honesty the best policy?

Former Member

Its not too often i post problems on this board, so im hoping somebody out there can help me out

When it comes to a relationship, is honesty always the best policy if it means that your partner is going to be hurt in some way? When it comes down to it, is the most loving thing to do keep quiet, lie but protect your partner. Or be honest, tell the truth, hurt your partner and try to move on with, or most likely without them?

What should matter most? Your own sanity & happiness, or your partner's, even if it means youre not happy?

For the past few months, ive been lying in order for him to be happy, now im questionning whether thats the right thing to do.

Any thoughts...

(just to add... ive not gone behind my fellas back and cheated on him, just incase it may sound that way!)

Former Member

Just be honest!I think that short term you may be keeping your bf happy but long term i think he will be upset!

Former Member

Originally posted by curiouslad
Just be honest!I think that short term you may be keeping your bf happy but long term i think he will be upset!

Even if theres a possibility that eventually, it may be resolved without him getting hurt? Theres a chance, a small one ~ but its still a chance.

Former Member

ask yourself this....... are you willing to take that chance and loose him?

Former Member

Originally posted by lil_minx
Even if theres a possibility that eventually, it may be resolved without him getting hurt? Theres a chance, a small one ~ but its still a chance.

Well it all depends on what the problem is and how serious your relationship is??(LIke do you live together?)

Cos if it was like that i would say have a break for a few weeks!But like i said it depends on how serious you are!

Former Member

I try to be honest with men nowadays but then they get what they give.

Former Member

I would say honesty is always the best policy. This thing, whatever it is, is now hanging over your relationship driving you nuts and it places the whole issue of trust in your relationship at risk and trust is key to a relationship. This thing will just continue eating at you until you tell him. Worst case scenario is that he dumps you but if that happens is your relationship really that strong to begin with, best case scenario is that he takes it comparatively well, you talk whatever it is through and your relationship is made stronger by working through this problem. I know I'd rather hear a nasty truth, especially as it seems quite important in this case, and have to face up to it rather than knowing my partner was lying to me.

It's all a question of trust - at the moment you're breaking his trust by not telling him this problem, the question is whether you have enough faith in your relationship to tell him the truth no matter how unpleasant. The worst case scenario is that he dumps you and your relationship is over but what kind of a relationship is it anyway when you're lying/keeping something important from him?

Former Member

Thanks for your thoughts everyone, especailly kevlar85 - you gave me a lot to think about.. youre all stars

Former Member

Don't know if I'm too late ere - but honesty is the best policy. There are only a few circumstances where it has been different for me: those are the ones where it happened so long ago and I'm so 'past' it in a way that I've almot convinced myself that they didn't happen. I don't think these particular secrets hurt your loved ones because they are part of your 'supressed' side. And besides - I have found that a lot of the stuff that is major to me is little to anyone else but...

Former Member

no not too late thanks shyboy!

i know what you mean about things being on your 'surpressed' side but unfortunately, this isnt one of those times , as much as i wish it was! thanks for replying

so general thoughts are honesty is best policy... right scary! wish i hadnt kept it from him so long in the first palce now, thought i was doing the right thing obviously not!

Former Member

Certainly always look like your honest, what you say depends on the situation.

Former Member

Sometimes what someone doesn't know can't hurt them.

For example, a friend of mine, when on his stag night, was literally attacked by a horde or women and they were touching him and kissing him but he never told his wife!! She is non the wiser and they're both happy ( In ths instance he didn't actually want the attention, he had been tied up and left... (long story actually)

Former Member

Depends on why you are wanting to be honest, really.

If its to get rid of guilt on your part then its entirely the wrong course of action- if you fucked up and feel bad for it then dont tell him anything, because all youll be doing is hurting him to make yourself feel better.

But if its something else its a harder one to call. Only be honest if your motives are pure.

Former Member

The way I see it, honesty is very important in a relationship.

If partners can't talk to each other and tell them anything, then there isn't enough trust to keep them together. But it depends on the circumstances, if telling them something would hurt them a lot, then it might be best to keep it from them.

But on the other hand you've got to think of the consequences of lying, if they find out, it could make things even worse, and they might never trust you again. It all depends on how they percieve the situation, and how strong you are together.

It's ultimately up to your judgement, so do whatever you think's right for both of you.