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Which one?!?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
NOTE: Names have been changed to protect the confused (me <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">)

Been going out with my gf, we`ll call her Claire, for about 2 months now, everything was fine up until the other day when I realised I had feelings for her best friend Lisa.
Because they slept with each other's boyfriends a while back and stayed friends, we sometimes piss about byme walking around with my arm around Lisa and Claire has her arm around Michael (Lisa`s bf). It was a laugh until I realised that I was starting to like Lisa ALOT.
I try and compare them, hoping that Claire wins but Lisa comes up trumps every time. I can`t get her out of my head and whenever I try and think of Claire, she is replaced by Lisa.
Lisa and I have alot more in common than me and Claire but I very much doubt she would seriously consider going out with me ever.
So do I get it off my chest, tell her how I feel and hope everything gets better after that, or keep it hidden and try and forget it?
I`m such a confused little Leviathan (if ure not a Farscape fan, don't even try and get that <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">)

"Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that's a tough call to make. It depends on how much you value your relationship with your current girlfriend. If you tell her that you think her best friend is better than her in every way and you want to go out with her instead, then I'm pretty sure she'll end the relationship. If you're pretty sure that the girl you fancy won't go out with you, then you'll have neither, but you'll be out in the open and if there is any chance she likes you then you'll be in luck.

    However, if you think that you have a good relationship with your current gf and think it's worth saving, then don't say anything.

    If you'd be comfortable with your gf sleeping with the other girl's bf then you might want to seriously suggest doing a switcheroo but again, that might end the relationship, and at best, you'd only have one night with the girl you fancy.

    Basically you need to run up a pros and cons list for staying in the relationship or not. Ask yourself questions like: How much do you care about your gf? Are you willing to risk everything for nothing? How much will you hurt your gf if you tell her the truth? How serious are the girl you like and her bf? etc.....

    good luck! my best advice is try to do what's best for everyone, not just yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with everything Amadee said, you will defo loose your gf if you tell her that you fancy her mate and I doubt that her mate will be as simple to get together with once the truth is out....

    You really do need to think things throughm if your relationship doesn't mean that much to you anymore then you should finish it early instead of dragging her along for the ride and it all coming crashing down.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was actually talking about telling Lisa how I feel and hope that maybe her telling me straight out that she's not interested might sort things out.
    And as for the switcheroo, that was when they were both going out with someone else and they both ended their relationships with the blokes, although that was because they continued denying anything happened even after Claire and Lisa had told each other the truth.
    Unfortunately, now its a moot point as I`ve just heard that Lisa and Michael might be engaged and she might be pregnant, dunno if its true yet.
    Guess fate has made my decision for me.

    "Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."

    [This message has been edited by Talyn (edited 18-06-2001).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Personally I would tell you to split with Claire whatever, if you fancy someone else more than her it's not fair on her to keep the relationship going. I don't know how many other people would agree with that, but it's why I split with my boyfriend, and not because there was a chance of getting together with the other guy either, because there wasn't.

    But I do agree with what amadee wrote, it's very good advice (as always <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; )
    Originally posted by amadee:
    you might want to seriously suggest doing a switcheroo but again, that might end the relationship, and at best, you'd only have one night with the girl you fancy.

    If I had this option in relation to Jack (guy I fancy) I'd jump at it, IMHO anything is better than nothing, and memories last forever....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I`d jump at it with Lisa. For all I know it might be a purely physical thing that`d disappear once I got it out of my head (or my dick, whichever is responsible for this predicament <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">)
    And very true, even if it was just a 1-niter, the memories would last forever...
    Originally posted by wildchild:
    If I had this option in relation to Jack (guy I fancy) I'd jump at it, IMHO anything is better than nothing, and memories last forever....



    "Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I'd ask Lisa if she's engaged and pregnant, that will certainly sort things out for you! If she's not, and you decide to tell her you fancy her, remember that she might tell your gf seeing as they're friends.

    Wildchild has a point that it's not fair to your gf to drag the relationship along if you fancy someone else more. However, if you're sure you have no chance with Lisa, I'd try and work on your relationship with Claire a little before you break it. It sucks to be told suddenly that you feel differently and not even try to repair the relationship beforehand (grrrrr!!!!!!!! if you hadn't guessed this just happened to me)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanx for the advice.
    Me and 'Claire' are going out with 'Lisa' and 'Michael' on Saturday so I`m bound to find out then.
    If its true then it looks like the man upstairs has made my decision for me, huh?

    "Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah. and if they are pregnant and engaged do yourself and everyone else involved a favor and bury those feelings deep. you gotta give these guys a chance to make it as a family.

    if she's not pregnant, and you really care for lisa, think hard about what you are going to do. if she's happy with michael, you have to let things run their course, even if its painful for you. you can wreck all four of your lives and lose both claire and lisa if it goes wrong. i don't know if lisa is giving you any signals, but if she isn't, then make sure you know what you about to lose if you tell lisa and she doesn't feel the same.

    and i'm also in agreement with wild and amadee. if you don't love claire, is it really fair to stay with her, especially if you are in love with someone else? you might want to think about letting her go and being honest with her as to why. she deserves that much.

    good luck dude.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If she`s pregnant, of course I`ll keep everything to myself. I`m happy for her and Michael, I just wish it was me instead of him.
    As for signals, well there was some flirting in the pub on Saturday night, but I`m not sure if it was REAL flirting or she was just pissing about cos she and Claire had been talking about the whole 'sleeping with each other's boyfriends' thing earlier and she may have just been winding Claire up. That`s really what`s got me confused.
    I`m not sure if I love either of them, all I know is I like Lisa more than Claire. Love is sort of a foreign emotion to me. I`m very careful about who I let close and to be frank, I wouldn`t know love if it came up and kicked me in the mommy-daddy button.

    "Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    Originally posted by wildchild:
    Personally I would tell you to split with Claire whatever, if you fancy someone else more than her it's not fair on her to keep the relationship going. I don't know how many other people would agree with that....

    well me for one. i agree with you 110%. *sigh*

    looks like youve got it figured out then so i have nothing more to add <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just as I thought everything had been decided for me... I found out today that Lisa isn`t pregnant or engaged to Michael.
    It was all a wind up to piss someone off and they were afraid I`d give it away as I`m friends with the person they were trying to wind up.
    I know every1 is probably sick of me by now but I still can`t decide what to do.
    Even worse, I was at my ouse with Claire today, no one around, but I felt so guilty every time she touched me. I kept finding excuses to not get close and when she noticed something wrong I just said it was something 'personal' that I had to sort out on my own.
    Please help, this is tearing me apart.

    "Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."

    [This message has been edited by Talyn (edited 19-06-2001).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think that's your conscience telling you that maybe you're not being very fair to claire.

    it's obvious that you don't feel the same for her anymore. this isn't gonna go away either. if you don't love her anymore.. then you need to let her go, otherwise, ur just using her. and that will lead to a messy messy break up.

    right now, you have a chance to walk away from this in a manner where you can at least still be friends with her.

    once you've broken with claire, you can chase lisa if you like. but if you do, you might want to consider telling claire that you are going to do that. because friends do talk, and it's gonna be worse if she finds out from lisa you broke with her to pursue lisa.

    good luck dude.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    break with claire b4 u do anything.

    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanx for the advice folks. And as much as I hate to admit it, I think you're right.

    "Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."
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