Do I tell?

Former Member

This may sound cliched, but I'd still be really grateful for some (the more the better) advice.

I'm at university, on a course with about 15 others. There's a girl who I've been friends with pretty much since the start of the year, who is also on this course.

I think I may be developing feelings for her, although I'm not certain. I don't know whether to let on, or to ask if there's any way that it could ever be more than friends, etc, as I don't want to put her in an embarrassing/tricky situation, or to put her off. I value her friendship so don't want to undermine it.

I've not noticed her flirting, although I wouldn't notice flirting if it hit me in the face...

So my question is, do I tell her or keep quiet, and if I should tell her, how should I do it?

Thank you all in advance!

Former Member

hmmmm trickey one me thinks. the main part of me is saying go for it and tell her how you feel cos you might miss your chance but a small part of me is saying dont cos it might make things funny between you if she doesnt feel the same BUT if she is a good friend i think she will be cool. ive chanced my luck twice, although not with a friend just people i really liked. first time i was left heart broken but i was only 16 so i got over it but the second time the feeling was mutual and 6 years on im still with him and engaged! if i hadnt chanced it i would have missed out as he said he would probably have been too shy to do anything about it!
i say go for it mate, life is too short and if it does go wrong (which i hope it doesnt) put it down to experience. try asking her friends subtle question, although i dont know how subtle you can be with that one. if you do go for it GOOD LUCK:thumb:

Former Member

Go out for a quiet drink with her in the pub after uni one night... make sure it lasts for ages and both of you get a bit drunk... then get into one of those deep and philosophical conversations and life and love and the universe and past and future and present... then say something really deep and meaningful, look into her eyes... and go in for the kill (ie. a snog)!

But seriously if you're really worried about it, but have decided to tell her, theres nothing better than a few glasses of wine in a public place, although rather quite, when she could wake up the next morning and think 'yeh that went really well' or 'i'll just blame it on the drink' - if it went great then she'll remember, if it was a bad move she'll blame it on the drink. trust me :yes:

dont know how good that is to you... but hey - good luck! :thumb:

Former Member

Originally posted by badabing
Go out for a quiet drink with her in the pub after uni one night... make sure it lasts for ages and both of you get a bit drunk... then get into one of those deep and philosophical conversations and life and love and the universe and past and future and present... then say something really deep and meaningful, look into her eyes... and go in for the kill (ie. a snog)!

But seriously if you're really worried about it, but have decided to tell her, theres nothing better than a few glasses of wine in a public place, although rather quite, when she could wake up the next morning and think 'yeh that went really well' or 'i'll just blame it on the drink' - if it went great then she'll remember, if it was a bad move she'll blame it on the drink. trust me :yes:

dont know how good that is to you... but hey - good luck! :thumb:

I agree ... life's too short to let this slip by.

Former Member

Originally posted by badabing
Go out for a quiet drink with her in the pub after uni one night... make sure it lasts for ages and both of you get a bit drunk... then get into one of those deep and philosophical conversations and life and love and the universe and past and future and present... then say something really deep and meaningful, look into her eyes... and go in for the kill (ie. a snog)!

But seriously if you're really worried about it, but have decided to tell her, theres nothing better than a few glasses of wine in a public place, although rather quite, when she could wake up the next morning and think 'yeh that went really well' or 'i'll just blame it on the drink' - if it went great then she'll remember, if it was a bad move she'll blame it on the drink. trust me :yes:

dont know how good that is to you... but hey - good luck! :thumb:

Well... i actually agreed with the first bit even if you were kidding!

Former Member

Yep, I would recommend that you ask her if she fancies going for a drink sometime. Or if you have to do work in groups, ask to join her group. Do anything you can to spend some time alone with her and you can work out how you feel about her. It is probably best to decide if you like her or not before you ask her out or do anything more drastic! Good luck.

Former Member

Yep, spend more time alone with her and get to know her even better than you do now. Taking her out for drinks is also a good idea, I like badabing's thinking!

Last summer I started having feelings for a friend (not a very close friend, but someone I'd known for a couple of years) and I guessed it was mutual; we started seeing each other a lot, going out for drinks etc, and one night (the day before I went on holiday for 2weeks) I thought 'right, it's now or never!' and I kissed him.... and it was great he's still my boyfriend now.

Former Member

An added dimension is that I've never had a girlfriend before, so am not exactly used to this...

Former Member

Originally posted by Matthew82
An added dimension is that I've never had a girlfriend before, so am not exactly used to this...

See my post above... he'd never had a girlfriend either. It'll be fine you should just tell her how you feel, after spending more time with her. There's no 'right' way to do it so it doesn't matter if you don't have much experience.