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Hey BananaMonkey,
Not feeling my best at all, feeling down and don't have the energy to do anything!
I just don't feel I'm anywhere near ready, I've had 4 sessions, got 2 left but don't feel that's enough
I just don't know what I want from life anymore, I keep thinking what's the point in everything. Why am I so negative, it's pathetic. Then I try and look at my CBT books and I just can't do it!
Really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
Do you think you could have a chat to your therapist about how your feeling about therapy ending? I guess it's about being honest with how your feeling about it all.
It's not pathetic that your feeling negative it's normal to struggle and be negative sometimes. Your not alone.
Keep posting, we care about you
I've been thinking a lot about telling her, I just worry a lot about what she will say. Still don't know how I will do it!
Plus my mums on holiday when my medication runs out so I have to hide me going to GP from her (we live in same house). So I booked an appointment for the 14th, to see the doctor who prescribed them to me in the first place. Luckily my GP appointment is an hour before my therapy appointment so I'm planning on lying to my mum and saying my therapy is at 9:30am. Pretend I got mixed up and say I just went to the shops whilst I was waiting. I so hope my mum doesn't offer me a lift, so I could say I'm thinking of looking at shops after my appointment. So plan is GP at 9:30, therapy at 10:30. The health centre is close to GP surgery so I will definitely make it on time.
I'm also nervous about therapy too! I won't have seen her in a month or 3 weeks (if I include the last minute assesment). It's also my second last appointment with her. I don't feel I'm ready to finish therapy!!!
It's totally normal to be a bit nervous before seeing a GP - but they are there to help you, if you can see them like that - then it might help calm the butterflies a little bit :yes:
It can feel very tricky when you know a support avenue like therapy is coming to an end - it can be a scary thought. If you can, you could mention your thoughts/fears to your therapist and they might have some tips/advice on what things you could do to help make the adjustment that bit easier for you :yes:
Let us know how it all goes - thinking of you! *hug*
Thanks for the reply Tamsinjo!
Wish it was easier said than done
I think I need to mention that I'm nervous about therapy ending. I really hope I'm brave enough to do it!
I really want to ask the GP what's the plan, like how long should I expect to stay on the medication. That's what I really want to know, but I'm very scared to ask!
Thank you, will do
Right as I write this I had thoughts in my head, words screaming out, had the urge to type it but then I realise it would break the rules if I said what I heard myself shout in my fucking head.
My life almost fell apart today, thank fuck someone told me about it or my next year would have been complete utter shit, I would have been a fuckinf embarrassment!
I just want to be alone, I feel to grumpy to be around people
I got one of the tasks finished yesterday but I practically rushed through it at the end, I was tired so probably made mistakes, but fuck this she can read them first, I'm leaving this role on Thursday anyways.
In amongst that I'm weary of my colleagues judging me, thinking why am I sitting on the computer half the time. Well they can get to fuck, speak to the manager, she gave me all this work
It sounds like there is quite a lot running around your head just now, is that right?
I know it can be hard to see things a certain way - that people are there and are trying to help you. So much is easier said than done, I quite agree, but sometimes being brave and asking a GP about their vision for the future, for you, and what they can see happening - could provide you with some reassurance. It's a big step - and I wonder how things went, and if you managed to ask your GP about any of the above?
It sounds like work is another big stressor in your life, and so perhaps in leaving the job you are in now, you are doing something for yourself, taking yourself away from a source of worry, that makes things worse for you, not better. I know from experience that sometimes, once people know you are leaving, they tend to load you up with work. It's not great, but if you can keep your thoughts focused on your leaving date, then that may help you get through the added workload. You won't have to worry about any of that for much longer. :yes:
I wonder if there are any other worry models you could look at if the worry tree isnt working? Have you thought about allowing yourself a certain amount of time each day for worrying - like 5-10mins at the end of each day, to have an anxiety venting session - but through the rest of the day, when you feel the urge to worry about something, you say to yourself - nope, going to think about that late, I have something else to deal with right now? Do you think that may work for you?
Hope you're ok - please keep posting and updating us *hug*
Yeah, I just feel like I have so much on my mind right now it's overwhelming. Some of its just lots small short term stresses building up, other worries are much bigger eg. About life, the future, how I will cope etc. I'm at that worst when all the worries come flooding in, I feel that sometimes one worry turns into a lot at once, I get overwhelmed so much so I probably forget what I'm worrying about in the first place and just feel all agitated and restless.
I honestly agree with you, I think reassurance is what I need. Hopefully if I get past the worry of asking, then things will be a lot better with answers. I've not spoke to my GP yet at all as my appointment is this Friday. So hopefully things work out, just don't know how I'll feel on the day that's the thing!
I'm glad you said that about how when leaving people tend to load up the workload. Plus I think it's also as my colleague is on holiday two weeks (whilst I've left) so she probably wants a lot done before then. I'm leaving tomorrow so not long now, I know it feels good knowing it won't be my problem anymore. I'm still going to be working in the same place under a zero hours contract (so I don't have to work at all for months ect. But can choose to work the odd shift if they need cover) but I'm going back to my old role (it's completely different) and I feel it's less stressful as my day is pre-planned for me and there is a lot of people with the same role (compared to my other role it was just me and another guy, we had a lot of responsibility and organisation too , which I won't have in the other job). But anyways that means all this stuff I won't have to worry about
That's a good point, I never though about it that way. I guess your right there's not one fix for everyone. Guess I need to try to find the most helpful method for me. I have heard of that model you are talking about from some of my therapy books. I haven't tried it as it wouldn't have worked the days I was working (due to shift times, finishing late, didn't want to have worry time right before bed), but now I'm leaving I guess it's worth a try. Sounds tricky to be honest!
I've also got therapy the same day as my GP appointment (this Friday). I'll speak to my therapist about the methods etc. and see what she says. I can't beilive I have 2 sessions left of therapy, feeling very anxious about this, don't feel ready to be alone
Thanks
GP appointment- I'm asked her how long I will you expect me to stay on antidepressants for? Her reply was - "normally it's 1 year to 18months as antidepressants take a while to take effect, but it really depends on the individual as some it's 10months vs long term for others. But we try to get young people off as soon as possible!"
I asked her can they make you hyper? (I feel this way sometimes). She said not usually, but it could be a symptom of the anxiety itself. She said it may cause restlessness and agitation and i think it has in the past. But she says this normally tends to go away once the person starts to get used to the medication.
She asked me how things were going etc. and gave me my next prescription. Which is now a weekly instead of fortnightly prescription due to the "incident" (don't know what to call it) and a CPN advised it was reduced. And now I have to order a prescription every week
I never had the guts to ask what is this "illness" that everyone's talking about(I'm going to talk about this again in the next paragraph or 2) ? I also never had the guts to ask what happens after CBT but from what she said I'm guessing it is continue with medication for a while.
CBT appointment: well my CPN mentioned "depression" during therapy. When talking about something she said it's a part of "depression". Thing is she helps me with anxiety too, as I have been struggling with not only anxiety but low mood. So I'm not sure, does this mean I have depression? It sounds like it does but can I be sure if no one has actually said "we diagnose you with......."? Hmm....... I don't know?
We talked about lots of stuff, she asked me about family, the incident, if I'm still having thoughts, different scenarios of my worries.
We have made an action plan - to stop worrying during the day and wait until worry time (20mins each night), to keep myself distracted, to get my university stationary and photo (part of distraction), and to go back to the gym (I am a member but haven't been in 6months!!!!). Hmm lets see how this goes. She is right , "it is my life", I need to live more and to do so stop worrying all the time.
I did tell her things have improved since I last saw her (that's the truth) but she seemed a bit annoyed when I told her about the terrorist attack worry, and that I dodn't want to leave the house on Saturday because of it. She was like "so you just contradicted yourself, by saying things have improved but yet you are telling me that you don't want to leave the house". I said "no, I said I don't want to leave the house on Saturday". She started saying we can't predict this but you can't let these things stop you. We can't predict the future. She told me how personally, she wouldn't let that take over her life and then told me a story of her experiences of a previous job (which is same idea as my other worry).
Then she summarised what we had agreed. I kept on saying "yeah" and she was like " do you mean if? Your not just saying it to get me off your back are you?" I said no, as that was the truth.
So far worry time hasn't gone so great, I keep worrying. Also keeping my thinking to the here and now is difficult. She did say it's a foreign concept, you are still learning so give it time.
Nurse says I'm making progress with CBT and that it will take time. But not long until it's just down to me alone to cope...... One therapy session left
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I feel so alone, I have no one in my personal life I can confide in!
Sick of mum moaning at me, I need to go out with friends but I don't want to (putting on an act that everything's okay with my parents, already missed last time). Mums like your so disorganised blah blah, she doesn't understand I'm not in the mood, I have no energy to make an effort...... Can't be bothered with make up etc! Buts she's right I'm becoming very disorganised recently but it's cause I have little energy and motivation, I keep pushing things back and back and back! Honestly I just want to jump on a train and run away, I've been seriously considering it, I just want to get away from everyone and life! I feel guilty but that's the way I am. Probably won't end up doing it though as I've had those thoughts a lot but never acted on them. But if things get worse I don't know what I'm going to do!
Occasionally my mood picks up, but it's probably just the medication. But it's not enough. I just can sense things are going to get worse, life will be crap, so what's the point!
Sorry for the rant, I just need it