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Confused by my Moods

Sorry I feel like I post quite a lot on here, I just don't have anyone to confide in or ask advice from in my personal life. This is the only place I can talk so freely about everything and not feel judged.

Recently my moods have been everywhere. I just don't know where I stand. One minute I feel like things are getting better then the next suddenly I'm misreable. Sometimes I look back on my posts on here and I feel confused, why one minute am I feeling really upbeat and the next I'm posting about how misreable I am. It doesn't make sense, I don't understand it and people probably think it's impossible....... Why does one minute she post something happy the next misreable. Well I can't answer that, as I don't know. I tend to vent a lot on here but it's because I have no where else to go. I don't want to be an inconvenience but to be honest I feel that way.

I don't know where I stand. Maybe it's the antidepressants starting to take hold but other times my mind is just to overpowering. That's another think I literally can't stop thinking........ I've always been a deep thinker. Like as I type this I'm typing my thoughts , typing what my voice says aloud in my head. Well this is an example of how I think. Not just about this but everything, I analyse conversations, repeat them in my head, imagine different sceanarios. I daydream far too much. The other day I walked into a guy as I didn't realise I was in deep thought and staring at the ground ......until it was too late. I've almost accidently walked out in front of cars as I'm thinking too much. It's like I'm there as i can do things, but I'm not there as in my minds everywhere. I'm constantly thinking, even when I'm doing simple things such as brushing my teeth or doing anything, I always think. I just can't get away from my mind.

Also my moods have been really wacky, like one minute I feel like I'm on cloud 9, I want to just get up and dance and I feel like I'm very hyper. The next I'm misreable, thinking what's the point in life, imagining worst case scenarios etc. I was quite down for a while before I started antidepressants (which are also to ease anxiety too), but now I'm still down a lot but I feel my moods go from one extreme to the other. Sometimes I get really impuslive and just start thinking about running away (literally, without telling anyone) and start looking up places I could stay online. Then I think later don't be so stupid Amanda. I can't even explain things clearly, I'm going round in circles..... I'm confused.

Also sometimes I feel I tend to overreact to situations then afterwards I realise it. Like eg. Get annoyed with friends, think they don't care and then i feel guilty, like a horrible person. Then the next I think wow I'm so lucky to have them as friends. It's not just that, sometimes I feel like I don't care about people I should care about. Like I just get sick of seeing Facebook messages from people (when it's all just general nice chat) I just want them to go away, I avoid replying, then when I do I pretend to act normal (but if I saw them in reality I'd worry about my expressions). I just feel I want to be alone. Then I feel like sometimes I no longer love my parents as I feel I don't care, I'm going to run away to get away from them. Then later on I feel sad that I felt that way, I feel really guilty and confused.

Other times I feel really lonely and wish I had people around me (I have no siblings and often spend most of my free time alone in my room).

Then sometimes I feel like I know what I want my life to become and other times I'm like I have no clue. I get really down and think my life will end up a disaster and start to think what's the point. One minute I'm looking forward to university, the next I'm like what the point I can't be bothered with it.

Recently, I feel I've just been trying to pass time in life- counting down the hours until the day is over and then waking up and repeating.

I'm just so overwhelmed. Therapy is ending next week so I will be all alone, I'm still on antidepressants but still I have no support. I thought about using my friends as support but thinking about it I can't. They don't understand, and will only pity me, that's not what I want!!!

Mums getting really annoyed with me recently as she thinks I'm getting lazy. But she doesn't understand, I just don't have the energy or willpower to tidy my room. I'm forcing myself to go out to look normal often. And then she's like you need to pre-plan, I can't believe you've not even looked out an outfit or went to the bank etc etc. but why would I if I don't even want to go. I'm so disorganised, things are piling up. I used to be be super organised, do everything straight away etc. - and now I'm the complete opposite. I can't even be bothered to make an effort, I used to enjoy getting dressed up to go out, but now it's the case of quickly slap some make up on to make it look like you've made an effort (To be honest I've stopped wearing it most of the time, I don't care if my skins breaking out, I just don't have the energy). It's hard to explain. This makes me question who am I?

Lots of changes happening in my life next month, my life will change completely. I'm not ready, I feel ill at the thought of meeting people at uni and big groups.

Sorry it started off as one post and I've just went on a rant about everything. I just need to let it out..........

I don't know what to do :(
After writing this I feel so frustrated, why can't things just work out ugh....... I feel overwhelmed


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Let's just say first that this forum is so darned good that you can post as much as you like. I like your posts and reckon others do, too. Been reading what you have been writing and think that it must have taken a lot of courage to share what you did. And you carry on sharing, because you are giving courage to others. Like me.

    Until recently I've lead a solitary life, but taking the dog for his walkies helped enormously because the exercise made me feel a lot better. Even a twenty minute walk round the park as exercise is good for releasing feel good endorphins, triggering a more positive mindset in me. After only a fortnight I found this regular exercise something to look forward to very much, and Mr Wagalot seemed to enjoy himself, occasionally stopping to look up and wag his tail even more. Other times I sat on the beach and smoked a cig, enjoying the sound of the sea on the shingle, and Jack leaning into me. It was this exercise that got me back into rejoining my fencing club. The only problem is, it's in Paris. :rolleyes:

    So anyway, how about you go for a walk? Time yourself. Come home feeling better; I know you will. Unless it's raining cats n dogs, mind. :p

  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    That makes me feel so much better about sharing.....Im glad you are feeling more confident about it!

    Thanks for sharing, I'll bet Mr Wagalot enjoyed it just as much as you! Honestly that's so inspiring, I should take my doggies out for walkies more often. Oh fencing sounds cool...... It's good that you found an outlet!

    I will give it a shot next time I'm overwhelmed or low! It's the motivation that's tricky, but I'll try. Lol yeah, if I avoided it every time it was raining I'd never go out......... I live in Scotland lol :p but as my therapist says, stick on a rain jacket and some trainers and just go explore lol ........ We will see what happens!
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