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am i really soooo ugly...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all
ok... rant coming up here...
for those of you who don't know... I'm a 27 year old guy, and never had a gf...
I don'[t a very close friend of mine a few weeks ago that I really liked her.. thought she might feel the same... but I got the standard response of...'I don't really want a relationship right now, i'm really screwed up'...
Thing is: just been out with her and a few other friends.... of course she's all over 'Mr Gorgeous', who she's known just a little while...
She was obviously just giving me a line...But am I so repulsive to girls? Am i really that ugly...? I really thought there was some kind of something going on with me and her...
I think the sooner I just give up on women, the happier I'll be...
ok... rant coming up here...
for those of you who don't know... I'm a 27 year old guy, and never had a gf...
I don'[t a very close friend of mine a few weeks ago that I really liked her.. thought she might feel the same... but I got the standard response of...'I don't really want a relationship right now, i'm really screwed up'...
Thing is: just been out with her and a few other friends.... of course she's all over 'Mr Gorgeous', who she's known just a little while...
She was obviously just giving me a line...But am I so repulsive to girls? Am i really that ugly...? I really thought there was some kind of something going on with me and her...
I think the sooner I just give up on women, the happier I'll be...
0
Comments
Mr_Wobble
1. noone is ugly, there is someone for everyone
2. stop looking and they will come
3. your just going for the wrong type of girls
4. women are shit anyway, learn to play an instrument.
anymore people??
Ha ha i havent heard that one before. i might use that advice for some of my friends...
I don't think it's totally about looks: it's about confidence and a state-of-mind plus that all-important personality. If, for instance, you are confident, positive and generally forward-thinking with a hint of humour and varied life experience, you'll appeal to more people, mainly because you'll probably be more happy and interesting. In contrast, if you are worried about yourself (the 'I am not good-looking' mentality, for example), depressed and perhaps not particularly happy, you probably will not.
I think that you, like everyone, should not go out of your way to look for a girlfriend; instead, wait until a suitable one occurs. But how will you meet these people? Join clubs, go to college, work, a dating agency - the options are limited only by your imagination and your willingness and happiness to put in the effort to do other things.
I sincerely believe that the best relationships are formed from previously being good friends rather than meeting in a club or a pub.
Thanks for all your posts... and sorry for the tone of my original post... I was a bit drunk last night, and fairly pissed off too... I just wanted to let 'someone' know how I felt. Letting off steam I guess. :rolleyes:
D'OHnut (or anyone else): This is the thing that confuses me: I am fairly confident, and a generally happy guy when I am around people. I have quite a few friends, and meet new people quite often. I get on really well with virtually everyone I meet, and have had a few close friendships with girls, who I then try to move the relationship further with, but get rejected every time.
So I don't think my personality is the problem. So I'm beginning to think that my looks are the problem.
I'm 27 ffs! You'd think by now I would have met someone who fancies me!
"I think that you, like everyone, should not go out of your way to look for a girlfriend; instead, wait until a suitable one occurs. But how will you meet these people? Join clubs, go to college, work, a dating agency - the options are limited only by your imagination and your willingness and happiness to put in the effort to do other things."
I think you should increase your chances by meeting a lot of new people.
If you aren't willing for it to occur naturally, perhaps join a dating agency. I would if I were you! After all, why do people join such agencies? To get a partner!
Because I think people I know may read on these boards... and I really don't want to let on about my lack of 'success' to them.
I have enough problems dealing with it myself, without all of my friends (apart from those that I have told) knowing...
its not all about looks ya know:p
Pussss..y I mean birds are vain, looks matter alot to them, but also they do need to be stimulated in the mind.
That's why I give them Red Bull and vodka, It stimulates the mind and makes em short sighted, So looks no longer matter (which is handy for me for obvious reasons!)
I was going to tell you a story about me .....and women, but I realise that in my drunken state right now it might not go down too well. You're a big boy (Or so I've heard
You know most women, on the whole are no better than us blokes, They have goals that they want met before they date/go out with a man (yes, these can be overlooked some of the time!) *No doubt all the bints with bf's will have fun quoting this and saying how wrong I am*
This bint you like was no doubt fancying 'Mr Gorgeous' cos he was cool, calm and said what he wanted! He didn't give a toss about what she thought and perhaps your lady friend in her "screwed up" way wanted this. Least than she knows where she stands.
You should have a look on these dating sites that are around and other places to find women, least once you meet a new ones that you don't know, you can be a bit of an asshole and then they'll like you for it. Piece of piss:p
And people wonder why I'm single!:p :crazyeyes
LMAO. Yes they are. My relationships last for a long time, actually.
i've never been in a relationship either.... i used to get really stressed about it because everyone seemed to have boyfriends and girlfriends and i had nothing. a couple of years ago i literally would have gone out with anyone who was interested, but no one was, so i didn't go out with anyone! i was a bit of a geek *cough* and was desperate for a boyfriend but as i've got older (i'm 17 now) i've become more confident in myself and pickier about who i like, which has probably made me a bit more attractive to the opposite sex. i think if you have a strong identity and are individual, you're bound to find someone who loves you for exactly who YOU are, whereas if you try to be more ike whoever else you see that's funny, confident,whatever, you're going to be sussed. if you're individual and dont try to be l,ike anyone else, the person who loves you will love you because you are you and no one else-they're not just with you because they can't get anyone better!ive gone off the subject now , but basically what im saying is be yourself and there WILL be someone who is looking for exactly the person you are, no one else. i personally don't mind not having a boyfriend and never having had a boyfriend.....i think that when i do have a boyfriend it'll be even more special because i waited and didnt just go out with someone i had lukewarm feelings for. i used to get really jealous of other people and desperately want to be like other people, to look and act like them, and when i tried to be someone else it made me look stupid, but now i wouldnt want to be anyone else...i'm not perfect, obviously , but no one is, and ive learned to accept myself and im happy with who i am, which probably makes people more attractive. now ive really gone off the subject, but i hope you know what i'm rambling about...cut me some slack, it's late and i'm tired!
Rosi: I understand a lot of what you're saying, and I pretty much felt the same as you when I was 17, thinking, oh never mind, I'll meet someone soon...
Except now it's ten years later and I still haven't met anyone. I really hope you don't have to wait too much longer...
Hi Harmless..
I think what you are saying about this guy is probably true... Maybe I should start being an arsehole... but then I wouldn't even like myself anymore, so how anyone else would like me is beyond me...
What? Decent women don't like arseholes! Arseholes attract a very similar kind of woman. NEVER change yourself for someone else!
Totally agree... I was being sarcastic!!
Yeah, that one works, just like:
"Do unto others as you wish they would do unto you" (Or however it goes)
The gist of it is you can only get sooo far being "nice" with women! They want to be treated normal right, so treat em normal. By having "off days" with them, you are actually doing them a favour. You give them something to talk & moan about with their girlie mates. Plus it keeps them on their toes and stops them getting bored
*Which brings me to my next point*
Girls getting bored with 'nice guys'
Its a big problem nice guys have, They do mean well, but end up boring the girl, hence why they either get cheated on or dumped. (Or worse, don't get the chance to go out with many girls at all!)
*I'm sure lots of people will say I'm wrong (mainly women), but ask the "nice guys" how many gf's they've had/got!*
With all drew respect, you say you wont change to please someone else, If you're 27 and really haven't had a gf I think something about you needs to change!
Talk to your women mates and get them to give you a make over or something, change the way you think about women and life, And try not to feel sorry for yourself. Things will change, just need a little push!!:)
I'm a nice guy and I've had quite a few girlfriends in pretty long relationships (like 1.5 years)! And the best thing about everyone of them was that they were clever, decent and generally very nice - not some silly bimbo who can't spell her name, hold a conversation for more than two seconds or who eats with her hands at the table because she doesn't know how to hold a knife and fork.
And with regard to changing, change for yourself, not for others. If there is something you don't like about yourself, sort it! Fat/thin? Go down the gym. I used to weigh 8 1/2 stone, now I'm nearly 10. Good confidence boost. Buy some new fashionable clothes. Get a new haircut. WHATEVER it takes for you to feel good about yourself because if you don't feel good, then your confidence will come across to women as being faked. Don't know what's fashionable? Ask that girl who turned you down to go shopping with you. She'll know.
Having done all of this myself, I've now found myself with loads of girl mates, and a great girlfriend. I've gone from being referred to as "you're a really nice guy, you know that?" to "Baby! You're a sexy beast aren't you?" I know which I prefer. I've also had to use our old favourite line "I think you're such a great friend and I wouldn't want to lose you." to a girl who I turned down because there just wasn't enough chemistry there. Just over a year ago I know I would've gone out with her in a flash. Hell, I would have fainted at a girl asking ME out! You have to realise that once you are in control of your life, and feel good about yourself on your own, great things will happen. My face looks the same as it always has. But the person inside me is completely different. I wish you all the luck in the world mate and it is an extremely difficult thing to do. But if you want it bad enough, you'll get there. Just wait until the girl you like starts playing mind games with you! You'll wish you hadn't bothered!
Anyway, that's my 50 cents and I'm sticking to it
moomog, what age group are you looking for in a girl?
How would you describe yourself as well? In order for you to gain a gf, you should think about her 'needs' & 'wants'
I think the needs and wants of women may differ a lot depending on their age, If your a trust worthy honest type of guy, you may do well with them 30ish yr old women who want to settle down and stuff (that might be jumping in at the deep end tho!):p
*Just trying to help*:p
Edit because:I was bored
I think I get what you're saying... I should be a little bit more 'opinionated'? ie when I am with my 'girl' friends and I think of a typical 'bloke' type comment (nothing too bad), I normally bite my lip and keep quiet thinking that it won't be appreciated, and they'll start to dislike me...
In fact I guess I spend so much time with girls (most of my friends are girls, and over 30 and single) I've probably almost turned into one...
As for age groups, I don't really care, if a like a girl I like her, doesn't matter if she's 20 or 35. What I'm looking for is I guess the same as most people... I'm definitely not ready to settle down yet (christ, no!), but a best friend, someone I can talk to about anything, of course kisses and cuddles... etc... But, believe it or not, sex is not the most important thing for me...although I admit that I don't really know what I am missing atm
I'm not really into dance music/clubbing and noisy pubs where you can't hear yourself think, let alone anyone else, and where it takes half an hour to get a drink, so girls I meet are normally friends of friends, in some quiet bar or cafe... I tend to get to know them with other people around first, then if I think there miht be something there I ask them out... but always get a no. Now virtually every girl I've asked about this says this is probably the best way...
Trouble is, the friend that knows lots of people is the girl I was talking about... and things are a bit wierd between us at the moment. I am trying to not to spend too much time with her at the moment. I really want to stay friends with her, have to sort my feelings about her first really, otherwise my jealosy may get the better of me and I'll say/do something I shouldn't.
As for changing me... well I don't know if you saw my other posts, but I am a definite ginger.. my feelings about my hair change from day to day: some days I'm really happy about it, some days less so. But I am not gonna dye it... I just don't think that would work at all... mainly cause I would have to dye my eyebrows too!! And I wouldn't feel right about it at all. My Mum would probably kill me too!!!!!! LOL.
I wear glasses, too, and I think a new pair would probably be a good thing. Very expensive though...
Cheers for the advice...
Just stop sounding sorry for yourself. Get a new outfit. Get a new aftershave. And get out. Go to clubs, pubs, music events, social gatherings, even church services! what the hell! just go out and find excuses to meet new people.
The more people you know, the more you get introduced to.
When you wake up every morning (or afternoon, if you're like me!) look into the mirror and say "I am confident" or "I am not ugly" say it often enough and you will most definitely believe it.
Once you believe it, others will too.
There's nothing more attractive than a guy that's confident with himself and his beliefs. So stop pussy-footing around your "girl" friends and say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Just get out there!!!!
There's always another way: Do a "Cameron" and go on big Brother, get sent to South Africa and then come back a completely different, flirty opinionated and cheeky person.. :rolleyes:
Ilora x (apologies if this post offends, It's that time of the month)
Thanks for your message... Sorry for being so depressing, but that is just how I feel at the moment about it all. It is giving a wrong impression about me though, as I am a fairly easy going, happy guy most of the time! :cool:
Yes, I know I need to change my beliefs about myself: ie I AM a good looking guy, yes my hair IS a really cool colour, etc. etc...
But it's very very hard when noone has ever given you reason to think differently. :rolleyes:
That's a very good point. I'm not exactly in the same position as you, I'm 20 and I've had a couple of girlfriends who both told me I was absolutely gorgeous etc but I've never really believed it myself. My problem is body image I think. I'm 6 '
3" and 11 stone - definitely underweight. And I'm also your archetypal "nice guy." In a way I like that though, that's who I am and I kind of feel that there must be someone out there who really goes for that, so I don't want to change my personality. I want to stay true to myself above all I think. I could do something about my body, but to be honest I can't really be arsed! Not helping myself here am I?! I feel for you, but I think you're just going to have to make an effort - it's the only way. I should take my own advice too I think.
Sorry that was a bit confused - I was working it all out as I went along.
You`re also delusional!