusting your doctors recently, and that you don't feel you've been getting enough support from them. What is it that makes you feel that people are against you?

    You might find it useful to have a look at some of the advice in this article, if you are not happy with your doctor.

    As apandav says, you are entitled to be involved in decisions about your care. It might be worth speaking with your support worker when she is back, to help you discuss what's on your mind with your doctor? It's okay to have your support worker as a chaperone if that makes you feel more comfortable :)

    Let us know how you're doing *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How are they helping me? It's bullshit and I don't trust them. Surely that says something. The majority of people are against me, not that I blame anyone - I'm a terrible person. But I know how I want to live my life. That should count for something yet it doesn't seem to.

    You are not a terrible person-Not at all!

    They are helping you with your care and needs though you have the legal right for the say in that too.

    Hope you're doing okay, still xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I appreciate all of your replies guys and I'll reply properly later. I just need to quickly post right now because I'm feeling really anxious. I'm a mess, I'm about to down quite a bit of whiskey, I'm on the verge of tears and I want to see the nurse I get on with at the GP surgery but I'm freaking out because knowing me, I'll walk in and then I'll just cry as soon as the receptionist says something and I don't want to do that :( I can't handle this shit though. There's so much stuff going on and I simply hate myself. The doctors are fucking idiots. I've always got on with this nurse but last time I was meant to see her, I failed to turn up because I was drunk and had overdosed so she called the police because I'd been sobbing on the phone to her not long before that. I just want help but I feel like such a failure when I get so upset.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi butterfly,

    I hope you're feeling a bit better today. It sounds like your thoughts were racing when you posted yesterday.

    it's good to hear that you have found a nurse that you get on with at the GP surgery, it's okay that you feel emotional when you see her, that sounds like a sign that you trust her and feel able to let your guard down which is a really important connection to be able to make. It's okay to cry if you need to and when you're feeling overwhelmed.

    You say you want help but that you feel like a failure - getting help is rarely a smooth and easy journey and there will be hiccups and massive hurdles along the way. This nurse sounds like she cares and is looking out for you. Those people are real gems :yes:

    Do you think you can do something to help you relax and take a break from all the negative thoughts today?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for replying Jojo. I had a bit of a shitty day then but I guess I'm over it. I'm so upset with myself though. I've just seen my social worker and she said that on the wednesday when I had a bad evening, apparently I rang my support worker and said I was going to do some really extreme things to myself so that I didn't have to live anymore. I never say stuff like that, I can't get over the fact I lost absolutely all control and put so much pressure on my support worker even though I drank to try and escape for a bit. I don't remember saying that stuff at all. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm screaming for help and people are trying to help me, but when the fuck am I going to get to a place where I can help myself? It's absolutely horrible that the thing I turn to doesn't actually help me but I'm stuck. Now I can't stop crying and I fucking hate crying.
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